Boy texts just to "see how i'm doing"

thanks, AB! there’s no dating history (i just didn’t really see him like that), mutual friend introduced us. (so it’s not an ex). but good to know. looks like my instinct was right. i don’t see the need to block, this isn’t an ex and it isn’t toxic/harrassment. will def ignore/not respond if it’s more of the same (these impersonal messages, etc) and def won’t be initiating a new convo or anything. i think your reply was bit strong “you are on the line and you did bite” – i mean it was a freakin text message back, that’s it… that said i do agree there’s not much here. i never reply to every text i get, i actually replied to him tho just bc we hadn’t spoken in forever and honestly i was trying to be courteous. never give all of my attention until they’ve beyond earned it, but i do tend to just give people (friends or otherwise) the benefit of the doubt unless there’s a nasty history.

Why are you getting this upset and angry over a bunch of harmless text messages? He just asked how you are doing…which is a pretty normal conversation starter, especially with people you don’t know that well. I mean why would that get you in such an aggressive state?

And why does this confuse you? Like is it so weird that someone wants to get to know you?
Are you always offended when people want to chat? Do you always presume people want something from you when they say hi?
Or was he hitting on you and you got angry at that?
Or was he not hitting on you and that’s what made you angry?

I‘m confused what your issue is here.

I think he is looking for attention and ego boost. I think your answer was perfect. If he wants to reconsider his intentions with you then he knows where to find it. Dont get upset :)

anyway – to cupcake – your post confused me so much bc it seemed like it was *you* who was angry and aggressive, not me, but i really you just don’t know me and there is no tone to online posts. to answer:

i was actually more along your lines of thinking that is obviously a convo starter, for the reasons you just listed! maybe he wants to get to know me, maybe it’s something else, maybe it’s working up to ask for something… gosh know i don’t “GET OFFENDED!” when people want to chat – if you’d read my 2nd post you’d see i generally give people the benefit of the doubt unless i know better. since there’s no history, there’s a clean slate. i thought that was pretty obvious and implied. anyway –

no i was not upset at all LOL, what i really wanted from this thread which i did not state at the beginning but what so i see why people are confused now is:

JUST out of curiosity, not meant to spark a war, but just curious- guys on this forum, did you ever text a girl out of nowhere and if you did why/what did you want/what ended up happening, and girls, were you ever texted by a guy out of nowhere and what did he want, how did you respond and what ended up happening?

why i asked what HE wanted? bc i’m a direct person, not afraid, didn’t know if he legit needed something friendship or businesswise, i didn’t just jump to the romantic. common sense just tells me guys don’t usually reach out to girls unless they want something.

emcee, you gave another answer that i feel like answers what i just said – maybe he’s bored, maybe he wants a banter buddy, wants to be friends…

Zoe – thanks for your repsonse – again, if he wants to get his butt in gear and state what he really wanted, he now has the green light to do so, otherwise, as you and AB suggested, if he texted merely out of impulse of the moment and had no real plans/thoughts, then case closed:)

everyone take a deep breath and try and remember this is just supposed to be a lighthearted thread…. :)

Why do you come here asking a superdumb question that you acknowledge is superdumb but you are curious (means he has some meaning to you) to then debunk all the advice you get. You get a kick out of that?

Wow – tough crowd OP. I don’t see you “debunking” everything, you agreed and even said thank you several times… this is supposed to be the internet where people can simply ask others for insight. maybe your question was better suited to quora or /r

So jess is probably op responding as ‘jess’.
Im referring to the comment: please take a deep breath and remember that this is just etc. Thats debunking people who actually tried to give advice. Same with the age comment. Like we are y’all out of the loop on life and y’all what else.
And to answer the girls have you ever gotten Hi texts from guys and what were you thinking and what did you do?
Yeah i got them. What did i do: no idea, i probably forgot all about them.

Fair enough. I just think you shouldn’t ponder this too much. Like he is not a friend. If he keeps texting you, follow your gut. Text back if you enjoy the conversation. Ignore when/if he starts to get creepy. No need to mull this over.

I would try to get out of the “if a man texts me…there must be some ulterior motif to it” mindset tho. I mean does that happen. Sure. Probably a lot. But all this is doing is putting you on the defensive all the time. Just a negative space you don’t need to be in.
Whatever the case: i hope he turns out to be a nice guy who just wanted to say hi and wish you all the best

I don’t understand what you’re so miffed about either? Not every guy has an ulterior motive. He was *most likely* bored, getting his oil changed or something that required a long wait, went through his list of contacts, saw yours and dropped a “how are you” text. Heck, he could have done it to a few others he hadn’t seen or talked to in awhile?

When I receive them out of the blue, especially from someone I don’t really know, my first thought isn’t “what do they want?” My initial thought is born out of *curiosity.* Being the naturally curious person I am, a little chit chat will reveal the answer to me. Until you have some conversation to go with, especially if you don’t know them well, only then can you know what their motive for contact is. His was obviously to just say “hi” based on his response and to possibly kill some time—nothing more, nothing less. A few exchanges would have revealed the answer if you allowed the conversation to naturally flow, fade and/or die away. I suspect he won’t be asking how you’re doing ever again lol.

Agree with Anderson 100%!