Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Did I walk away too soon?
- This topic has 16 replies and was last updated 2 years, 3 months ago by
Dex.
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Sarah J
How soon should one expect a relationship? I’ve been dating a guy for the 4 months, I was clear from the beginning I wanted a relationship. Somehow I got sucked in to this guys pattern of hot and cold behaviour. When I’m with him he’s great but when apart, he disappears, reads my texts, ignores me. Takes days to reply. He’s closed off, doesn’t tell me anything. It recently got too much, and on a whim I told him we shouldn’t see each other again to which he just replied ‘perfect, thanks’.
I like him but his lack of communication is so much work. Now I’m second guessing what I did and as I haven’t heard anything further from him, I find myself being tempted to text him because I liked him. What do you think? Any advice about this please?
Anon
Absolutely no to a guy that says it’s perfect to not see each other. He’s not interested.
AngieBaby
Sarah, get in touch with your pride and self esteem and forget this guy. Please value yourself better than to even think about contacting him again. You tell him you don’t think you two should date any longer and he said, “perfect, thanks” in a text? Oh heck no!!! That’s a major sign you did the right thing, he wasn’t into you and never going to be. And may I add not good enough for you! Raise your standards, honey.
Sarah j
Yes he said ‘perfect, thanks a lot’.
Tallspicy
You should have walked away at two months when he was not talking and acting like your boyfriend.
Liz Lemon
Why are you tempted to text a guy who treats you this way? Not just the rude text, but the ignoring you, the hot & cold behavior, etc. You can do so much better than this. This guy is not into you. Have some pride and move on, don’t look back.
To answer your question about when to expect a relationship– a guy should be consistent (not hot & cold), and escalating his attention to you, over several months. Certainly by 4 months its reasonable to expect a relationship. So you gave this guy plenty of time– probably too much of your time, given what you’ve said about him.
Christine
girl do not text him. I know it sucks but you will meet someone else. He clearly could care less about if you guys talk or not. You will just continue to get sucked in if you go back to him. I think you expected him to say no, please lets keep talking. But his response and his actions clearly show he is not interested. Believe a man when he shows/tells you he isn’t interested.
Maddie
Agree with all the above. You probably didn’t walk away soon enough. It sounds a bit like you didn’t really want to end things but did it in protest hoping he’d change his behavior in response and tell you not to leave. Since it backfired, you’re still looking for ways to get him to act how you want. But there’s nothing you can do except value yourself way more, see him for what he is (unreliable, inconsistent, non-committal, wasting your time) instead of fantasy potential. It hurts now, but it’ll get better if you take some time to process it and introspect on why you’re tolerant of such disrespectful behavior from a guy.
Peggy
I think he was being sarcastic about the “perfect”. I agree with everything else though. He was wasting your time and stringing you along and being flakey. Good riddance.
T from NY
He’s toxic. Please love and tend to you better :)
keepitreal
if you liked him as much as you said you do, not sure why you ended it before meeting someone better. its like who quits a job before another one is lined up? i dont get it…
Sarah j
I ended it because something just felt off. And 4 months is a long time with no commitment. I haven’t text him so thanks all for your advice!
Mark
Sarah,
No, you certainly didn’t walk away too soon.
In fact, you waited far too long.Find a guy that cares about you, respects you and demonstrates that.
Julia
Sarah,
I went through something similar. Depending on the amount of time you shared, emotional intimacy, and closeness, and other factors, I think it is different for each couple, about when dating turns into a relationship. I think 2-3 months is my limit to see where things are going.
It hurts to find out people’s true intentions or personality and that our intuition was right about warning us. The hot and cold behaviors would be a red flag, but I have read somewhere that it could mean the person is confused or scared of starting to have feelings. Finding these type of conflicting info on human behavior confused me for a bit because my ex told me he was afraid of his growing feelings for me…and so I stayed with my ex longer than I should have. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, until he left me for someone else…only 5 days after he told me he was attached to me and wasn’t looking for anyone else, wasn’t “out there meeting new people” which to me meant something. Not to him obviously. So, I know it hurts to be left alone. I had to spend time forgiving myself as I saw redflags and still believed in him, over my intuition. I am sorry you are going through this. I hope you find a bit more strength each day to move forward as you go through your grief of losing the connection with a man you deeply cared for.Pita
keepitreal,
probably the worst advice i have ever read. please try to evaluate your comments before providing poor advice. i apologize if i create any tension here, but i think its important people really respect others before providing inaccurate advice.
please dont ever tell someone to continue dating someone who is treating them poorly, and to find someone else before breaking up with said horrible treater.
If the moderators think what im saying is offensive, then you can email me, but i stand by these words. keepitreal doesnt seem to be providing great advice, as I have also seen their advice elsewhere.
Raven
Right on @Pita!
Dex
Umm, thank you Raven and Pita! I legit was thinking the same thing but didn’t want to cause discord- but I saw KIR leave a super inappropriate and hurtful disdainful comment on either this thread or another to the OP. Stunned the mods didn’t catch it. (Or maybe they did and it’s now gone.)
This corner of the internet seems to lean supportive, let’s keep it that way! Raven, thank you for being brave enough to second Pita. Was literally thinking the same thing. Pita, nothing I saw in your message I found offensive, quite the opposite!
Empowered women EMPOWER women!
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