Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Can’t see him during lockdown and he’s upset with me
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Samesame.
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Cat
There’s a shelter in place order in our city due to Coronavirus and we haven’t been seeing each other for the last two weeks.
We have been exclusive for a year and live separately. Before the virus outbreak, we saw each other multiple times a week and I typically spent the weekend at his place. But now, I do grocery shopping for my parents and siblings who are in the at risk group to let them stay at inside so I have been following the shelter in place order religiously because I don’t want to get them sick or potentially get him sick, and vice versa.
Now he’s upset with me because he claims that this means I don’t really love him and don’t want to be with him because we are not seeing each other. And because of such, he doesn’t know if we should be together anymore.
Like really??? Sorry, this is a rant more than anything.
T from NY
If you’ve been dating a year why can’t you two shelter in place together? My current new boyfriend and I self-quarantined for 15 days ( we are very fortunate to work from home) not going anywhere, took our temperatures daily and when we were symptom free for two weeks we met and now only one of us gets groceries for the other (so only one person goes out), or we have them delivered and we stay home so we can meet each other. Does your bf have kids or something else that would prevent him from quarantining with you? He would definitely have to be willing to self isolate for 2 weeks before coming over – but then you would know he was safe to be around.
If you two are unable to do this, if he’s still working in public,it is very unkind of him to act this way. And sometimes crises bring out how someone really is. My advice is to be still with you and ask if you want to be with someone who makes threats of leaving of you while you’re under such stress and for situations that are not in your control. He might just be frustrated and upset right now. That’s normal. But if he’s being serious about breaking off your relationship if he’s not able to see you while you’re caring for loved ones – this might be a gift from the universe for you to see how he really is.
kaye
Do you live with your parents and siblings? If so, I can understand, but if not what is the difference between going to the grocery store and potentially being exposed to it from absolute strangers but not seeing your boyfriend?
Do you see what I’m saying? You are at risk every single time you go to the grocery store for your family. Let’s say you wipe down the grocery cart and your groceries and wash your hands religiously before you put them away. But what about the keys you grabbed to get into the car or your car door? You touch these again within 72 hours and pick up the virus again. If you are willing to go out at the mercy of having absolute strangers cough or sneeze on you why not see him? What does he have to go to the grocery store to see you now?
Or could you not see each other and stay 6 feet apart? Just to sit and talk and enjoy a meal together or a movie?
alia
Suppose if he is quarantined for two weeks, and is willing to take a risk to see you, you could see him. Then see him again in two weeks if he has no symptoms. And so on. You could also see him 6 feet apart with masks on somewhere outside.
Samesame
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years and we’re currently living separately during this lockdown with our own families. We spent the same amount of time with each other before and now haven’t seen each other for over a month!
My bf said it a few times that he would come see me, it didn’t work out in the end due to the public transport restrictions and you know what? I’m so glad he didn’t come see me! I ended up getting a fever a few days after our proposed meet up and I’m pretty sure I had a mild version of covid. If he had come to see me I would be exposed him and his parents to it and I would have felt so guilty!
I hope your bf can understand that this isn’t about not wanting to spend time together. Don’t put your lives at risk or else you’ll lose out on the long term.
Use videocalls, text each other, schedule some alone time, use Netflix party!
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