Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Asked me to be his GF but we are very different?
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 4 years, 2 months ago by
alia.
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L. Hutton
Hello, met this guy online and ended up going for a 5 hour coffee date last Monday for our forst date. Then met up three other times ever since, and spent all day together.
He said he’s looking for a relationship and wants to settle down. He’s been single for awhile and vaguley mentioned his last gf cheated on him.
I’m in college, don’t drink dont smoke don’t do drugs whereas he works, got tattoos and smokes. Then on our fourth date, he told me he deleted his dating app and it’s up to me to delete mine. He did mention he would get a bit jealous if i were to go on dates with other guys but he’s trying to play it cool. So when I deleted mine, he asked what we were and if I wanted to be his gf.
I really enjoy spending time with him, but I feel like we’ve only met each other just over a week, I don’t really know him. And we ar very different, he’s from a rough area and I’m from a wealthier background. I really want to say yes but there’s also a part of me that says take things slow and wait. Any advise would be helpful- just feeling confused as I wanna say yes but also wanna wait and see.
Lane
The BF/GF lable only means you are dating and focusing on each other to see where it goes.
Do you still want to date other guys? If so then say no. If you want to see how this goes, say yes and see how it pans out. You can always break up if you don’t gel in the way you need to.
This is how we used to date back in the day lol.
Warasen
It sounds like he’s love bombing you and rushing you to commit. You can tell him to drop the labels and go with the flow. Delete the dating apps, if YOU want to not to please him. The way he’s demanding you conform to his requirements is a yellow flag. If his demands escalate then it’s clearly a sign that he’s trying to control you.
On the other hand I know people who don’t like dating more than 1 person at a time you might be like that and just explain it to him but don’t delete the app. Keep it just to make sure he understands you can still only date 1 person and not use the app. How he reacts is what you should be watching.Warasen
Oh and don’t let the back ground thing hinder you with this guy or others. My wife comes from a family that was in a better economical situation than mine. She went to one of the best high schools in the city and I got a GED. She went on to ivy league schools for her under-grad and grad schools. I went into the US Army and didn’t get my undergrad done until I was 41, with plenty of support from her. I make more money than she does but only because she was making enough for us when I started my company and supported me though the lean years.
I was that tattooed, smoking, shooting, hard drinking guy when we first met. I’m not that way any more though. So it can work out.Liz Lemon
I agree with Warasen. When I read your post I was more concerned about the fact that he seems to be rushing things, than I was about his background.
Four dates in a week is a lot. Especially if one of them is a 5 hour date and you spent the day together on another. The problem with rushing things is that the relationship can burn out quickly and collapse. You start to develop a false sense of closeness and intimacy, but you don’t really know the person. You have to pace things when dating, and give yourself time to figure out your feelings and get to know the person gradually. There are a lot of articles online about pacing yourself in the early stages of dating.
I agree with what’s been said, you can date each other exclusively but not get hung up on labels. Delete the app if YOU want to, not because he wants you to. Tell him you want to take things slow and get to know each other gradually. You have a much better chance of relationship success that way.
About his background- there are many successful relationships where the people involved came from different backgrounds. What’s important is that he respects you and treats you well, and you have things in common, and enjoy each others company.
alia
Way back when I was first in these forums, 5 years ago:) this was not considered acceptable even back then:) We always thought that a man who is so interested that he can’t spend a day without you was actually trying to soothe some kind of inner insecurity and emptiness than actually be interested in you. These kinds of guys would flip out at you at one month mark because it will turn out you are a regular person and not all they made you out to be. I would proceed with utmost caution and certainly pace this. Leave the future dates early and stretch this out. Establish your boundaries and see how he reacts. Be safe.
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