Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › body shaming or not?
This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by 
Maddie 3 weeks, 5 days ago.
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ginnyI had gone out with my friends to a club saturday night. Met a really cute guy and we hit it off, we danced the entire night. He was really very goodlooking, a lot of girls were envying me. He held my waist and while dancing and kept flirting and telling me you look so chirpy and pretty. And then there was a particular move and he touched my stocmach and he must have felt the bulge which was otherwise not visible from the dress, so he got surprised and said oh you are fat. I started laughing at his shock and then we laughed it off. I told him how I gained a little weight during lockdown in the last 6 months and all my friends are just as surprised as you.
When I told my friend (she is a new friend, known just 9-10 months) about this little thing, she said why fat, why did he have to say something like that? She did not approve of him.
I was only looking to get some s*x with him so I wasn’t doing all this thinking. And I am not concious of my weight, as I know I will lose it in one month of cardio, it is a small 4 kg bulge on my tummy, so I am comfortable with it so I didn’t take his comment in a bad way.
What do you guys say, was his comment offf?
meherso i told a guy that I don’t want to make plans to meet as he is always busy. we had met on a dating app. then he said that we have only tried 2-3 times, we will try again as he genuinely want to meet.
went ahead and shared that I don’t think I am in the headspace to meet anyone new. he said but we have been planning to meet since, why suddenly you feel this way. I said it has been going on in my mind for a while, I shared it today. He was like I would love to understand this headspace of yours, genuinely wanna meet. I felt it was cute but umm just wanna be sure that this isn’t a red flag that he is way too desperate or a little stalkerish in nature?
Liz LemonIf you’re asking whether it’s crappy that a total stranger told you you’re fat– the answer is yes. He’s rude as h3ll.
T from NYThis isn’t about you feeling self conscious about yourself. It’s about vetting another persons character and choosing who you invest energy in. He’s a total d-bag and not worth your time. Not ONLY because he was incredibly unkind telling you to your face there was something “wrong” with you – but because if this is who he is upon first meeting – can you even begin to imagine his unkindness on further intimation?
Don’t be fooled. Even the strongest women who love themselves can have their self worth and outlook completely worn down and tattered if they allow a narcissist or sociopath into their lives. Don’t also be fooled that this was just a little flippant comment – he’s awful full stop. Only choose kind people to be part of your circle if you want a peaceful, productive life.
AngieBabyIt doesn’t matter what anyone thinks other than you. You laughed when he said it and you stated you weren’t bothered by the comment and were only intending to use him for sex anyway. You’ve got better body image and self esteem than anyone I”ve ever seen post here. So why are you here second guessing yourself? You handled it fine and had your own answer already.
Raven@ginny, it’s called ‘negging’
“Negging (derived from the verb neg, meaning “negative feedback”) is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and increase their need of the manipulator’s approval.[1] The term was coined and prescribed by pickup artists.[1]”
MaddieHe is rude and judgemental. Probably immature, as well. He knows he’s good-looking so values what society says is traditionally good-looking because it works for him and gives him status. Pay his comment no mind beyond what it says about *him,* then you can decide if you want to reward his behavior with a hookup or not. If you do, or if you did, I’d leave it at a one time thing where you had your fun because you’re going to find he’s not a nice person for more. Someone will always sleep with him as long as he’s that physically attractive, especially if they have bad self-esteem, so your response to do so or not won’t really teach him any lesson or change anything for him. It’s about deciding what you want and if *you* feel respected. You should not accept feeling less than fully respected from any guy, even if it’s just for a hookup, and 100% no if it’s for potentially more. It sounds like it didn’t bother you in this case, but as T said, it’s important to pay attention to little things like that for vetting purposes, especially if in the future it’s a less casual situation than this one.
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