Back in touch with ex- need closure

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Raven 4 weeks, 1 day ago.

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  • #813913 Reply

    Need Help

    I had a really messy break-up with an ex 5 years ago. The relationship was also very dysfunctional (hindsight) and messed me up for years with mental and physical consequences (can’t have kids anymore because of an STD) and there was a lot unresolved. I am since married and so is he. I reached out to him a few months ago, because a good friend of ours passed away and with Corona, you have a different view of life and relationships. It started off fine with him apologizing for how he treated me, even if I had a lot of unresolved feelings, but then he told me that his wife was pregnant. I lost it, especially since my husband and I got a diagnosis that having kids naturally would be near impossible because of the STD he gave me when my ex cheated on me. I really want to send a letter for my own personal closure to let him know how everything effected me over the years, cause while he’s sorry, I don’t think he has the whole picture of what he did. It’s been a weight I’ve been carrying around for years. I already wrote the letter, but should I actually sent it?

    #813936 Reply


    No. Find a therapist, read it to them and ask them what to do. This is not about dating.

    I’m so sorry for your pain and heartbreak. I hope you find peace but when you do find it, it will not be relative to him.

    Much love and healing to you my friend. <3

    #813946 Reply


    What would be the purpose? What would sending a letter achieve? What outcome do you want?

    He can’t change what he did and the impact that this has had on your fertility. Nothing can change. I get why you are so hurt and angry but all you will get by sending this letter is either no response or him giving you an inadequate apology.

    Save your energy and leave the situation alone. There is nothing to be gained by sending a letter

    #813953 Reply


    Sorry ‘Need Help’ I feel your angst…

    Too bad you didn’t say something right then…
    Please do not send the letter.

    This is another case of 20/20 hindsight… & another reason not to reach out ever again to someone who hurt you, no matter what the reason…

    I hope you find the healing you need…

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