This topic contains 42 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Maddie 1 week, 3 days ago.
April 12, 2021 at 6:17 pm #856696
I met someone on bumble, hitted of really well on texting, got to know we live in the same community. We discussed our love for food. He shared pictures with me if he was making something good and invited me to eat. Which I politely denied multiple times for food, coffee, tea. we met felt good normal conversations get to know phase, but nothing really I felt was on dating side. He wanted to make another house plan but I suggested a morning hike, after that he invited me for coffee at home, which I politely denied again. Next a random getaway on a weekday ( both have full time job ), I didn’t wanted to be rude but I said had it been a weekend that would have been great. The next day he send me a picture of an amazing dish he was making, ( his location was shoeing far off beauty of bumble app, you see the distance) after a few fun conversations he invited me again, though I could clearly see that he was not at his place I took it as an opportunity and told him very politey and in a fun way that I don’t go to people’s house on a very early stage. But I really like what he is cooking so I can come to his buidling or he can give me in a box or come to my building.
after this conversation we texted a few more minutes that he invites me but I never accept his invitation and I never invite him over….and then he didn’t text me for 3 days.
after 3 days he sent an emoji to which i responded and told him that I am in middle of something. I took initiatve too for texting but we had bare min texts for next 2 days.
and then close to the weekend I see him in another state Hawaii (on App) which is cool.
I felt may be my constant denying of house date pushed him, i felt bad but again i felt i did the right thing on standing my ground.
In my head I just have one question we live in the same community
he ghosted me once came back we talked very little if he texts me again should I respond ?
I am feeling horrible as a person because I don’t want to respond , but for that to happen I want him to text him ( it is satisfing my ego ? ) why do I even want him to tet if i don’t want to respond, I feel what if we cross paths in our locality…what should i do.
PS. I thought may be I could have a future with him, both in 30’s and working full time.
April 12, 2021 at 6:44 pm #856706
- This topic was modified 3 weeks, 4 days ago by ANM Staff. Reason: removed profile pic
I would suggest not to respond and move on, you probably live in a big communityhave you eer met the same dog again or any one ..No !
and he would also probably not like to encounter ,
we all are wearing masks, you didn’t even know he existed before you guys matched..so what , nothing is going to happen.
If a guy wants to see you and wants something long term, he will invite you over, even if you politely say no , he will understand where you are coming from, or that you ar not comfortable and make plans outside ( because you met twice in something you both felt comfortable..public space ) he would not ghost you !
Moral of the story …pull away , don’t respond to his texts in future, its a done deal.April 13, 2021 at 12:49 am #856764
I understand girl, where you are coming from
1. No matter what the scenario, the best thing you can do is focus on yourself and your happiness. This is the real secret to finding love. It starts with you. It starts with learning to love yourself, and not with trying to find secret ways to make someone love you.
2. If a guy doesn’t text you for a week and there’s been no communication at all, then it’s best to interpret that as a passive sign that he does not want to continue the relationship dynamic with you and would do best to treat it as a breakup.
In this case, the right move when he doesn’t text you back after a week is to move on with your life. Not necessarily to someone else, but move on with still being hung up on this guy.
3.The reason this is the right move is because one of two things will happen when you let him go and move on: Either he will let you go or he will come back and make it very clear he did not mean to leave you.
If he lets you go, then you came be certain he wanted to leave and there was no chance of a relationship with him ever happening.
If he comes back and gives you a reasonable explanation of what happened, then that’s great too. You wanted him to come back and he did. The big thing to realize here is that he needs to come back to you on his own. It can’t be something you forced him to do.
Ironically though, out of all the options, moving on will make him the most likely to come back to you if there’s any chance of it happening.
If he does, great, but if he doesn’t you wasted no time and your door is open to someone else who will appreciate you in all the ways you want.
4. In this day and age, we have access to more potential options than ever and this is an obvious blessing and a curse.
Maybe you’ve been chatting with a seemingly awesome guy on your dating app of choice. Maybe you’ve even gone out a few times. You think this one has potential … but then he just drops off the map. It’s very possible that he was talking to five other girls at the same time and it just clicked with someone else. Or maybe he was casually dating another girl when you started talking and they recently became official.
