This topic contains 13 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Maddie 1 month, 1 week ago.
March 5, 2021 at 5:24 am #847541
If you have already arranged a date with a guy, have been texting back. and forth, and out of the blue he stops responding and going radio silent for 24hrs, would you still believe the date is on and he will respond at his own pace? He never left me hanging like this before, even after 10 hrs he would still reply but this is the first time he let a day pass without talking to me- especially since the previous day he was texting me all day. Could it be that he now feels more comfortable and doesn’t feel the need to get back to me immediately, might doing on purpose to make me want him more or is fading out? Just plain ghosting me doesn’t seem logical as he was still pretty responsive the day before and even started engaging more than before texting me good morning or in the middle of the day. In the meantime, I updated my picture on social media because the one I had before he already commented that he finds me cute and hottie and I felt kind of stupid for opening up only to be let down again so I didn’t want to be reminded of that. I am not sure if my previous experiences and break ups are still affecting my present interactions but whenever I don’t receive a reply I assume they lost interest and no longer find me attractive. If I get a reply eventually, I am surprised. My gut feeling is telling me that he isn’t texting again but I have no logical basis for it just my previous experiences. The guy expressed many times that he likes me and wants to meet so why can’t I chill and wait for him to reach out but I always beat myself up. Maybe I came on too strong and scared him awayMarch 5, 2021 at 7:27 am #847559
Your dealings with this guy are really hard to understand and Meanwhile your anxiety is very telling by how many questions you ask in one paragraph.
I dont think this guy is not replying because he feels comfortable. So thats one question
I would believe the date is on if a place and time is confirmed. I would find it strange though if he stops texting days before that date.
From what you are saying you fell for the text hook and never met the guy. That means so far you have no clue who you are dealing with. For example lots of married guys do fake ‘online dating’ just to get a kick out of it. Or single guys with the sole purpose of having sex with the girl. And also of course some normal guys.
You are over the top overinvested in a guy you never met. Thats not healthy when it comes to dating. Just see if this dates really happens and if not, stop texting this guy and read on how to date right, including spotting red flags and have an idea on what sort of guys you like to meet.March 5, 2021 at 8:05 am #847571
I know that he has a girlfriend and he told me from the beginning that it’s an open relationship or sort of, I said that I’m cool with it.March 5, 2021 at 8:35 am #847577
oh no no , open relationship? I am pretty sure his gf doesn’t know about it lolMarch 5, 2021 at 8:54 am #847581
So does he bring his gf along on the date? Lol well i guess this post will disappear soonMarch 5, 2021 at 9:41 am #847590
This GF and open relationship information would have been helpful in the beginning.
If he has a girlfriend then his attention is going to be on her. Whether they are in an open relationship or not, you will never be treated as a priority, just someone to kill some time with on occasion, easy sex from, and that’s it.
If you sign up for this, then you MUST EXPECT to be treated as third, fourth, fifth wheel; depending on how many woman he’s hitting up or entertaining, including his girlfriend.
Your expectation level is far too high for this type of arrangement, and need to drop it about eight (8) notches as he will go periods of time, days or even weeks, without any contact or scheduling sex time with you because he’s got his GF and possibly others he’s chatting with, meeting or sexually entertaining too.
Use protection and get tested regularly if you decide to entertain him too.March 5, 2021 at 12:34 pm #847611
T from NY
Such good advice on this thread. Men are not robots. A lot of times they have days they want to text, and then days they wanna do other things. And if he’s calling you a hottie before you’ve even met – that screams casual. Casual means they basically talk to you whenever they want and really very few expectations except to be respectful and not abusive when they are in contact.
Open relationships are next level dating. I would never participate in one because I’m a monogamy loving girl. But I occasionally participate in casual encounters and although I feel some kind of way if a guy I’m chatting up goes MIA – I remind myself WHAT IT IS I’m doin.March 5, 2021 at 12:55 pm #847615
Are you sure you’re ready to date someone in an open relationship? Whenever he prioritizes time with her or is busy (since she’s presumably his primary), you may not hear from him for 24+ hours or days. You’re already not okay with that and blaming yourself and you haven’t even been out yet.
