Deciphering the Relationship when Depression, Anxiety & Stress Take Over


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    Carole

    I feel blessed to be with my best friend. February 29, 2020 he temporarily moved into my condo in the midwest while he planned to relocate to the west where he had lived previously. We were friends, we had plans for him to move and then weeks after that I had plane tickets to go visit him in his new place. Friends. End of story.

    Then came Covid. Three weeks after his “temporary” move in with me the world shut down. I started working exclusively from home. His pet sitting business went belly up. We were put into Covid lockdown together, obviously a huge unexpected twist in life. We are both in our late 40s, both have similar backgrounds which are not very pleasant in terms of growing up, relationship problems, etc. Neither of us wanted to get involved in love. He struggles with anxiety and depression – as do I. However… I work very hard on my issues, he still isn’t in that space. However, I have been a confidante for him and he does come to me for advice (which he does consider and often takes on board). But something about us clicked – worked. As the months ticked by we grew closer. Long story short… in May we both expressed our love for each other, and he asked me to move across the country with him.

    By August he was no longer able to work out, which was his primary means of staving off anxiety and depression., due to a torn shoulder and a knee problem. However, I sold my condo, got rid of my 15 year old clunker, took his hand and took the biggest gamble of my life. We relocated across the country last September. He started working October 15th, something that only adds to his anxiety. Thanksgiving was the last time he and I were intimate. He had knee surgery February 12th, experienced a DVT blood clot a week later, and was 100% on crutches for 6 weeks which put me in the position of sole caretaker of him and our pets, followed by PT which he just recently gave up because the knee is still healing, still painful, and now he can’t run. So no working out. No running. Now… he has low T. He’s moody, depressed, there is no passion for anything or anyone. Including me – nothing passionate anymore.

    I have tried to discuss this several times. Each time he assures me that this has nothing at all to do with our relationship. He and I together is not the problem at all. He loves me, yadda yadda yadda. But there is no physical intimacy – and he displays no interest in addressing the situation. He’s tired, worn out, and I miss the man I moved with. He doesn’t go anywhere without me, he’s never on the computer, phone, or texting. There is no porn issue. He just seems… gone. WHAT do you do when a man is clinically depressed with diagnosed anxiety disorder? He displays almost all of the “typical” losing or lost interest signs… but depression and anxiety seem to turn all of this on it’s head.

    I love this man. I miss the man I moved here with. But I don’t want to harp on this. I just want the issues to be addressed… because when you look at these issues and face them head on, life does brighten up and you do return to who you really are. Because I’ve been there myself. What do you do?

    #900245 Reply

    Rox

    Hi Carole,
    You love him, but he needs professional help. He is clinically depressed. He needs to see a professional doctor for a boost either in either psychotherapy, and/or anti-depressants until he gets back to his ‘norm’.
    I don’t think he will be interested in his sexuality or your physical intimacy until he addresses this.

    You are a great support and remember that you need some time for yourself.

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