Confused… crossroads

Yes we talk everyday. I know he has a lot of stressful things going on in his life and i dont want to add to that. I do love him and its scary sometimes.

I think your letting your insecurity get the better of you. At such a time with a dying parent around, all his focus would be on his parent. Do you know his parent? Have you ever been introduced to his parent in the past?

I think its ok to say no and maybe he wasnt in the mood. But his message later on doesnt sit well. His actions are confusing. Maybe he is giving you hints that hes not intrstd or maybe hes testing you? But why and for what is not clear..

I think you should for the next few weeks not take any initiative with this guy. Just let him get in touch and only respond when he does get in touch.

A very close friend of mine when she was dating a guy had shared her apprehensions with me. The guy wasnt keen to get physical with her but otherwise he was warm and likable. Its only later on that she realised he was doing that bec he was not quite sure if he wantd to be in a relatnship with her.

I feel you should just observe for the next few weeks. Dont initiate chats or calls, dont approach, dont initiate meetings, dont get confrontational nor seek him out for clarifications. I think you will get to know what his intentions are soon enough.

i think you showed by your actions that you cared by cancelling your date and going to see him instead.. but look at his actions. do you see the discrepancy ?? you cant force him or confront him to make up his mind. but this uncertainty is clearly taking a toll on you. as i said, there is only one way to know for sure what he really wants. and that is to let him steer this for a while and see where he tries to take this. tbh, he doesn’t seem to be too sure about this and i think he will bow out.

I dont think your really reading what has been posted. You shldnt hv to work so hard and make all the efforts in the relatnship. Pls step back from him, this relatnship. Refocus yr energy on other things in life. I am sure you hv your work, family, friends, hobbies, activities you enjoy, etc. Step wayy back. Let him steer this relatnship for a change. Let go and breathe. Be there in case he needs you or when he reaches out.

At the outset leme apologise if my words sound harsh but u do need to start seeing things as they are. He does not want a romantic relationship with you. And what is your thought?

“I love him and thought that with time he could get used to things but i understand that he has personal things going on right now and cant be with me. I would love to get back together with him and see how things play out.”

Please stop making excuses for him. He doesn’t want a romantic relationship with you. Thats all that’s important for you to hear and know. You kept chasing and then cribbing that he isnt makin efforts. Well now you damn well know why you were the only one making all the efforts. Yet instead of accepting the truth, your now again hoping and making excuses for the man.

Scout i dont think what anyone here says is going to matter bec you hv alteady in your mind made excuses for his outright no to being a romantic partner. I thnk your lucky that he made things clear and said no.. thats closure right there for you. Accept his no, respect his wishes and self and move on.

Let go and move on. You cant be his friend when you love the man. Make a clean break and walk away. Take time to be sad and heal. Then get back in the dating game for find a man who does want to be in a romantic relationship with you.

It’s not confusing! You provide the attention he needs , female company. You don’t want to be friends with this man if you have feelings for him.
You

He’s got major baggage that he hasn’t actually dealt with. It has left him scared and not able to cope with life stress well. He doesn’t sound like he’s doing much to change that, but it has left him emotionally unavailable for a real relationship. What he’s giving you right now is all he can give to you. It is up to you to decide if you want and deserve more (which it sounds like you do), and to give yourself space from him so you can heal and be open to meeting new men who are available. His issues are not about you, so you can’t fix or change them. When you get too close romantically he’s too scared, and he can use this “friends” situationship to keep you around and enjoy your company and feel safe having you in his life and his kid’s life. Because he can pull away whenever, since you’re just friends and can’t expect more. It’s not necessarily accurate or fair for him to set that expectation, but that’s the conflict here. Your needs (his need for space and yours for connection) don’t align. So respect yourself enough to not accept being in a situation you don’t want, and get over him fully before you resume a friendship.

I think everyone will be happy to know that i dont initiate anything with him anymore. I finally moved on and have been going on dates with other people. If he wants to reach out he can but i wont be his second choice or option anymore. After time away from him i realized i deserve more and wont be waiting around for him. He told me after our breakup that i shouldn’t wait for him and i wont! I cant deal with him anymore thinking he can play with my heart and my feelings.

Try not to think about the relationship and allow the relationship to go to go the path it is intended to go. This is really about whether he has the grit it takes to be in a love relationship.

Nice! I read your last update. My bad.

He would not make a good friend, so keep on moving on without him in your life :o)