Do guys regret for paying the date if they end up with no sex afterwards?


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice Do guys regret for paying the date if they end up with no sex afterwards?

This topic contains 19 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  ANM Staff 1 week, 3 days ago.

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  • #798748

    Hannah

    I’m just wondering how it is because I went out with this one guy and he tried some moves to get it more physical but I wasn’t just feeling it that night. I like his personality and would go out again if he asks but I was just thinking that how it is with guys? Do guys feel “used” if they don’t get sex after a date that they had put their time, money and effort in it?

    #798762

    Raven

    The good ones don’t…

    #798782

    Hannah

    Yeah that is what I’m hoping for but I’m curious to know if guys are secretly in their head regretting or annoyed by it. Not so much that they would admit it to others but just like “why did it do it?” in their heads? Us women can have different thoughts in our heads after being intimate with a guy, so if you don’t hear anything from the guy we might think “ why did I do it so soon or just in general”. But okay, Raven, you’re saying that a good guy will not regret it, that is good to hear.

    #798795

    Jippity

    Some do, definitely.

    Not the good ones though!

    #798814

    Hannah

    But I’m curious to know how the good ones take it then? What goes in their head then?

    #798834

    Lane

    Because men were given this innate ability to size a lady up in nanoseconds where he either accepts or rejects her as a mate.

    Men are biologically very different from us when it comes to sex and relationships, as those are two very different subjects and they are able to separate them but women cannot because of how they were designed. Testosterone is the hormone that drives men to think about sex A LOT throughout the day! Heck, just seeing a lady in line at a grocery store, or an image of one in a magazine can stir up all kinds of sexual thoughts so you need to be mindful that when a man see’s you he’s already thinking about having sex with you and you are totally oblivious because women are driven by the estrogen hormone. Men have no idea what estrogen feels like and women have no idea what testosterone feels like which is why men and women don’t understand each other and speak a very different language when it comes to sex and relationships.

    This is why its BEST to not engage in sex with a man until you know where his head’s at. Like my brother-in-law told me “women think relationships are about romance but for men, all we want to do is keep screwing her (he used the F word) and we know if want to do that we have to marry her and have kids.” When he said that, not only my cousin’s husband but my Bf both nodded their head in agreement! That’s how men think, so when a man gets touchy-feely its because he’s horny, his testosterone is in overdrive and sex is the only thing on his mind, nothing else.

    Men within a minute of meeting a lady know if they want to mate with her or not. Its very primal, whereas if you have the right physical attributes they will fight off other men just to have you! For instance, many men have been physically attracted to my hip/breast ratio and facial features because when I asked the physical was ALWAYS the first thing they mentioned so that’s how much importance they attribute to mate selection. In a nutshell, if you don’t have the physical attributes that the man desires in a mate he will just have sex with you but not get into a relationship with you.

    #798836

    Newbie

    Since most of us are not guys we can only guess the answer here. To me this sounds like a perfect topic for a date. So ask the date and it would be nice to share here what he said.

    #798837

    Lane

    To answer your question, its both yes and no. Single men know they have to date around to get sex and it may cost them a few dinners or outings to achieve it. If it was just one date and they weren’t physically attracted enough to spend more money on her they won’t (why you never hear from them again). However, if the lady is attractive enough they may splurge a bit more to get some (why they bounce when they do) but they won’t keep spending money on a lady to get none if that makes sense. In a nutshell, they only regret it when they spend too much on a lady and get none.

    This is why you should keep sex off the table because the longer you stay out of the sheets the better your odds of finding a guy who wants to have sex with just you and no others lol.

    #798863

    Hannah

    “In a nutshell, they only regret it when they spend too much on a lady and get none.“ But what is too much then? I don’t think this answers my question. And I don’t think things are so black and white.

    as a woman don’t think in a Nanosecond if the guys is or isn’t suitable for having my babies, I’m not even thinking about babies and to be honest right now I don’t think I will be having any. Yeah maybe in some part of my brain I can smell if he is suitable or not but who cares, I don’t act on it, so it just isn’t that simple. I know so many guys who have ignited something in me in a nanosecond and turned out to be trash and then I know guys who turned out to be the love of my life at that point in my life who only ignited it in me after giving them a second chance. And about the boob hip ratio, I’m small chested and skinny but beautiful and I have a great personality so I think I’m usually taken more seriously from the start than girls with more figures because in my case there aren’t that many distractions to begin with. So maybe you only speak of your own point of view when talking about men as these creatures that only think about sex and make their choices only according to their hornyness. Have you ever heard about love and feelings? Or connection and to having a meaning in life or to have someone to share your life with? Some guys would choose a good conversation over a pair of bimbo titties. Let’s keep the conversation open and not make these black and white assumption that men are only this and that because your brother in law said so.

    #798872

    Lane

    OK Hannah, if you believe your thinking, which is based off estrogen, can override thousands of years of male biology who thinks with testosterone, then knock yourself out and stay stuck in your mindset.

