December 13, 2015 at 9:50 pm #487583
Hey it’s Eric with a wrap-up of the Ask Me Anything event.
First, thank you all for participating. I am grateful, amazed and humbled by how popular this event was.
There are tons and tons of questions that came in and while there’s no way that Sabrina and I can answer everyone’s questions, we will do our best to answer more questions between now and tomorrow.
In fact, there were so many participants that our server was crashing! We didn’t expect that — sorry for the inconvenience guys… we appreciate how awesome you guys were with your patience and great questions!
We will be posting our answers here in this thread. This thread will be otherwise locked and only Sabrina and I will be able to add to it. Please feel free to check back, as we may have responded to your question.
If we don’t, please understand that it isn’t anything against you or your question – there are so many questions here that some will unfortunately be missed.
If you still have relationship questions (or we didn’t get to yours tonight), then I wholeheartedly encourage you to pick up our brand new book, “10 Things Every Woman Needs To Know About Men” on Amazon when it becomes available in about 2.5 hours from now.
The book will be available for a special one-day only discount at $2.99! Grab your copy during Monday, 12/14/2015 (tomorrow) and take advantage of the massive discount before the price goes up.
Grab it here now: https://www.anewmode.com/10-things/
Hope you love it (I’m expecting that you will)!
December 13, 2015 at 9:54 pm #487587
- This topic was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by Eric Charles.
Here’s a copy-and-paste of all my answers from the AMA so far:
Nafeesa – His father died and you’re wondering why he isn’t responding to your texts? Leave him be and let him grieve and much as he needs to.
Lili – When is it OK to express interest on Facebook? Whenever you want, as long as you aren’t breaking any laws. Expressing interest isn’t going to turn someone off – if they’re into you, they’re going to be glad you did. If they’re not into you, you didn’t screw anything up anyway.
Patricia – Over-protective is about a boyfriend not wanting something bad to happen. As far as what you can do, you can let him know you want him to stop with it, but if you don’t want to take that direct confrontation route, you can simply demonstrate that you can handle things on your own with him “protecting” you (preventing you) from doing it.
Stefanie – People write articles and books on the internet about “rules” whether or not you should contact a guy in XYZ situation or not. They make it seem like if you make the wrong move, you’ll “turn him off” or he’ll think you’re “needy”. Things don’t work like that… if he’s into you, he’s into and if he’s not, he’s not. Contacting him after a first date isn’t going to screw something up.
That said, there is something to be said for your mindset/headspace. If you are in the mindset that you want him to respond to you a certain way and it would emotionally affect you, then that IS a problem… relationships work best when one person isn’t hoping for the other person to respond some certain way (it creates unwanted pressure).
Nichole Anderson – You can’t change how someone feels… You only have control over your emotions, actions and reactions. Same goes for him. Most relationship advice articles/books cater to a reader’s desire to make it work out… so they give advice on how to shove a square peg through a round hole. I’ll give you two comments and hopefully it’s enough to give you an answer, “When a man says he doesn’t want a relationship… believe him. (His reason why is just to soften the blow).” and “You’re single until a man has clearly, unambiguously and absolutely committed into the relationship you want with him.” When you have this kind of clarity on whether or not you’re single, the men who will come around do come around. Then men who never will, never do, even when they know another man could snatch you up. So you either get into the relationship (because he figures his stuff out) or you save a lot of time on a guy who doesn’t want what you want.
ANne Marie – People aren’t good with relationship boundaries unless crossing a line would be a dealbreaker for the other person (and even then, who knows). People are going to do what they’re going to do, so I think what he “wants” from you/with you is to have your participation in whatever he’s doing at the moment… lots of people are just bored and lonely, but don’t actually want to change themselves or their lifestyle to have a relationship with a particular person (especially if that other person puts up with how they’re acting anyway).
Camila – Nobody knows what the future holds, so the best anyone can talk about is a “good bet”.
A “good bet” that you’re with the right person is that you are always on each other’s side and have each other’s backs, even in (especially in) arguments or disagreements.
Warning signs are when one person is “against” the other person, as if the other person is their adversary, enemy or opponent.
Another warning sign is if one or both of you do things to get the other one to do something, say something, be something… or else. That’s a big warning sign.
Regarding happiness and confidence. A big pointer is that you, and only you, are 100% responsible for your moods, emotions, actions and reactions. Nobody else is responsible for yours, and you are not responsible for theirs. When you can 100% realize and embrace this, you’ll also realize that its up to you to make your own mood, comfort, happiness, well-being your responsibility and priority because nobody else will (nor should they try).
