Confusing signals after ending it

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Lane 1 month ago.

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  • #822483 Reply


    Ok so – some things :
    – dated a guy in the summer . On third date he said “I don’t want serious” and then I totally shot back with , “I’m looking for something real, let’s end this” and we had a back and forth with him saying no let’s not , this is fun and backtracking saying no it’s a misunderstanding I’m open to something real .
    I basically ended it saying I am not sure I want to keep dating you. The next day we chatted on phone and he said ok I agree with you.

    Now the kicker is we work at the same place though we aren’t always physically in the same building so we only see each other periodically for a short time .
    Ever since that happened we have been very nice and cordial and I’ve noticed he often goes out of his way to talk to me , seek me out , email me etc . He even made some jokes alluding to our time together .
    What’s his deal? I don’t even know if we would be good long term but I guess I almost feel like we never gave it a good shot , and the fact that things ended so prematurely has me still wondering .

    However he has not asked me out.

    #822488 Reply

    T from NY

    Please understand. Men sum up if a girl is just hookup material, or if a woman is potential girlfriend material, then later possibly potential forever material – very very quickly. BUT even then – a guy still may not act on whatever category he has placed you in dependent upon WHERE HE IS AT emotionally and what he’s doing in his life. A man once told me he was in such a spot of not wanting to be serious with anyone (because his prior girl had an abortion and didn’t tell him) that a woman could have been the Queen of Sheba and he wouldn’t have locked her down. Sometimes it’s their job or they’re just enjoying being single OR they don’t see it with YOU and saying they don’t want anything serious is just a nice way to relay that information. So when a man tells you he doesn’t want anything serious – BELIEVE HIM. Hollywood has made up this large mythical thing that men “realize how great a girl is and then run through the streets and chase her down”. Movies. Not real life 98.9 percent of the time.

    And very often when a guy shows a little more interest, or isn’t deterred by you turning him down – after you have – it doesn’t mean they all of sudden like you more, or want to date you (as you’ve illustrated he hasn’t asked you out). It’s just you triggered a primal competitiveness in them so they hunt you a little for the emotional ego strokes it gives them, they were always sexually attracted to you and throw out little lines to see if someday in the future you’ll nibble the bait for casual sex, etc.

    So there’s no confusing signals here. A man who wants a relationship, wants something real like you do, wants to be in your life – will be.

    #822561 Reply


    Never confuse a man’s interest with intent and action without exactly that…..

    Interest + words + actions + consistency … all have to be aligned. If even one is not there, it is not there other than a passing fancy.

    #822586 Reply


    Because you did the opposite of what you normally do. You stood your ground, stated what you wanted which most likely surprised him. Let’s face it, far too many women today are quick to put out even when a man states his intentions like he did with you. Women for some reason believe they have a magical VG, that if thy sleep with the guy he will say “wow, her VG is better than ALL the others I’ve dipped my stick into. NOT!

    He respects you for standing your ground, is intrigued by it, as there aren’t many who do (as I stated above). You however need to stop creating false ideas as men are actually very simple and uncomplicated, its women who complicate it because they are operating with a specific motive or agenda (wanting a relationship) which may be the opposite of the man’s. He told you what he wanted [nothing serious]and it doesn’t jive with what you want and that’s what you have to work with. When it comes to men; its best to go with the “what you see is what you get” mentality. Right now all you have is a man who doesn’t want anything serious; is being nice probably to avoid any awkwardness at work yet has said nor done anything to illustrate his mind (motive/agenda) has changed. Stick to the facts you have and it makes dating/life far less complicated. :o)

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