Boy texts just to "see how i'm doing"

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This topic contains 20 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Elvira 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #837621 Reply


    Texted me out of nowhere “how’s life? just seeing how you’re doing”. After like 2 or three more messages I asked directly “so what do you want? :)” He replied “brutal lol…. i really just was seeing how you’re doing:)”

    what the f***?

    anyone and everyone explain or give your two cents. i’m dating a bunch of other folks so i’m not really planning to text him back, but i admit this has me curious (obviously, woulnd’t have started a thread here otherwise)

    #837627 Reply


    Just checking to see if you’re still on the line and if he can get you to bite. You are and you did. He’ll do it again. It’s meaningless. He was just looking for an ego boost. He got it. Either block him or ignore him in the future if you don’t want more of the same.

    #837634 Reply


    thanks, AB! there’s no dating history (i just didn’t really see him like that), mutual friend introduced us. (so it’s not an ex). but good to know. looks like my instinct was right. i don’t see the need to block, this isn’t an ex and it isn’t toxic/harrassment. will def ignore/not respond if it’s more of the same (these impersonal messages, etc) and def won’t be initiating a new convo or anything. i think your reply was bit strong “you are on the line and you did bite” – i mean it was a freakin text message back, that’s it… that said i do agree there’s not much here. i never reply to every text i get, i actually replied to him tho just bc we hadn’t spoken in forever and honestly i was trying to be courteous. never give all of my attention until they’ve beyond earned it, but i do tend to just give people (friends or otherwise) the benefit of the doubt unless there’s a nasty history.

    #837649 Reply


    LOL – you asked what the f***, I answered straight. No insult intended. What I said applies whether you were dating or not.

    #837672 Reply


    Why are you getting this upset and angry over a bunch of harmless text messages? He just asked how you are doing…which is a pretty normal conversation starter, especially with people you don’t know that well. I mean why would that get you in such an aggressive state?

    And why does this confuse you? Like is it so weird that someone wants to get to know you?
    Are you always offended when people want to chat? Do you always presume people want something from you when they say hi?
    Or was he hitting on you and you got angry at that?
    Or was he not hitting on you and that’s what made you angry?

    I‘m confused what your issue is here.

    #837692 Reply


    i agree with cupcake! i also don’t see any issue with him sending you a harmless text message. we don’t know what his motive is, he might be bored, just want someone to banter with..he might want to be friends with you or interested in you…so what..if you don’t want to do anything with him, then just ignore…

    #837745 Reply


    I think he is looking for attention and ego boost. I think your answer was perfect. If he wants to reconsider his intentions with you then he knows where to find it. Dont get upset :)

    #837767 Reply


    OK, this all makes a lot more sense now. I read the latest responses on here and was like, “upset? angry? am i on the wrong thread? who’s upset here?”

    i think now i get it – sittinghere laughing, bc maybe i’m from a different generation than y’all – but when i say what the f it’s me texting a gf or just being silly or lighthearted – it does not mean i am MAD or REALLY UPSET. i am old enough that i don’t actually use the f word at someone or if i’m mad – that’s abusive and uncalled for. i use it all the time for pretty much anything else tho, just like millions of other people….

    even AB responded lighthearted to my post to her, which i appreciated, bc it shows women can be nice to each other:)

    #837769 Reply


    anyway – to cupcake – your post confused me so much bc it seemed like it was *you* who was angry and aggressive, not me, but i really you just don’t know me and there is no tone to online posts. to answer:

    i was actually more along your lines of thinking that is obviously a convo starter, for the reasons you just listed! maybe he wants to get to know me, maybe it’s something else, maybe it’s working up to ask for something… gosh know i don’t “GET OFFENDED!” when people want to chat – if you’d read my 2nd post you’d see i generally give people the benefit of the doubt unless i know better. since there’s no history, there’s a clean slate. i thought that was pretty obvious and implied. anyway –

    no i was not upset at all LOL, what i really wanted from this thread which i did not state at the beginning but what so i see why people are confused now is:

    JUST out of curiosity, not meant to spark a war, but just curious- guys on this forum, did you ever text a girl out of nowhere and if you did why/what did you want/what ended up happening, and girls, were you ever texted by a guy out of nowhere and what did he want, how did you respond and what ended up happening?

    why i asked what HE wanted? bc i’m a direct person, not afraid, didn’t know if he legit needed something friendship or businesswise, i didn’t just jump to the romantic. common sense just tells me guys don’t usually reach out to girls unless they want something.

    emcee, you gave another answer that i feel like answers what i just said – maybe he’s bored, maybe he wants a banter buddy, wants to be friends…

    Zoe – thanks for your repsonse – again, if he wants to get his butt in gear and state what he really wanted, he now has the green light to do so, otherwise, as you and AB suggested, if he texted merely out of impulse of the moment and had no real plans/thoughts, then case closed:)

    everyone take a deep breath and try and remember this is just supposed to be a lighthearted thread…. :)

    #837771 Reply


    apols for the mad typos in my last post, as you know ANM does not let you edit posts

    #837780 Reply


    Why do you come here asking a superdumb question that you acknowledge is superdumb but you are curious (means he has some meaning to you) to then debunk all the advice you get. You get a kick out of that?

    #837781 Reply


    The least you can do woth light hearted questions is respond light hearted but you do the opposite

    #837787 Reply


    Wow – tough crowd OP. I don’t see you “debunking” everything, you agreed and even said thank you several times… this is supposed to be the internet where people can simply ask others for insight. maybe your question was better suited to quora or /r

    #837792 Reply


    Yeah no, you don’t sound angry and upset at all. Especially your calm responses to people who don’t agree with you, just really show how little bothered you are by this.

