This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by K 2 weeks ago.
March 7, 2020 at 2:20 pm #786747
I apologise this will be so long. I am 22M, she is 21F and her new man is 24F
My ex and I met in 2017 a couple weeks after my dad passed away. I really liked her and she really liked me but I was not ready to commit as I was grieving. Her BFF and our friends circle at the time made up lies to her about me, and to me about her, and I pushed her away as I was in a moment of grieving, she was very hurt
A year later in summer 2018, we became closer again and I caught feelings for but she was dating someone else and friendzoned me. A month later of talking as best friends, she admitted she loved me all this time and was pretending she didn’t and ignoring it to not get hurt again, and we began our relationship
We were both so happy and so sure of each other. After 7 months, her life got very hectic as she was being forced to move country with her parents later that year (2019) and she lost feelings for me, so she broke up w me in April
The preceding months, her feelings were on/off for me, sometimes she would be obsessed w me and head over heels and other times it felt like she would force herself not to be
By end of Sept 2019, she told me she loved me and I was the love of her life, but she still didn’t feel ready for a relaitonship at this point in her life. But we stayed in love and agreed to take it day by day for now, I was happy living in the present with her
She moved away a few days later and will be back this August so 5 more months. She would tell me she loved me everyday and it felt like her love for me only grew ever since. It was amazing and the best feeling.
At the end of 2019, she said she wants to end things with me. Her reason was that, she conluded she could never get over how I hurt her in 2017, as I was very mean to her. She said she would feel love for me, but instantly be reminded of how i treated her back then, and become upset, then try to forget it quickly and would love me again. It became a toxic cycle for her and got very destructive for her so she decided to end it.
A month later, she tells me that there is this guy called James who she dated in 2017 after things ended with me but it was never serious. She would always tell me that their dynamic was boring, that she would never go back to him bc she knows ir didn’t work, she used to laugh at the idea. But she told me @ the start of Feb that they got closer last summer and she caught feelings for him, tried to ignore them but they kept coming back.
She said she told her how he felt at the end of 2019 and she realised she felt the same, and that was part of why she wanted to end things with me. It hurt a LOT for me to hear this and for her to say to me as she knew she hurt me a lot, but I kept being friends with her bc I couldn’t handle her not being in my life
Now, 2 months of them talking long distance, he asked her to be in a relationship last Friday and she said yes. So now they are in a relationship
I stopped tlaking to her for a day or two and she would always text me to talk to me but I would either ignore it, or give a short reply. A couple of days ago, she told me she has a lot of worry, anxiety, fear and frustration all the time because James has a medical condition (cystic fibrosis) which impairs his lung function, and requires hospital visits from time to time. She said she really likes him but was expressing to me that “why am i in this situation” and she was considering ending things with him, but decided she is going to give herself some time before deciding anything. She said she likes him a lot and they talk all the time, call often too, it seems very genuine and not a rebound. She was consdiering breaking up with him ie it is in her mind and she was saying that she feels like she has signed herself up for a life of heartache now by being with him as she constantly worries and feels anxiety
A day later, she said she felt much better and said that the universe is trying to teach her how to be more selfless and compassionate, and that it would not have lead her heart and soul here if it wasn’t trying to teach her something. So she said she is trusting in God and the universe. So it seems like after talking to me about all the anxiety she was having about him, and considering breaking up with him over it, she seemed more relaxed the next day about it, so it feels like she is going to end up staying with him… She did say she is giving herself time to think about things though, but I feel she will choose him in the end… they won’t see each other until August this year
But, In december, she would be telling me she loves me, wants a future with me, wants to have my kids, cant wait to see me, that no one gets her like I do and no one knows her like I do and Is so happy she has me, someone who she can count on all the time, in her life. She would always say how obsessed she is with me and it was the sweetest thing in the world. Then randomly one day she ended it end of 2019 like I said.