    #798873

    Hannah

    I’m just curious, you think that feelings, relationship backgrounds, family backgrounds, religion, upbringing surroundings etc don’t have anything to do with who you find attractive and with whom you want to start a family? Where is the psychological point of view? I don’t from which sex driven superficial place you are coming from but I believe are all humans with feelings and hopefully some knowledge in our heads and feelings in our hearts and not just animals driven by our hormones.

    #798874

    Paige

    Funny, Lane – I was going to ask Hannah if she were a real person or just a 13-year-old girl who is experiencing cabin fever and just wants to stir up something to ease her boredom.

    (Hey, it’s better than what MY 13-year-old did. She was going to cut her hair in a pixie, got carried away and ended up with a Mia Farrow in “Rosemary’s Baby” haircut. She had an accident and shaved a hole in her hair on the side, so she added a hole in the (approximately) same place on the other side of her head. She was mortified and has insisted on wearing a hoodie (with the hood up) ever since she did it. I told her it was just hair and that it would grow back.)

    In case you aren’t a bored teenager, my advice to you would be to do whatever you want and think whatever you want to think, because you asked a question, then shot down answers from Raven, Jippity, Lane and Newbie because they didn’t tell you what you wanted to hear.

    The people on this board who are nice enough to read someone else’s problems, consider the information and give a well thought-out answer don’t deserve to be blown off or argued with.

    Like a gift, take the advice if you want to – or throw it in the garbage, but still write your thank-you notes.

    #798880

    Lane

    As a side note, men have all kinds of types! If they don’t like flat chested skinny girls they aren’t going to get into a relationship with them even if you have an awesome personality. They might TRY IT but those normally don’t last very long because they will start seeking those they are innately attracted to. Its like a gay guy having sex with a woman to put it in perspective for you—there’s no amount of “love or feelings” that’s going to magically change his biological preference.

    I asked my BF what his ‘type’ was and he said “medium frame” like you are (I’m 145lbs 5’3, and a 38C). I am buff (muscular) though so I’m able to fit into a size 4-6 pants comfortably. He also told me he is not attracted to skinny or heavy ladies, so there ya go, another man’s truth.

    #798882

    Hannah

    Lane didn’t answer to my topic. She is talking about guys running after her boob-butt ratio. I asked how do guys feel about not getting sex after putting in time and effort. Do they care or not, how they handle the disappointments… I didn’t know it was just 20 something student girls answering here about what they have read about hormones and their effects on human body. I’m 37 year old. Would be interesting to hear your age and how much life experience you girls have. Anyways, I wasn’t saying Lane was wrong, I was only saying that I didn’t ask for a lecture of testosterone’s effect on men. And also pointing out that Lane can’t use her brother in law’s opinion as a reference – we don’t know what kind of man he is. Is he one of the good ones or not so good ones.

    #798888

    Newbie

    You really dont want advice right? So why keep poking around

    #798890

    Liz Lemon

    You asked a monolithic question about how guys would feel in a hypothetical situation, as if all guys would react in the exact same way to a certain situation. But now you’re picking apart the fact that Lane is using her brother in law as a monolithic example of all guys. Ask a monolithic question, you’ll get a monolithic reply!

    Like everything, the answer to your question depends. There’s a difference between date 1 or 2 and date 6 or 7. A guy who wouldn’t expect sex on date 1 or 2 might very well expect it on date 6 or 7 (or be disappointed that it didn’t happen) and I don’t think it makes him a terrible guy. Expectations get ramped up the more dates you have. So I think the answer to your question really depends on the number of dates. Yes, I absolutely agree that a decent guy doesn’t feel entitled to sex. But I think a decent guy can be hopeful/eager that he will get laid after dating a woman for multiple dates, and feel disappointed if he does not get laid. Whether or not he chooses to continue seeing the woman would most likely depend on how much he likes her and how likely he thinks it is he’ll get laid in the near future. But again, this varies because guys are all individual. Hope this helps!

    #798909

    Hannah

    Newbie, when did I ask for advice? I asked to hear about experiences and male point of view to the subject. I never asked anything about looks, body type or hormones etc.

    #798910

    Hannah

    Liz Lemon, thanks for your view of the matter – I agree with you.

    I guess we are all human and at some point we start to feel like we are being used if we don’t get anything to compensate our effort. Probably the ones who were looking to “buy” sex with dinner get pissed if they feel that they were taken advantage by the woman but a normal guy who is just trying to find a partner has some patience.

    What a shame there are no guys here in this forum :(

    #798912

    Newbie

    Yes you pretended you were. Your title shows a question. I already suggested you go talk to males. Wishing they are here is kind of pointless

    #798914

    ANM Staff
    Keymaster

    To be fair, Hannah, you’re asking questions on a forum dedicated to giving advice to people seeking clarity in their own issues. :) Hypotheticals are fine too! But in that case, let’s take a breath and not get ruffled by folks attempting to give advice in an advice forum.

    People are trying to explain their observations from their own life perspectives. Sometimes, they might not match your own perspectives and might not be helpful to you. That’s too bad, but don’t let that sour the whole conversation.

    Anyway, I saw what you attempted to post before it was caught by the filters. That’s not cool. Please don’t go after people that way. After seeing that, I don’t trust that this conversation will be taken in a productive direction, so I’m going to close it out. Sorry.

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