    People in here don’t know you. They are responding to how you come across in your post. And thats how you came across. ( Oh and maybe don’t throw f-bombs around and expect complete strangers to know how to interpret them)

    But yes my response sure was snarky and it might ve come across as rude. So apologies for that. I did not mean to offend you.

    For me this is not a situation i can identify with. I find it silly and depressing. To just outright expect an ulterior motif when a male friend checks in on them? No. I have plenty of male friends who talk to me just bc they want to talk to me.

    Does it sometimes happen with certain men? Sure. Am i ever bothered or suspicious enough that i would call them out on it or demand they state their motif for texting me? NO. I just ignore them and move on with my life.

    But I am sure there are other ppl with other opinions and experiences on here.

    #837821 Reply


    So jess is probably op responding as ‘jess’.
    Im referring to the comment: please take a deep breath and remember that this is just etc. Thats debunking people who actually tried to give advice. Same with the age comment. Like we are y’all out of the loop on life and y’all what else.
    And to answer the girls have you ever gotten Hi texts from guys and what were you thinking and what did you do?
    Yeah i got them. What did i do: no idea, i probably forgot all about them.

    #837831 Reply


    hey cupcake- i was wrong – your message was not snarky or rude at all, which i now know from your latest post. definitely will take up your advice on f-bomb not use. one thing you said did make me think i should clarify – he is not an actual friend (bc you’re totally right, a friend just saying that to me would be totally normal), he’s someone a mutual friend intro’ed to me forever ago. and now he’s just reached out outta nowhere. honestly? now that i’ve had some time to think on this, i’d say “go live your life, definitely, but the next couple of days will probably show if he wanted anything bc he will message again. if he says nothing, then you have your answer, that it was just impulse of moment/for an ego boost/just a text message.”

    #837833 Reply


    Fair enough. I just think you shouldn’t ponder this too much. Like he is not a friend. If he keeps texting you, follow your gut. Text back if you enjoy the conversation. Ignore when/if he starts to get creepy. No need to mull this over.

    I would try to get out of the “if a man texts me…there must be some ulterior motif to it” mindset tho. I mean does that happen. Sure. Probably a lot. But all this is doing is putting you on the defensive all the time. Just a negative space you don’t need to be in.
    Whatever the case: i hope he turns out to be a nice guy who just wanted to say hi and wish you all the best

    #837840 Reply


    To the poster… there was nothing light hearted in your question , nor your responses.

    If you did not care, you would have read the text, thought… meh, whatever and either responded or didn’t and then spent not one more second on this.

    Honestly, this whole thing just seems silly. We don’t know what he wants and since he is not your boyfriend, it merits 0 seconds of consideration.

    #838008 Reply


    I don’t understand what you’re so miffed about either? Not every guy has an ulterior motive. He was *most likely* bored, getting his oil changed or something that required a long wait, went through his list of contacts, saw yours and dropped a “how are you” text. Heck, he could have done it to a few others he hadn’t seen or talked to in awhile?

    When I receive them out of the blue, especially from someone I don’t really know, my first thought isn’t “what do they want?” My initial thought is born out of *curiosity.* Being the naturally curious person I am, a little chit chat will reveal the answer to me. Until you have some conversation to go with, especially if you don’t know them well, only then can you know what their motive for contact is. His was obviously to just say “hi” based on his response and to possibly kill some time—nothing more, nothing less. A few exchanges would have revealed the answer if you allowed the conversation to naturally flow, fade and/or die away. I suspect he won’t be asking how you’re doing ever again lol.

    #838123 Reply


    either you’re poor at communicating and that leads to misunderstandings. Or the person you think/claim you are, isnt who you really are. the latter is very common that I see often. catch myself doing it too occasionally. no shame in it as long as you recognize it. “dont believe your own bs” is the saying

    someone who gives the benefit of the doubt wouldn’t have jumped to a dating subtext off a mere text about how you were. Especially during a P a n d e m i c which is a fairly obvious reason to do random check ups on anyone’s well being. last year I texted one female acquaintance I last talked to some 5 years ago. I forget what made me think of her initially but she used to have terrible anxiety issues and I was curious how someone like her was coping. Turns out she said she was doing well, good on her. but said it cheered her up that someone was thinking of her. And knowing I cheered her up cheered _me_ up. after a few more small talk texts I bid her goodbye with good wishes and that was that. Confident she forgot about me the next day. I didnt ask if she was single or dating or whatever because that wasnt my intention one bit. curious sure but it would’ve been an inappropriate/misleading thing to ask

    Since April I’ve texted a bunch of folks. I was selective about which women I texted (only 3 in the end) based largely on who wouldnt get the wrong impression or expectations. these are isolated/vulnerable times after all. and I’m not immune to slipping into something I would regret. but seeing the way you reacted to that text though, my caution feels vindicated

    I get the impression you may not be very mature and instead a little drama-seeking. especially seeing the escalation in the comments. I think a woman with a stable ego (“I’m dating a _bunch_ of other folks” was a funny extraneous detail) would’ve either brushed off the text or not made such a big deal out of it. especially after the guy literally explained the question you want answers or input on. and if it was lighthearted/jestful like you say, there was nothing in your original post that implied it so :-)

    #838155 Reply


    Agree with Anderson 100%!

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