4 dates and confused

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Liz Lemon 2 weeks ago.

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  • #836792 Reply


    I’ve been in 4 dates with a guy I met from an app that I am actually interested in. He was texting me every few days to just check in and make plans. First date drinks, then dinner / drinks and then 3rd I stayed at his place. He has driven to me 3 of the 4 dates and pays for everything. All signs pointing to him being interested. We end up making out / fooling around the 3rd date and he doesn’t kiss me goodbye when I leave, just hugs. Which I thought was weird but let it slide. We didn’t hangout for 3 weeks because he was quarantining so he could meet his new baby nephew. we spoke throughout that but it was less than usual (holidays) but it was fine he always hit me up the morning of Christmas and Christmas Eve and text me happy new year at 11:50 on NYE. So his quarantine ended and he said he would have a few busy days but wanted to see me later in the week and I said sure let me know. Then I don’t hear from him ALL week 5 days and then he popped up Friday morning like nothing was wrong and asked me to hangout the next day. I agreed, but was annoyed because we had never gone that long without texting. Our date was super fun we ended up going to dinner and drinks again and then watching a movie and made out / fooled around again ans he stayed over. Again in the morning he gave a hug goodbye. I’m confused.

    #836798 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    This will sound harsh, but I don’t mean for it to be. You said “all signs point to him being interested”. From reading your post I would say the opposite, I think all signs point to him NOT being that interested. He’s probably dating other women (which is his right, at this stage).

    He goes for extended periods without texting you (5 days?). He didn’t see you for 3 weeks because of a quarantine and did not prioritize seeing you when his quarantine was over (he said he had “a few busy days” and did not hit you up til 5 days later?).

    This is the behavior of a man who’s not that into you. He probably likes you well enough, but is not head over heels. And like I said, there’s a good chance he’s dating others– I hope you’re dating other guys as well! There is no commitment at this stage so you both have the right to date other people. Anyway like I said, I think this guy basically isn’t that into you. If he were, you would know, especially after 4 dates. A guy who’s interested in a woman doesn’t leave her hanging in silence for days at a time, and he prioritizes seeing her. This guy is not doing that. You will not feel confused when a guy is into you, you’ll know.

    #836799 Reply


    I agree with liz that you overestimate interest. Him paying and driving you for a few dates to me says he is serious about finding a match (seeing he is willing to pay) but not that its you. You need a longer period of time to measure interest and its not paying for meals. Its wanting to spend time with you, letting you know his thoughts, letting you in. Etc
    When this guy popped back up, you should have let it go. But i do understand why you didnt. Dont be confused. Youre dealing with a guy wanting casual with you

    #836806 Reply


    How old are the two of you? I would be confused by the hug- that doesn’t really make sense as you’ve kissed him a lot already?

    #836810 Reply

    T from NY

    Ugh I’m sorry. I agree with the others. This has alllll the signs of him using as a ‘back pocket girl’. Meaning, he’s keeping you around – but he is not keen. Just date others. See him casually if you want him to (although I don’t know how any one is multi dating these days with covid or not talking about it). Men rarely TELL you how they feel, they show it with their actions.

    #836818 Reply


    You have entered, ‘Booty Call’ City Limits…

    #836832 Reply


    You need to step back and date others

    #836868 Reply


    Thanks for the insight! I guess I could be reading the situation completely wrong, but I’ve dated quite a bit and typically can get a feel If someone is trying to put me in a booty call or casual only territory. Besides last week he has always initiated conversation every day or every other day and has always been the one to initiate dates. I mentioned him driving to me because we live 45 mins apart and with the holidays and both of our jobs being busy I appreciated that. We are both 31/32.

    #836872 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    In your original post you said he “texted you every few days”. Now you’re saying he texted you every day, or every other day. Which is it?

    The thing is, you’ve had 4 dates and instead of escalating things, he seems to be de-escalating them. He went from texting every day (?) to going 5 days without contacting you. The distance might also be a factor, a 45 minute drive is significant. It could be worse, but it’s and hour and a half round trip for one date. If he doesn’t feel strongly attracted to you he maybe starting to feel it’s not worth it. Who knows.

    If you wait and see, it will become clear whether he plans to take this to the next level. I assume you’ve been dating a couple months (I’m including the 3 week quarantine plus 4 dates). If he’s interested in pursuing something serious he will ramp things up. Like T from NY said, men show you how they feel. If he continues treating you casually then that’s how he sees you.

    #836873 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    I’ll also add: texting is low effort. He could be texting you and multiple other women. Look at the effort he makes to see you and take you out. The fact that he texts you daily doesn’t mean anything if he makes little effort to see you or get closer to you emotionally.

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