I understand what it’s like to feel unappreciated or be self-conscious. Thing is, even there, you’re looking to others to “make you feel” a certain way about yourself. They are not ULTIMATELY responsible for how you feel about yourself, and you’re not ULTIMATELY responsible for how anyone else feels. When you realize that you ULTIMATELY have control over your emotions, mood, actions and reactions, your entire life (and love life) will shift.
Kristie Turner – I never claim to be a mind reader, so bear in mind that this is just my opinion… I’ve seen that men who have gone through a lot of relationships (or have had a divorce) are more reserved with their behavior in relationships. It doesn’t mean that they don’t care about you, it just means that they’ve loved and lost and they realize that a good relationship is just a relationship that works on a day to day basis… no drama, nobody’s upset and you’re there for each other. It’s hard to get into “I love you’s” when they remember how their vocal affection turned out last time… That’s not to say that he never will say it, and introducing you to his family is certainly a strong statement that you’re in his world. If you’re enjoying the relationship, I would say roll with it and measure it based on the quality of your time together versus what kind of affection he voices. Some guys show love differently (check out Dr. Gary’s Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages for a quick read on different ways men show their love)December 13, 2015 at 9:59 pm #487589
Here are a few of my replies (unfortunately I didn’t have the foresight to save them all but I’ll add more tomorrow, and some include the questions as well).
Kelly- “Does a guy mean what he says when he is drunk? The guy I have been off and on with only ever tells me how he feels when he’s been drinking. And it’s always very serious things that he says about marrying me one day. He seems to get too scared to say anything when sober.”
I mean, yes and no. People tend to exaggerate their feelings when drunk. Your highs are higher and lows are lower, so maybe his true feelings for you are coming out when he’s drunk, but they could be exaggerated or enhanced by the booze. Focus more on what he says and does while sober.
Nichole Anderson- “I was involved with a man who trusts no one has had a lot of hurts in relationships and is now commitment phobic. How could I know if he’s pushing me away”
If you have to ask if he’s pushing you away, then he probably is. Sounds like he has some issues to deal with and those are his to deal with. There’s nothing you can do.
Anne Marie: “Why does my ex keep texting me? Was in a long distance relationship that ended because he ‘struggled’ with the distance issue, but he continues to expect us to stay in contact. I can’t immediately transition to a just friends mode. What does he want from me, it’s confusing. I told him I don’t want to hear from him now.”
His issues with distance are probably still the same but at the same time I’m sure he misses you, misses the comfort of being in a relationship, and maybe is feeling vulnerable. He also probably doesn’t want to close the door entirely on having a relationship which is why he’s keeping in contact. If it’s too hard on you, I would suggest cutting off contact with him so you can move on.
Rea: “Hey I was wondering how do you get back on track with a guy who you might have messed things up with by trying to push things too far too fast… I.e fairy tale going on in your head while in reality things just started… Now the only tricky pet to this situation is he’s a coworker so I need advice fast. Truth be told hell talk to me for a while on his own accord but won’t set up another date and won’t be alone with me at the moment. Plz help”
Don’t think about it or stress over it too much. Forget about what happened and where you went wrong. Just stay confident and trust that if he truly likes you, then he won’t be put off and things will get back on track. Worrying about thing never solves them. Just move on and forget it happened and try to be more present and in the moment with him and not get caught up in a “fantasy relationship”
Answer: Cata- to “make a guy fall in love you with” you need to not focus on making a guy fall in love with you. You need to just be. Be present, be yourself, be in the moment, be engaged, be interested in him and what he’s about. And in terms of having “the talk,” I think you should just be open and honest. Confidently express what you want and see if he sees things heading in that direction. You should invite him to commit rather than demand it. Don’t say it has to be this minute, just get a sense of where his head is at.
Ashley- “In case it wasn’t posted the first time: been dating a guy for 3 years. Never officially been in relationships. Keeps telling me he wants to be in relationship with me one day when he is emotionally ready. We have discussed marriage twice. He started the conversations. Should I wait for him or not?”
Ashley- 3 years is a very long grace period. He’s not committing because you’re clearly not going anywhere. Either you need to walk away, or you can wait around but time is a precious thing to waste and he’s not going to commit unless there is an incentive and right now he doesn’t really have one since you’ve waited it out for so long…
Lisa- “Guys are usually very into me in the beginning of the courtship/relationship but as things starts getting serious and starts progressing they would step back and look at me as someone to just have sex with.
Can you give me some insight as to what causes that?”
Lisa- Omg I can so relate to that because I used to be the same way. I can’t say for sure what’s going on without having met you but it’s possible that your fear of the guy losing interest is preventing you from developing a deeper, lasting connection. Try not to worry about what the guy thinks of you and focus on how you feel about him and on enjoying each other and being in the moment. This is a big topic and there’s so much more to say so maybe I’ll write some articles on this.