Am I the only option?


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This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Erin 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #867681 Reply

    Beth

    So, there’s this classmate of mine in college that I’ve always liked but I never let him know. He’s kinda been flirty towards everyone every once in a while until started dating a girl on our third year for less than a year. It didn’t work out and they had to break up due to external factors. We kinda grew closer after his break up and we spent more time. He told me he liked me and we started dating. Every once in a while I wonder if he would have just gone out with anyone who said yes to him. I mean, I was there right in front of him for 3 or 4 years and he flirted with a handful of girls including me before. Can this be something normal that happens?

    #867699 Reply

    Ewa

    it could be , he might be one of those men who always need to date someone/can’t be on his own.
    what made you question him though?

    #867711 Reply

    Lane

    Yes, its actually very normal to flirt with, and date, a lot of people while your young. I would like a guy, and two weeks later not like him so much, and meet another guy I liked, then stopped liking him too lol.

    You’re in the age of discovery. This is when you should be dating many different men so you can get a good idea of the type of man who would make a good partner, not only for you, but for your future children as well. Sometimes you can find one of those guys pretty quickly but, in majority of cases, you need to date many before you can really know the type of character you like, or need, in a partner, before you can venture on a long-term journey.

    I would suspect he’s just playing the field, and probably will be doing it for a number of years, such as a decade, until he’s in a position to settle down. Back in my day men were ready, and capable, of settling down shortly out of HS, as majority of trades (about 90%) only required OJT (“on the Job Training”). For some odd reason, this whole “college mentality” royally screwed this country up IMO; whereas, too many young people are in massive amount of debt before they even have a chance to begin their life, as a young adult, and the kicker is, they are the SAME JOBS that only required “OJT” decades, heck, a century before now!

    Needless to say, you will most likely not last very long, which is OK, as you really don’t want to stick around with someone who isn’t even in a position to create a long-term future with you, or any woman, for that matter. He MIGHT be ready 8-10 years from now but he’s not even thinking about it, which is why you are feeling the way you do. I would just take this relationship as a “learning experience” to figure out what you like, don’t like, want or don’t want in a partner, so when you do meet him (aka ‘the one’) you will feel the opposite of the way you do now–confident, secure, and pretty darn sure you’re in a relationship with the right one :o)

    #867865 Reply

    Maddie

    Do you feel like you’re a rebound? Does he still flirt with everyone? What does your gut tell you? People can usually tell if a guy isn’t all in or if they’re so lonely and insecure they’ll just date anyone, but it may hard to admit to themselves what their gut is saying if it’s something they don’t want to hear.

    I don’t think it means anything at all that it took him a while to want to date you, though. Sounds like he didn’t really know you back then but got more interested as he got to know you better. He also may not have been interested in relationships the first couple years of college, and he may have learned over the past few years more about what he likes and wants in a woman through failed dates and break ups and realized you’ve got some of those good traits he now prioritizes and is more attracted to.

    He may not be ready for a forever-serious relationship regardless (few men in college are), but if your gut isn’t telling you something is wrong, don’t get caught up in your head or in insecurity making things up and putting yourself down. Unless he really seems like he’s not over his ex or he’s not a complete person alone or he’s acting non-committal, there’s no reason to put yourself down and assume he’s only with you because he’d have paired off with the next woman he saw. He’s still choosing you every day that you’re still dating.

    #867886 Reply

    Beth

    Thank you all for your help.
    How long would it last if I were just an option and he was just playing the field?

    #867909 Reply

    mama

    I don’t understand how this question is of any value to your self worth. If you think you are a rebound relationship then step back a bit and let him step up.

    Honestly none of us should answer these questions because 1) we’ve no idea how long you have been dating him, or how long he’s been single, 2) we can’t read minds.

    Sorry girlfriend… you want us to read your future and from what little details you provided, we honestly don’t even know what’s really going on.

    #868039 Reply

    Claws

    You wouldn’t ask this question if you wouldn’t feel that you are “an option”. Trust your instincts.

    Also, it will last as long as you are available for him (sex & attention) mostly.
    @Lane has given you all the advice you need to know.

    #868158 Reply

    Beth

    Honestly, we’ve been dating for a couple of years and we waited a year to have sex because I wasn’t ready. I felt that way because one of my friends recently told me he used to flirt with her abd it messed with my head.

    #868422 Reply

    Erin

    Hi Beth

    Lane gave you some really solid advice there.

    I guess the ultimate question is what do you want?

    Let me say, if you find yourself trying to figure out a guy so much, you’ve stopped enjoying the relationship because you’re either insecure or he’s sending you mixed signals and confusing you, so I guess you need to figure out where the issue is

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