Does he sound emotionally unavailable?


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This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Tallspicy 1 month ago.

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  • #814758 Reply

    Isobel

    I’ve been on a few dates with a guy who I really fancy. Our dates are lovely and he seems keen to impress and we have amazing conversation. He asked me on another one.

    He broke up with his girlfriend 2 years ago but he always drops her into conversation. But we have great dates but then he’s distant afterwards and doesn’t text me. But if I text him he’s really happy to talk. He takes a long time to reply.

    Could he ever realise we’re good for each other? Why is he keeping me around ?

    I’m not keen to date because of covid, If I wait around for him, could he change?

    #814762 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Girl, stop it!!! If you have to contact him, he is not interested. What happens during a date has no meaning, only if he follows up and asks you out again.

    He is not keeping you around, he does not even respond barely.

    He will only realize how desperate you are. Please stop chasing an uninterested man.

    #814764 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    What Tallspicy said.

    Also, you’ve had a few dates & he constantly brings up his ex in conversation. That’s an enormous red flag. No man who is emotionally available and open to a relationship would bring up his ex constantly to a woman he just started dating.

    I’m sure he enjoys your company well enough but this guy doesn’t sound emotionally available, or even terribly interested.

    #814896 Reply

    cupcake

    Think about it this way: If you were sincerely interested in a new relationship…would you bring up your ex relentlessly? I bet you wouldn’t.

    He is still hung up on her and you d do better to move on.

    #814917 Reply

    Lane

    I’m going to play devils advocate here. Not all conversations about exes are bad, nor does it mean they are still pining for them.

    Men don’t have a large pool of topics to talk about with women unless she likes sports, fishing, working on cars, or you share similar passions or things in common. My ex husband and BF did the same thing when I was ‘just getting to know them’ (not dating them) where I asked my [now] BF point blank “Are you still in love or emotionally tied to them because you sure do talk about them a lot.” He gave me that surprised look and then responded with “I was just trying to give you some background so you could get to know me better.” Needless to say he stopped talking about them after that lol.

    Distance after a date doesn’t automatically make it bad. Men aren’t here for our amusement, whereas, you should have enough things going on in our life to amuse yourself than waiting around for a text or call from a dude you hardly know. I find its best that a bulk of the communication is done on the date as it allows for some mystery and intrigue—like opening up a present on Christmas Day and learning something new about each other. That’s how human’s create bonds; by learning more about each other, over a period of time, whether its romantic, friendship, professional, etc.

    This IMO is a good pace and way to get to know someone v. all the silly stupid texting that goes on today, which is the TOP TWO reasons (having sex too early is the other) as to why most don’t get off the ground or stay on the ground because you give out too much information about yourself to the point the the man loses the desire to spend his time and energy on you because you give it away to easily and freely…BORING. OR you text something that doesn’t come out right and it turns into a text meltdown, he poofs, and the ladies come here going “WHY?”

    A man can’t lead you on if you’re *expectations* are out of sync. You can only work with what you have and if you don’t like it or he’s not doing what *YOU* need or think he should be doing, then YOU stop dating him! Easy Peasy!

    #814995 Reply

    Isobel

    Hi, so would you say it’s not necessarily a bad thing that he disappears after dates. I know he gets busy with things but he deleted the dating app last month so I know he’s not actively looking for people. Should I reach out to him? I just thought If he liked me he would be keen to message me but looks like he’s hardly ever on his phone! I’ve never even seen him get out his phone when we’re together.

    I dunno if this big spaces between dates and gaps between communication is a good way to get to know each other more naturally and slowly. He’s new to online dating but from my experience it often moves too fast. Weve never had a text conversation except for when we first match, but now his messages are more like an email and just a check in but never initiates

    #815001 Reply

    Newbie

    for me its not clear what this guys action are. So he did set up another date and in between he is silent? But you also state the dates are far apart. Like over a week apart?
    The one thing that stood out to me is you are overinvested already. You decided he is the guy but he has to see it too. After a few dates. Thats crazy. And you already have two flags collected: 1 he is not much of a talker and that leads to boring ex talk (i agree With lane that its possible he doesnt do much on his own), he doesnt like to text (at least you are complaining about it). You can see how weird this is right? So just be chill, vet him, stopt trying to engage him to text and date other guys whe youre ready

    #815002 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Spaces between dates is fine if he is asking you for dates.

    Would this man be in your life if you stopped contacting him? No!

    What lane is describing is if he is contacting you and asking you out. This man is not.

    You are not getting it. He likes your company when you make it available to him. That is all.

    Stop contacting him. The only men who get contacted are already your boyfriend. Is he? No he is not, so stop doing the work for him.

    If he were arranging to see you and there was no contact in between I would say what lane is saying… enjoy the time together.

    Sorry for the blunt talk, but this guy is not your future boyfriend or husband if he cannot so much as ask you out.

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