I’ve been in those situations and fortunately the guy had the decency to tell me the truth, but I haven’t been single in a while and times have changed! Sometimes people opt to just avoid uncomfortable emotional conversations and just keep swiping and move onto the next.
Remember, you aren’t an official couple until you’re an official couple. Until he explicitly locks you down, he’s a free agent as are you and he doesn’t owe you anything really. Yes, there is a courteous way to handle situations, but you can’t expect commitment or monogamy from a guy you barely know.
You have to take every situation for exactly what it is at this moment, not what you would like it to turn into at some point in the future.April 13, 2021 at 1:18 am #856770
I ended up texting :(
I was feeling sad, anxious and was constantly thinking that I did something wrong, atleast I will be assured that I did my bit. It has been 3 days last time he texted me after 2 there is nothing wrong in taking a bit initiative i guess…lets see how things go…i cant be in this dilemma state for long :( i am a person who needs clear answersApril 13, 2021 at 2:35 am #856787
His non response is your answer…
Please don’t torture yourself any longer.April 13, 2021 at 3:47 am #856798
T from NY
I read somewhere:
When you start seeing your worth, you’ll stop seeing those who don’t.April 13, 2021 at 9:19 am #856852
You are a desperate woman, which I’m sure he can pick up on. He’s trying to use this to his advantage for easy sex, which is why he keeps asking you to come over for the first “date”.April 13, 2021 at 12:33 pm #856894
Thank you for the feedback
I do agree with the things you said, but I also believe that giving yourself a second chance for your own mental peace is really important.
What he is supposed to do or think I can’t control, but I can take care of my measured actions, and its not wrong if a guy is sexually attracted or is baiting for “easy sex” some girls want that too. IT all comes to a point what I want and if that can be fulfilled
he WAS respectful, friendly, may be wanted something with no strings, but that’s not what I want and there is no harm in checking if things can steer the way I want , if we don’t want men to lead to sex may be we can offer other options of hanging out. Now if he doesn’t even take that and maintains distance that will be end of it, making it clear want something with no strings or actual conversation.April 13, 2021 at 12:41 pm #856898
And Andrea …don’t make strong statements …”desperate” , I want a lasting relationship and willing to explore the possibilities and make required effort
If I had been desperate I would have gone to his place multiple times by now…so I am hopeful but not desperateApril 13, 2021 at 2:33 pm #856932
I’m afraid Andrea was harsh but it was an honest assessment. You sound like you want to try to make/force something happen and try to get someone to do something they don’t really want instead of just letting it go. That sounds a bit desperate.
Find someone who wants what you want. This guy isn’t it. It’s not like he’s the last man on earth, there are other people out there. Amazing people, better matched to your needs! You won’t find them by trying to manipulate this guy.April 13, 2021 at 11:39 pm #857056
You do sound desperate other wise you wouldn’t have responded. This guy does seem to want the cake without putting in effort, inviting you multiple times in the first few dates is a big giveaway, surely you see that right?
I was young and naive a few years ago and was in a similar situation where he was constantly inviting me over to his place and did not progress. I wanted a relationship and I told him flat out that it I’m not looking for just fun, he said we were on the same page. End up telling me he was in love with someone else and was using me to piss off his ex or something…
Your gut is telling you something is off, that’s why you posted on here and it’s telling me that you’re trying to force this into something you want.April 16, 2021 at 12:51 am #858723
You can’t be ghosted by someone you weren’t in a relationship with. There are a lot of losers and flakes out there. This kind of thing happens. You meet someone and it doesn’t work out. Try not to take it personally.April 16, 2021 at 8:09 am #858967
Hi is not ghosting you. He is living his life, the way he wants to live it, and is most likely chatting with other women as well. That’s what SINGLE people do when they are playing the field (meeting, talking to or dating people).
