Here’s a copy-and-paste of all my answers from the AMA so far:
Nafeesa – His father died and you’re wondering why he isn’t responding to your texts? Leave him be and let him grieve and much as he needs to.
Lili – When is it OK to express interest on Facebook? Whenever you want, as long as you aren’t breaking any laws. Expressing interest isn’t going to turn someone off – if they’re into you, they’re going to be glad you did. If they’re not into you, you didn’t screw anything up anyway.
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Patricia – Over-protective is about a boyfriend not wanting something bad to happen. As far as what you can do, you can let him know you want him to stop with it, but if you don’t want to take that direct confrontation route, you can simply demonstrate that you can handle things on your own with him “protecting” you (preventing you) from doing it.
Stefanie – People write articles and books on the internet about “rules” whether or not you should contact a guy in XYZ situation or not. They make it seem like if you make the wrong move, you’ll “turn him off” or he’ll think you’re “needy”. Things don’t work like that… if he’s into you, he’s into and if he’s not, he’s not. Contacting him after a first date isn’t going to screw something up.
That said, there is something to be said for your mindset/headspace. If you are in the mindset that you want him to respond to you a certain way and it would emotionally affect you, then that IS a problem… relationships work best when one person isn’t hoping for the other person to respond some certain way (it creates unwanted pressure).
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Nichole Anderson – You can’t change how someone feels… You only have control over your emotions, actions and reactions. Same goes for him. Most relationship advice articles/books cater to a reader’s desire to make it work out… so they give advice on how to shove a square peg through a round hole. I’ll give you two comments and hopefully it’s enough to give you an answer, “When a man says he doesn’t want a relationship… believe him. (His reason why is just to soften the blow).” and “You’re single until a man has clearly, unambiguously and absolutely committed into the relationship you want with him.” When you have this kind of clarity on whether or not you’re single, the men who will come around do come around. Then men who never will, never do, even when they know another man could snatch you up. So you either get into the relationship (because he figures his stuff out) or you save a lot of time on a guy who doesn’t want what you want.
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ANne Marie – People aren’t good with relationship boundaries unless crossing a line would be a dealbreaker for the other person (and even then, who knows). People are going to do what they’re going to do, so I think what he “wants” from you/with you is to have your participation in whatever he’s doing at the moment… lots of people are just bored and lonely, but don’t actually want to change themselves or their lifestyle to have a relationship with a particular person (especially if that other person puts up with how they’re acting anyway).
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Camila – Nobody knows what the future holds, so the best anyone can talk about is a “good bet”.
A “good bet” that you’re with the right person is that you are always on each other’s side and have each other’s backs, even in (especially in) arguments or disagreements.
Warning signs are when one person is “against” the other person, as if the other person is their adversary, enemy or opponent.
Another warning sign is if one or both of you do things to get the other one to do something, say something, be something… or else. That’s a big warning sign.
Regarding happiness and confidence. A big pointer is that you, and only you, are 100% responsible for your moods, emotions, actions and reactions. Nobody else is responsible for yours, and you are not responsible for theirs. When you can 100% realize and embrace this, you’ll also realize that its up to you to make your own mood, comfort, happiness, well-being your responsibility and priority because nobody else will (nor should they try).
I understand what it’s like to feel unappreciated or be self-conscious. Thing is, even there, you’re looking to others to “make you feel” a certain way about yourself. They are not ULTIMATELY responsible for how you feel about yourself, and you’re not ULTIMATELY responsible for how anyone else feels. When you realize that you ULTIMATELY have control over your emotions, mood, actions and reactions, your entire life (and love life) will shift.
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Kristie Turner – I never claim to be a mind reader, so bear in mind that this is just my opinion… I’ve seen that men who have gone through a lot of relationships (or have had a divorce) are more reserved with their behavior in relationships. It doesn’t mean that they don’t care about you, it just means that they’ve loved and lost and they realize that a good relationship is just a relationship that works on a day to day basis… no drama, nobody’s upset and you’re there for each other. It’s hard to get into “I love you’s” when they remember how their vocal affection turned out last time… That’s not to say that he never will say it, and introducing you to his family is certainly a strong statement that you’re in his world. If you’re enjoying the relationship, I would say roll with it and measure it based on the quality of your time together versus what kind of affection he voices. Some guys show love differently (check out Dr. Gary’s Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages for a quick read on different ways men show their love)
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