This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Maddie 1 month ago.
May 26, 2022 at 2:27 am #933901
So , I’ve always loved love and wanting to get into a relationship, not desperate tho but I’m always open for one. However , I’ve been unlucky with guys for a while now. But I also got into a situation that is making me feel like I might be emotionally unavailable. I met a guy few months ago, we kicked it off and I fell for him, at that point he said he wasn’t ready with reasons like he was traveling around and couldn’t settle, I still had feelings for him and kept talking to him with hopes of things changing, and it did cause after he later confessed that he felt same and wanted us to get serious once he returns, that he couldn’t hold on to his feelings any longer cause he was scared at first that they weren’t real. After he confessed this, I was happy but at that moment I felt like I had him and I wasn’t really sure if I wanted it anymore, even though I said yes to us being serious when he returns. But I really instantly wasn’t excited for him or my feelings again. But on the other had I start to want this other guy I met a few weeks back that I haven’t even formed any bond with and not even certain yet what we are doing. And I’ve been thinking of him alot and wanting him .
So now I can’t help but wonder if I also eventually get this guy, if I’d be lost with the next guy that comes. So now I wonder if this is a sign of emotional unavailability, I don’t have other traits of it. i easily express my feelings, I don’t shut love or people out, I am really open to everything that entails a relationship.
But I could be talking and falling for a guy, and want to get the next guy that comes for me.
I’m worried about this cause I think I really love the first guy and I want us to workout but I’m scared this attitude might mess things up when he eventually comes back and we get serious. Cause at the moment, I’m still trying with the new guy and if another guy comes I’d put these two on the back burner.
I would also want to clarify that I do not sleep with these men, I would only sleep with the ones I get really far with or into a relationship with.
I would appreciate any suggestions or advice as to why this is happeningMay 26, 2022 at 2:30 am #933902
Also this pattern has been there for a while, but I only really realised how bad it is at this point, so it’s not something that just happened recently.
This is only a clear realisation to me cause I ‘ve met someone I really want to be with but I just can’t help it.May 26, 2022 at 10:20 am #933906
No this isn’t emotional unavailability.
Also, what is your question here?May 26, 2022 at 10:35 am #933907
Maybe they are not the commitment you truly want. Maybe you need to feel something that you haven’t before. Maybe you like it better when there’s a challenge or some type of connection. Don’t lead the guys on though.May 26, 2022 at 3:30 pm #933912
You may be emotionally unavailable. Have you ever looked into attachment styles? You may be describing an anxious preoccupied attachment style, which looks very available because of the love of love and desire for a relationship. But if you find a solid guy who returns the feelings and shows up for you without distance or drama, it feels like something is off and you may lose interest. If a guy is a challenge, suddenly you may find yourself overwhelmed with attraction.
If that sounds like you, you’re right that it has everything to do with you and little to do with the guy. The best thing to do is read up on this somewhat and consider discussing the issue with a therapist who specializes in helping people out with this. Usually learning to trust yourself and build up your own self-esteem outside of a romantic relationship will really help, but it’s not an easy thing to grow out of all on your own. Good luck, and if you want to try things out with this guy when he comes back, you’re on the right track with asking these questions, introspecting, and not tossing him to the side yet. It isn’t easy and can sometimes be painful to explore (all the more reason a good therapist is a great help for this) but you’ll get more answers about what you’re really looking for if you process the feelings that got you here and focus on connecting better with yourself. This can also be done while dating someone, though you need to be mindful of not dropping your own independent issues onto the other person.