Men are very simple creatures. If a man is putting in minimal effort then you don’t entertain them. Only spend your time on guys who are investing their TIME & MONEY in getting to know you on an IN PERSON level. Do you want to date a phone or a man? If all the time you are spending together is on the phone, then its best to disconnect from those who engage in “e-tethering” asap. Look up “e-tethering” and it will help you understand how or why men do it, simply because women let them do it. If more women stopped entertaining men via their phone or online, less men would engage in it, just saying.April 17, 2021 at 8:53 pm #859487
I_D I think you did the right thing of doing what you felt as right. I really hope he wasn’t looking for easy sex and he will text you back and you both get along beautifully as lovers. Because I see you like him and miss him. If you were not into him, maybe you wouldn’t even bother to wait for his text. But yeah if he doesn’t reply you then he missed you. You are taking time to write hear this beautiful story speaks about how serious good person you are. Take care! I pray God all Good ones meet the good ones.April 20, 2021 at 2:16 am #860504
So we somehow connected again when I texted him last, I made some authentic delicacy as it was an auspicious day for our community ( both belong to same). He was happy and I shared food with him, met for hardly 5 minutes. On this occasion in our community we share food.
He asked me out again, this weekend, we spent the whole day together exploring a near by place eating , drinking, laughing…a lot of talking ! all smiles
My alcohol capacity is okish but somehow I got badly drunk because we got an icecream. which made me very drunk ! and I puked, he took care of me, no hanky panky stuff.
He took me to his place, we had to stop car after every few miles bcaue I was still puking (3-4 times we stopped ). He talked about his past relationships, asked about mine , about how he wants to settle. He was holding my hand most of the time as I was cold and shivering.
Prepared me some food, by that time I crashed on his sofa, woke me up gave me some water and food..and asked to comfortably sleep in his bed. I was cold as ICE ..like freezing.
and he slept out on sofa.
At night I was coughing a lot, he came in to check on me , i was freezing. I asked him where he is sleeping, felt bad because it was his home, I told him I will go home or I should be sleeping outside..he said he will get his blanket and come. I was still coughing he helped me a bit hugged me as I was super cold. I kinda felt his touch was more caring ( not a pervert) we go a little close. My head was still spinning he gave me medicine and carassed my head so I can be at ease.
Any time I woke up he woke up with me to give water or anything.
Morning I got up my head was still spinning. He asked me how I was feeling asked me to sleep again for a while, got up did his chores. When my alarm went off he very politely asked if I want to get up and if I need anything tea/coffee.
I said this is weird I was always denying for food at his place and now I slept. He said its fine, I was not in a condition to go to my place and he didn’t know where my apartment is ( I never told him ) he just knows the building.
He gave me food , because I made him previously and then dropped me home, I said its walking distance I can go..but he insisted. we did talk a little today on chat but I guess both are tired and still absorbing what happened.
There was definitely a vibe of togetherness, and the touch or cuddling felt very soothing. I have been out with guys in similar situation when i was half this drunk and they tried kissing or hugging…this didn’t feel gross.
What do you guys think?April 20, 2021 at 2:23 am #860507
do you think he sees afuture with me or its how I want to see things.eve when we were sleeping I felt he wanted to get close , even I wanted to but we maintained that physical sexual distance . It was more of like you want this long term so don’t want to screw it upApril 20, 2021 at 2:11 pm #860770
It sounds more like you got food poisoning or a virus than anything else, so I hope you’re okay. Him taking care of you and not taking advantage of you when presumably drunk is just basic decency and doesn’t indicate anything else. You can thank him for a good time and for making sure you were okay (as that sounds like common decency to do on your end), but I wouldn’t reach out beyond that. Give him space to show his interest level. If he’s still interested in getting to know you better, he’ll ask you out again without you continuing to prompt him. It’s way too early to know if he sees a future with you as he basically doesn’t know you yet at all. And you don’t actually know him yet either! But men with low interest who are not consistently pursuing you without you forcing things along generally aren’t that interested in relationships. One date doesn’t tell you anything. A couple months of consistent effort getting to know each other and going on dates does. Early dating is about getting to know him and assessing if he would be a good, compatible partner and worth your time, not about hoping and chasing and winning him over.
