Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Another date, confused again, here for review
- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 3 years, 3 months ago by
Lane.
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mia
Went out with a guy I met on okc. He seemed like a normal nice guy. Then he started getting a bit interested after I started posting lots of pictures and he started following my Instagram. He would like all my pictures. And asked me out to meet. He lived an hour away from my place. And himself insisted to come towards my place to meet on a Saturday. Then we met, he felt I was good looking, I could feel it the way he started looking at me as he put the mask down. He told me during the date that he thinks I am really not. We talked a lot and he genuinely listened very attentively. We spent some 3.5 hours together. Went to another cafe for some more drinks. it didn’t look like he wanted to leave
that’s when we went to another cafe.then I said we could push off. I had a great time. I found him sweet, attentive, romantic, he even asked me what kind of guys do you find attractive. Thenn he asked if he should drop me,. I told him I’ll go on my own. We texted a bit after he reached home. He paid for everything. While leaving I had joked about how we will have things to talk about about, he said yeah I don’t mind talking over the phone or something, we laughed. And hugged and I left. And then in the morning I commented on his insta story and he replied back. That’s all. Why isn’t he texting me? Or is he waiting for me to text? Isit okay if I text?mia
I meant he felt I am really hot. In the original post I have mistakenly written not
Raven
Why would You text Him?
mia
Just to ask him what’s up etc. Umm ok. I won’t text him.
Raven
He should be the one texting You…
Here’s the deal:
You can text him if you want, but what will that do?
You text him to ask ‘what’s up etc.’
What if he replies but doesn’t ask you out again? Then you’re just texting with a drone…You’ve already commented on his Insta & he’s responded but then didn’t keep the conversation going.
Don’t invest after just one date,
Keep dating other guys,
Have fun!mia
Great advice, thanks.
Rubi
He is dating other people.
When I first started seeing my current boyfriend he would give me these mixed signals, would be so into me and then wouldn’t hear from him for a few days and then he would be going out of his way to see me again on and off. But whenever I would text him, he replied straight away. Sometimes I would be out with my friends and he would see my posts and he would immediately text me and would ask to see me when I can. He appeard very interested but then would go quiet also.
I grew tired of it and he felt it. I started distancing myself and would turn him down when he wanted to see me the most. He asked me one day if I was no longer interested and I told him I was confused about what he truly wanted.
Then he started showing up more and more after that. I saw a difference and would give him my time.
Later on after we were a comittment he then told me he was seeing 2 other girls. Also having sex with others. According to him he was trying to make the best decision to whom he really wanted to be with and saw that I was the better one.
I don’t know if you have the same situation but whatever you do, do not chase him. Do not let him see you whenever HE feels like it. It’s not really about playing hard to get but rather go with what you feel. If he’s inconsistent then that’s how he lose you. Make it known.
Liz Lemon
I had a terrific first date with my bf (also met him online, we’ve been together 4 years now). I didn’t hear from him for several days after our first date. Sometimes guys try to play it cool, or legit have other things going on. How long ago was your date?
I agree with Raven that it’s been one date. You can’t get overinvested. And yes it’s possible he’s dating others.
Texting him first won’t show you his level of interest. Guys sometimes engage with women they aren’t that into, but who take the lead with them, just because they like the attention. You commented on his Instagram already, which is fine, but now it’s his turn to initiate, in my opinion.
Also you should beware of guys that come on too strong right at the beginning…telling you you’re really hot, etc, is a bit much for a first date. Just something to keep an eye out for…he could be a player, or a flirt, but it doesn’t mean he’ll initiate contact or dates with you.
mia
Liz- thanks. Today is Tuesday. We met on Saturday. So it’s been two days.
He didn’t say it like I am really hot: he said something along the lines no doubt you are hotMaddie
I’m sorry to say this, but I think you’re overanalyzing his words on your first date. To get to know someone, you need to observe words and actions over time and make sure they are consistent, the guy is reliable, and you feel respected. Getting stuck on the details about how long the date was and him saying you’re attractive don’t matter yet for one meeting. What matters is you enjoyed the date, you want to go on another date, and whether or not he follows through on reaching out to plan that date in a timely manner. The other posters are right that you need to give him the opportunity to initiate the next round of contact so that you’ll know if he’s putting in effort or not. Two days isn’t much so I wouldn’t be concerned yet. If you reach out first though, you lose the opportunity to learn his level of interest. I believe in a balanced approach after the first few dates have been planned by the guy, after that happens then reaching out can be more equal. But at this stage, you’re robbing yourself of seeing his effort and interest levels by reaching out first.
Maddie
*that should say the guy is respectful not reliable, but both are desirable qualities!
Lane
Believe it or not but there is a 3 day rule with guys. Not kidding! I learned this where if they contact you too early they don’t want you think their desperate lol.
In the future don’t overanalyze the date because the guy knows within 10 nanoseconds if he’s going to ask you out again, or not, which is why you should ALWAYS wait for the guy come to you—if he does, great, if not…NEXT!
I know it sucks when you connect but the connection must be mutual. Guys do analyze a date but no in the way woman do but in a logical/practical way v. romantic. He may have thought on the way down she lives too far away and knew before you even met that it was a no go, regardless of how “hot” he thought you were.
BTW, its far better when a man calls you “beautiful” v. hot. I was “hot” in my younger days but when a man used the word “beautiful” he was seeing me me in a different way than someone who just wanted to bang me if you get my drift.
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