Now, she told me that last year after we broke up, she was very confused and that’s why she had feelings for me and fell in love with me, but keeps saying she was confused and she wouldn’t consider what we had in December as “being involved” … Although we technically were not together, telling someone you love them everyday is a huge things IMO
But again, she revealed to me end of 2019 that she was up/down with her love for me and only showed me the “up” sides… it got very toxic for her in her mind due to overthinking and she wanted to desperately move on from it and start a new chapter she said.
She said what she likes about James is that there are no expectations and no baggage and that is a big part of why she is happy right now, as well as because they are living in the present and taking it day by day and things are very chill with them. I know with me, the expectations and baggage were a big thing for her which put her off being with me fully.
I really want her back and I am using the law of attraction in order to manifest her into my life, which has calmed me down so much right now. In the past, the law of attraction has worked for me very well so I am hoping that if I stick to it, things will work out for me. I really need some advice on what you think about this whole thing as it is such a shock for me that from September to end of December 2019, she would be telling me how much she loves me, that she wants to be with me, misses me, wants to marry me etc but just a little over 2 months later, she is happy to be in a committed relationship with this other guy…. I just don’t understand and it SEEMS like it is just a rebound and the initial excitement of everything ie the honeymoon stage, will wear off and she will come to a realisation, but I am just not sure what to do or say now..
Things have ALWAYS been different between us in person and even she admitted this last summer. One day she was being cold with me over text because we ended up kissing earlier in the day. She texted saying she didnt want to do that again. But the next day she kissed me by surprise and I was so taken aback by it. She said that every time she sees me in person, her feelings come rushing back and it has always been this way, now that I think of it
I’m trusting in the law of attraction that my dreams will come true but, what can I even actively do to get her back?March 7, 2020 at 6:07 pm #786756
Hi JohnI would let this girl go. You two had a difficult/toxic start, and since then things have been on and off and up and down. She sounds like she does not know what she wants and is maybe a comittmentphobe and emotionally unavailable. My advice is to tell you that you have decided to move on because she is dating James and the two of you are caught in an unhealthy dynamic. Then stop replying to her and do not send any messages. Possibly she has been trying to let you down gently as you are more interested in her than she is in you. Either way-just stop your connection and find someone who wants to actually be with you.March 7, 2020 at 6:08 pm #786757
tell her-I mean,that you are moving on.March 7, 2020 at 9:13 pm #786804
Peggy might be right, but i understand love can be very complicated and tricky at some point. I can feel that she still likes you but keeping you as an alternative at the moment, maybe because she know you would never leave and like her more than she does? I would suggest give it a time, and try not to think about this tolerating situation for now. Dont show your care or emotions. Let her value and chase you. If you two are meant to be together, she will learn, do better, and come back. But please lower your expectation and be open about it, you are the only person who in charge of taking care of yourself.March 25, 2020 at 1:06 pm #788283
I didn’t read all of this. Because at a certain point it’s just way, way too much drama, especially for people so young.
You can’t use “Law of Attraction” like it’s some kind of magic spell or voodoo to force someone to be in your life and feel a certain way about you. You are in fact affirming the lack the way you’re using it. And there is no “law” or anything you can do to make someone else do something.
Better yet, use LOA to spend time feeling good about yourself and your life. That’s how you attract a healthy, relationship-ready person into your life. By being whole yourself.
I know you don’t want to hear this, but you need to distance yourself from this girl. She’s all over the map and you’re the caboose on her crazy train. You’re just allowing yourself to get pulled along for the ride and she’s calling all the shots.
You remind me of a guy who posted a few months ago named Alex. Alex was involved with a girl who kept him on a string – wouldn’t commit to him, wouldn’t let him go. It was driving him nuts. And it will drive you nuts too as long as you let it.
She isn’t capable of committing to you or anyone. There’s nothing you can do about that. It’s about her not you. You need to stop being her back-up plan and stand up and live your own life. The longer you stay in this situation, the longer you hardwire yourself for having difficult relationships with women who don’t return your feelings. You’re setting a pattern you could possibly keep yourself stuck in for life.
Please find some IRL support and end things with her before you ruin yourself for a truly good, healthy woman. This one isn’t going to take you anywhere but down.