Calling me clingy and pulling away


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This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  kaye 3 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #775731 Reply

    Anna

    This guy I have been seeing out of the blue drunkenly confessed his feelings for me after three months. He said all the things I’ve always wanted to hear from a man about how he cares about me and wants to be with me. I believe he was about to tell me he loved me but I cut him off because I wasn’t quite ready to hear it.

    We were away for a weekend, but when we got back things suddenly changed. I also tell him how strong my feelings are for me and how I see myself with him everyday for the rest of my life. However I am moving for a job in a couple months, and from what he’s told me he doesn’t want to stay together.

    Last night, things were bad between us. He called me clingy (even though I had not changed, maybe texted him a little extra the night before because I was a little drunk, but I thought at this stage I could be more emotionally open with him). He said “there’s things you don’t like about me probably” and being distant with me. He said he isn’t the clingy type and whe I said okay he tries to kiss me and be all over me. I left his house with the feeling like he didn’t want me around. Is he pushing me away? What do I do?

    #775733 Reply

    Newbie

    Yeah it sounds like he is pulling away and making disclaimers about himself being ready. The clingy thing i wouldnt take too seriously as its a guys number one reason they dont want to proceed and see clingy everywhere, even where it isnt. None the less it still looks he is highly unsure up to a no wanting to proceed.
    For you: you are moving in a few months so its a big question for me if you should even try to hang on. But if you do, your only option is to completely back off and get busy busy busy.
    Secondly you should Google seven stages a guy falls in love. You will see at the 3 month mark a guy will make up his mind and all sweet words he said before that need to be forgotten.
    It looks like this guy did and decided to go with the clingy defence. Not nice i know but it happens a lot. Dont take it personal but guys in the end are way more rational when it comes to a yayy or nayy. And everything needs to fit for it to become a yayy. Take care and really get busy busy busy

    #775734 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    He might genuinely have feelings for you but be pulling away because you’re moving in a couple of months. This happened to a friend of mine. She was puzzled because a guy she was dating and getting close to started pulling away shortly before she was to move out of state for a new job. I told her, of course he’s pulling away! Why should he get attached and invested in you when you’re going to be gone soon? He had to distance himself emotionally.

    If you’re moving away, I’d let this one go. Long distance is really hard and you’ve been dating 3 months right? That’s not enough of a foundation to decide whether you want to spend your lives together. It sucks because you seem to have a good connection, but the timing is unfortunately off for you two.

    #775735 Reply

    Anna

    The annoying part is that it’s only about a year and half training program, and then I’d be back. But he says he won’t even keep in contact because it’ll be too hard. Which I call BS on because first if you actually wanted to you’d try and make it work and also I’m assuming he’s using that as an excuse so he doesn’t risk getting hurt.

    #775736 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    How old are you two?

    In his defense, a year and a half is a long time. Maybe he knows he can’t handle long distance. Maybe he’s afraid of getting hurt. Maybe he’s afraid of hurting you, if he genuinely likes you but knows he can’t be faithful for a year and a half. Maybe he doesn’t know how to express all that, so he’s projecting it onto other things like saying you’re “clingy”.
    Whatever his reasons are, at least he’s being truthful with you that he doesn’t want to stay in touch or do long distance. At least he’s not playing games and stringing you along, pretending he can do long distance when he really can’t, or doesn’t want to. It would be a lot more painful to deal with a LTR (which is already difficult enough) and have it be unstable or unhealthy. If a guy tells you he doesn’t want a relationship, believe him and walk away. Don’t try to convince him or change his mind.

    #775737 Reply

    Newbie

    You sound like the Emily from the post he wont do long distance in your last post and posting again. If thats you then i guess ypure not ready to accept he doesnt want to proceed. . And with this post: he has valid reasons not to want ldr and thats not because he is scared his feelings are getting hurt. He is being practical and so should you. 3 months is too short to build a foundation for 1 1/2 years of ldr and there are already issues about him.

    #775752 Reply

    Danita

    I think that circumstances such as distance are very valid reasons to call the potential relotionship quits. I think that you take this too personally. Him not wanting to do LDR doesn’t reflect on you.

    #775758 Reply

    kaye

    What I’ve seen from guys is at the 3-4 month mark they view any obstacle to the relationship being long term as a reason to calls to quits. In this case since you’re moving I think it’s valid. I mean who wants to imagine doing an LDR for a year and a half if you’ve only been dating 3 months? Can you imagine committing to something for 6 times as long as your relationship?

    And when are women going to realize drunken confessions about feelings are just that?!?!? He may be feeling it all in the moment but once he sobers up and gets back to reality it’s not how he feels. Unfortunately I’ve had a similar experience myself. Dated an amazing guy who was perfect on paper but I just didn’t have the chemistry. We had been dating around 3 months when my birthday rolled around and he made the day and night AMAZING! He really listened to everything I liked and pulled it all into a wonderful day. We hit up 4 different places for drinks, appetizers, dinner to desserts just to get all my favorites in. By the end of this whirlwind day with presents and flowers and food and a little too much wine he told me he loved me for the first time and I said it back.

    Only I shouldn’t have. I felt it in that moment but by the next day I realized I didn’t really feel it and I was leading him on. I loved what he had done for me that day but wasn’t IN LOVE with him. Kind of like how a guy might tell you he loves you while making love but he really loves how you’re making him feel in the moment.

    Here he had sobered up and you are confessing how you can see yourself with him everyday for the rest of your life!! That’s a pretty heavy statement at 3 months and I can see how he interpreted that as clingy. So you can’t say “even though I had not changed” because you had changed. As soon as you told him you saw a forever future with him things changed!!!!

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