Lean back now and be very aware of your alcohol consumption when you’re alone around strangers because you don’t want to accidentally find yourself in a situation where you can’t get yourself home and the guy doesn’t have common decency and isn’t nice.April 20, 2021 at 5:31 pm #860800
Do you want to hear what you want to hear… or do you want the truth?
I’m guess it’s the first, because you’ve asked total strangers on the internet twice to reassure you that he’s interested and you could have a “future” with this man, which I feel like means he will want to marry you, despite the fact that you hardly know each other and he’s not shown any great interest.
Yes, next week he will confess his love, will propose with a giant diamond ring at Christmas and you’ll be married next June.
If you are, you can stop reading.
The truth is – no one here can possibly answer your question and you are unfortunately coming across as pretty needy and desperate. You don’t know this man and you’ve already decided he’s the one for you. OK, so he took care of you when you were drunk, sick from what you ate, whatever. That’s someone being decent and polite. Vibe of togetherness? Uh sweetie… NO. That’s a big reach.
Bottom line: when a man is interested, you know it. When he wants you, you know it. If you have to post asking strangers on the internet to play mindreader for you, the answer is most likely he’s not.April 20, 2021 at 11:35 pm #860853
@Maddie and @Angie
Thank you for great advice. I thanked him for taking care of me.
And I truly understand he might be looking for a partner but few early dates can’t even make me decide if he is the one, so I halted the thought that is he seeing future with me (too early).
I am very calm for some reason.Generally if something like this happens I am over the fence …like where do we stand…blah blah. But in this case I didn’t even bring the relationship discussion even once between us.
We haven’t talked after that but the only thing I am worried about is if he reaches out again..what should be my response ?
I don’t want to come as easy target because I had a sleepover once( though I was not well)…but I can’t have this pattern repeat.April 21, 2021 at 4:02 am #861061
Anddd I got atext right after I posted here :)
again very light hearted conversation with alil humor to it
He asked m how I was feeling ?
I replied that I am feeling so awkward with being wasted and the sleepover.
He was like how do you know you were wasted…and I remembered there was a dog playing in a park and I climbed the fence to pet that dog..after that its all blurred what we did.
Even when we were cuddling all I was asking him if we can get a dog .
Please help me what should I talk about and how should I proceed if we meet next. I am attracted to him but I don’t want to cross line unless there is something solid.April 23, 2021 at 6:23 pm #861915
And there is radio silence.
We went on Sunday, The last we texted was Tuesday,and it was a normal question asked by me…which he saw but didn’t reply.
I have not initiated any conversation after that, but I am trying to find answers, of what might have happened…which I know I should not be doing.
I have 95% lost the hope of re connecting. But this 5% is there and it is confussing,and more of like ….if there is a text or re connection …how should i respond ? And no reply or text since Tuesday is not normal …
And ladies thank you for your advice earlier.April 23, 2021 at 6:49 pm #861919
You do nothing now. You see if he reaches out and asks you out on a real date. You can’t use the excuse of you aren’t ready to go to his place after this incident though if he asks you for another date at his place. If he does ask you for a date at his place, you could do lunch on a weekend or just dinner on a weeknight (no “Netflix and chill”).
Let this incident remain in the past. Don’t bring it up again and don’t keep apologizing.April 23, 2021 at 6:52 pm #861920
I’m sorry to say this, but it doesn’t seem like he’s very interested. I know you’re disappointed but I would just let this one go. If he comes back at some point it’s only because he’s bored or it didn’t work out with someone else.April 23, 2021 at 8:27 pm #861934
I think you should delete his number and texts so you stop agonizing over what to say. He’s not been consistently or even particularly interested in your entire account here. Why do you want someone with lukewarm interest who keeps you anxious and guessing? That’s not the foundation for a relationship. Do you usually go for guys who seem more unavailable and non-committal?April 24, 2021 at 1:20 am #861983
Thank you for the guidance @Angie and @Maddie