Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Maddie 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #929852 Reply

    Sil

    Hi, My bf and me can only see each other in the weekends during this time of the year, (that will change soon luckily) The thing is that having a relation in the distance can be tricky sometimes and though we are great most of the time recently we had a bunch of fights in a round.

    During those fights he changed his profile picture in whatsapp and that new profile picture I started to associate it with the recent fights, so I asked him to change it again to a new one because that one gave bad vibes (i clarify that is not even a pic of himself what he has, is something very random), I know this sounds very stupid but i was really associating the new pic with the bad times.

    But he refuses because he says it makes no sense. I cant help thinking it would take him nothing to change it and even if he thinks is dumb he would please me, what do you think? I know it is not an important issue but it annoys me that he cant do something so small to please me. Specially because it isnt even a picture of himself.

    #929854 Reply

    Raven

    Short answer- Yes & you are coming off as very controlling…

    Longer answer- Why are you having a bunch of ‘fights?’
    You’re still able to see each other on the weekends…

    You wrote ‘having a relation in the distance can be tricky…’ How far apart are you?

    #929859 Reply

    Sil

    More things happened since I wrote here, so I update, he told me that he doesn´t want to change the picture because he wont let me win this time because it is something dumb, those are his literal words.

    He is right about something we turned into a competition since it is bothering me that he can’t do one thing that I asked him.

    We are not very far away but enough to not be able to see each other during the week,he works in another city but that isn’t a problem because that will change soon.

    The fights were because I think he is relaxing too much, in the past he used to do things like taking the car on friday when he finish work and coming to see me, now I was even neglected by him watching a football game, it wasn’t something big but it got me thinking he lost a bit of interest.

    #929861 Reply

    Raven

    How long have you two been dating?

    #929864 Reply

    Rose

    You know when you give someone the satisfaction that what they do can get to you, they will continue to do it.

    First of all, you can’t tell someone what their profile picture should be when it doesn’t involve anything indecent or of you. I would fix this situation by completely ignoring the picture. When my boyfriend gets upset with me, he likes to post quotes that is a silent message to me. I give him zero reaction and the story ends there, the end. I let him get over his mood swings and he soon realizes how petty he’s being.

    Secondly, i don’t know how long exactly you’ve been together but I’m guessing you have at least a year in. He has become complacent and it is normal. All guys stop doing what they use to after a while being with their girl. I suggest you be smart about this and silently appear to be losing interest in him. He needs motivation and a wake up call. He needs to miss you. If he knows he is going to see you gaurantee every weekend there is no need for him to do much during the week. Start taking a weekend to yourself time to time. Just like he did to watch his football match. Try to get him to do new things such as video chat instead since he knows he might not see you. He needs to make an effort because this is a classic case of a man starting to take his girl for granted.

    #929866 Reply

    Raven

    Honestly- You sound a little controlling…

    Do you REALLY want this drama over a social media picture?

    #929871 Reply

    Maddie

    Sil, I think this is a symptom of the deeper problem you have with your boyfriend. You haven’t figured out how to resolve conflict together in a way that doesn’t push each other’s buttons. It sounds like you both dig in and lash out, more focused on who is right and winning than you are on getting to the outcome you want, which is resolving whatever your issues are as a team in ways that make you mutually happy. So while yes, you are overreacting about the profile photo, I understand why it’s associated with the problems and is causing you stress because you both haven’t fully solved and moved past in a way that would prevent them from repeating. That’s a bad feeling.

    But focus on solving the real problem with him, which is you both looking up better tools for how to “argue” with your partner that doesn’t actually cause harm to the relationship. Sources are out there and exist, it’s a good learning opportunity time and will strengthen your relationship instead of putting on a bandaid until the next disagreement.

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