In general, when I was online dating, I never 100% assumed the guy was going to show up unless we confirmed within 24 hours before meetup time. If I hadn’t heard from him for a few days, I’d message to confirm. But both genders are flaky enough where I live that many guys would initiate confirming with me for a first meet as well, sometimes more than once! If there was no contact within a few days before, and especially if I messaged to confirm and then never received a response, I assumed it was canceled and I’d get stood up if I put in the effort to show up. This never failed. I was never stood up, and if a guy went dark before meeting for the very first time then I never heard from him again anyway so clearly he would have been a waste of any more of my time.
I’m a firm believer in listening to your gut BUT if you often have inexplicable gut instincts and bad past relationships, and blame yourself for little things like this before a relationship even gets off the ground, then your insecurity is affecting your partner “picker.” Which means, yes, if you can’t explain or understand your gut instincts in situations like this, it is most likely projection of past experiences and not due to anything the guy has shown you yet and you need to process through those old emotions and work on where you are with yourself to improve that. But in this case, your gut may actually be telling you you’re not okay being a secondary within an open relationship. But I don’t know you or your history and your actual openness to open relationships, so you’d need to think about and sort through if that’s true or if it’s the projections speaking (or both).March 5, 2021 at 12:55 pm #847616
When I was dating, after the place and time of the date was confirmed there would be little to no communication after that. Maybe a text the day prior confirming that the date was still on. You are way over thinking this.
There was a time I entertained dating a man who was in an open relationship. But after some thought, I knew that I was not the type of person to be able to do that. I am hopelessly monogamous.
According to your post and how insecure and invested you are in this already, I can guarantee that you are not the type to able to handle dating someone who has a girlfriend. And if you do proceed, make sure his girlfriend knows that she’s in an open relationship because he could just be cheating on her.March 5, 2021 at 2:40 pm #847630
I agree with the other posters- you are overinvested in a guy you haven’t met. Do you have a time and place for a date? If so, then go. If not, and the guy suddenly stops texting– it’s not a huge loss. You can’t get hung up on guys you have not met. Lots of guys flake before the first meeting, I had it happen to me when I was online dating.
I also agree you don’t sound like you’re cut out for an open relationship. You’re too anxious. If he has a primary girlfriend you will not be #1. Although I’ve known a number of people in open relationships, and they tend to be great communicators– you have to be, to make open relationships work. So I question whether this guy is really poly. And every girlfriend I have who’s been involved with a guy in an open relationship, has met the guy’s primary partner/wife. Like, met her in person. True polyamory is about openness and honesty. If this guy is really poly– which I suspect he might not be, he might just be cheating on his gf– he isn’t going about it in a transparent way.March 5, 2021 at 2:51 pm #847631
He said, “ I know that he has a girlfriend and he told me from the beginning that it’s an open relationship or sort of…”
What is “sort of?”
He’s lying to you & cheeting on his GF…March 5, 2021 at 3:47 pm #847636
I appreciate the feedback from all of you guys. I was in open relationships before but I never doubted if the guy wanted me. But I was younger and way more carefree. I’m generally chilled and open, and polygamous so I expect the same level of openness. I don’t freak out that much but after few flakey guys, I tend to project to everyone I interact, basically waiting when it will be the last text. This one , no matter what I said he always had a reply even in my weirdest meme or flirtatious text. My last message was just a response to his text (he was pretty aggressively pursuing me up to this point that’s why I cannot comprehend going mia in just few hours from his last text in which he said your wish is my command). I can easily do casual if I can control my negative thinking. I just thought casual meant stress free I can text whatever time I want and whAtever I want since he was the one to say you can text me anything you want. I just don’t get if its okay to double text or go days without a response cause all of my friends say I’d should give up and if he’s interested he’d text back but I am not the type to sit and wait. I don’t have to chat every day but just to have the reassurance that even if I don’t, the guy isn’t ghosting me and will come back around.March 5, 2021 at 5:36 pm #847646
You haven’t even met…
Dollars to donuts, his “or sort of” means he’s lying…March 5, 2021 at 5:56 pm #847648
Eh. This guy won’t be worth your time.
I think there’s 2 things going on here. 1 is you do have your own stuff to work on because you’re in a very anxious place to date and are projecting that out. But 2, your gut is telling you you don’t trust this guy. If you’ve been in functional open relationship situations in the past and are finding that (before you’ve even met!) this guy has bad communication and you’re already confused about the ground rules, there’s probably a solid reason you feel that way and it won’t get better with him.