Asked to leave after 6 years together

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  • #943750 Reply

    Hi, I have been devastated since splitting with my partner after 6 years. She is a kind and balanced person. Whereby gradually I slipped into depression and negativity. We moved to a new place and lived there for 2 years and although I would slag the little town off, it was really me and my issues. I think we never really sat down and dealt with the problems until at Christmas when I caused a scene in front of her daughter and that was the last straw. I understand why she wanted to be on her own. I wish things could have been different, but I was really struggling and as I said things kept being swept under the carpet.
    It’s been 3 months with no contact, bar a quick polite exchange when I passed on a message. My confidence is shot, but I have been trying to work on myself and been seeing a therapist every week. I am also on 40 mg of Fluoxetine which does make me quite sleepy.
    I know that’s once we moved I’d given up on so many things that along with my low moods we didn’t have much of a relationship anymore. Of course I see things differently now.She, like me is in her 50s. Had previously been in a long marriage with 3 adult children. Menopause and other crisis outside of out control added to the stress. I’d love to be back with the woman I love and I know that sounds like a ridiculous idea probably. What does anyone think?

    #943752 Reply

    When a woman is done, she’s done.

    ps: You blaming menopause is misogynistic.

    #943766 Reply

    You are doing the right things with ‘no contact’, therapist, and working on yourself. A relationship doesn’t make things easier and doesn’t fix issues, so taking the time to work on yourself, dealing with the depression, acknowledging the contributing factors on both sides, et al.

    You had a 6 year relationship and she’ll not forget you, but you need to do the work on yourself and be worthy of her trust before you open that door again. Effectively, you need to move on. Don’t do all this work to get her back, do it so you can be whole.

    If you’re meant for each other, being whole and healthy is what you owe yourself and to her to make that a reality. If you’re not meant for a future relationship, then being whole and healthy will give you peace and allow you to be your best; whether that’s solo, or in a new relationship.

    #943785 Reply

    That is a rough place to be. At this point getting yourself strong, grounded and happy in yourself and with your life is the only answer to prepare yourself to be a good partner in a relationship. I would suggest looking for a coach that works with men and the issues you are struggling with. Coaches tend to be able to get to the heart of the matter and teach you how to make changes in a much shorter period of time and give you an action plan for the future to accomplish your goals. P.S. I didn’t read what you wrote as blaming menopause and yes it can add to the stress. Usually when a woman goes into menopause she doesn’t have the capacity to deal with the stress to the same degree and so she really needed an equal partner who could be responsible for his well being and contribute to hers. You can turn things around. Good luck.

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