Busy boyfriend—should I take a step back?

Ah yeah we actually live in different countries (Europe and Asia) and met when he was on a student exchange. Because of COVID we haven’t met for over a year 😅. So yes you are right we have more of a “virtual relationship” haha. I have about 2 more years of grad studies, and he has a bond to work for the government for another 2 years. But we do talk about the future/marriage and moving to the same location afterwards. Right now because of various reasons I’m taking a year off of school, so I wanted to visit him in Asia sometime, although getting the visa is an issue in these COVID times.

Thank you for the advice! We do try to spend to weekend together on video calls. But once he starts work I just feel kinda lonely… I don’t know if it’s normal or I’m being clingy?

We used to be able to talk about deep and personal things and get each other easily, and didn’t feel bored even with hours of talking. But now it’s harder to engage him for any serious topic, say at New Years I wanted to talk about how we grew in the past year etc, he jokes around or gets distracted. So lately I haven’t felt as connected 😌

i have a friend that i have been involved with for about 4 years we use to talk all the time but now he work 2 jobs and we dont communicate as much we still talk on the phone and text and we still see each other i really like him actually falling in love but i get mad when he dont respond back to me right away and when he do he tell me he was sleep do i believe him yes he even sometimes text me out of the blue when im not expecting to hear from him so yes he does check on me time to time.

In my frank opinion – this definitely doesn’t seem sustainable for 2 more years if you aren’t allowed to visit. Honestly I’m surprised you don’t see how normal his behavior is for a man who hasn’t seen, or had sex, with his girlfriend in a year! Sure some marriages and long term relationships can survive long distance when it’s a necessity (due to one partners job etc) but even if y’all spent a year or two together – you just spent one year physically apart. Men don’t bond through words, they bond through shared activities. I would completely take a step back, start focusing more on yourself, stop trying to having deep discussion or feelings chats and make arrangements as quickly as your able to visit him. Don’t play games – but get into your own stuff enough that you become mysterious to him again, and he wonders what YOUR doing. No! It’s not satisfying, and I understand (believe me) that once a sweet little routine of communication is established it’s very difficult to allow that to change without getting anxious. But I would also give him major slack because although many relationships ‘survive’ distance, very few ‘thrive’ unless there is regular intervals of physical contact. Diligently work on taking the focus off of him and the relationship, because if he wants it to work, he will make sure he does. It wouldn’t be anyone’s fault if things changed or didn’t work out. There’s you can DO to repair whatever’s happening as the other person has to CHOOSE. All you can DO is YOU. Wish you finding peace as you can! It will only help!

Hii guys, just wanted to say thank you for all the advice ☺️🙏. There’s a tangible shift in our relationship when I stopped trying to control the situation, got busy with finding research projects and hanging out with friends, and just letting him take the lead/matching his energy levels. In fact he became much more loving and talkative, and it feels much better that it’s his choice to and not because I guilt-tripped him. Haha but we really do miss each other’s presence and hope to meet this year soon. Thank you again for all the wisdom and seasoned advice! Might post more in the future hehe🙏