Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › 2 Months has passed and I’m struggling
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H.
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H
2 months has passed since splitting with the girl i was seeing. This girl was the first girl I had an instant connection with and I thought the absolute world of her.
I thought by now (2 months passing), I would be ok and the feelings would of slowly disappeared. However, the past 5 days or so I have been thinking about it all so much. I have found myself really wanting to message her but what has stopped me is my mindset that she doesn’t feel the same about me as I do her, otherwise she would of got in contact since.
I’m just abit stuck at the moment. Generally I have been coping really well but I still think about her a lot more than I want too and I don’t know why.
Anderson
I find myself missing my ex too these past couple of months. Except in my case I know it’s not a real feeling. I don’t want her back. So why the missing? Likely because all my dopamine fixes are unavailable i.e. watching sports, new movie with sis, dinner with coworkers, meeting new people coughcutewomencough etc
How long were you two dating for?
Feelings aren’t linear. Instead think of them like 2 steps forward, one step back. What you’re feeling is normal, more so given the social distancing/global pandemic that’s making people feel more lonelier and idle-minded than usual.
H
Hi Anderson,
I know deep down it’s for the best but that doesn’t stop my feelings or the fact I really miss her. I am not sure why the past 3-5days have been the worst out the 2 months? You are right in the fact that when I am kept busy, It’s much better.
I dunno mate, I dunno why I’m so down about it when I know it’s for the best. I just really miss her
Anon 2
H, you sure your not my ex?? Lol, i split with him just before lockdown and even though it was my decision i still miss him..past couple of days have been horrendous. Not much advice to give you. How do you lnow shes not waiting for YOU to reach out?
H
Anon2, I doubt it, what are your initials lol?
& I don’t think she is waiting for me to reach out because she admitted she doesn’t really know what she wants. I’d love for it to work out between me and her but splitting just before the lockdown was the final straw :(
Anderson
Males sometimes have a latency period when it comes to processing a breakup. My first ever breakup hit me like a truck a month after I called it off. Twas very annoying. I do way better now
The only consolation I can give you is that time will make it much easier, even if your brain has you convinced that you’ll forever missing her
mell
What everyone else has said.
Breakups are just hard, and they hurt. I’m sorry you’re going through it at a time when we’re all a bit more isolated and it’s harder to distract ourselves.
Look, I even broke it off with a close friend (not remotely a romantic or sexual relationship) over their horrendous treatment of me – and I stll missed them and wished it could have worked out. I still missed them for ages. Would never have taken them back – but it didn’t stop me from being pretty destroyed by it all.
If you think it was the right thing to break up, then it was the right thing – that won’t stop you missing them at first, or missing the good times and shared in-jokes. They were a part of your life – it’s only natural you’d find yourself taking a while to process it, ad that sometimes you’ll think back to what might have been and feel a bit sad.
but feeling that way is in no way (by itself) a sign that breaking up was wrong.You should already know whether it was right for you.
The pain gets better, eventually it’s just a distant memory.
redcurleysue
Love is not easy. Building a new history without her is the key. This takes time. You were part of a couple and now not – it is a change that has to be absorbed emotionally. You will know you are on the other side when you start having serious interest in other things. I suggest you kick this off with a small vacation to another environment – see new things, feel new feelings. It will help to heal. If you cannot do that plan a vacation or take up a new hobby – anything new will help.
H
Anderson, I hope so mate, I never thought I would be affected so much by this and yeah just such a s***y period atm.
Mell, there was nothing more I could have done from my side. I treated her how anyone should be and did all the right things. That’s why it upsets me it didn’t work out. Just so gutted because I thought the world of her and we was so happy.
redcurleysue
Look – you may have treated her as a queen – you both may have been in love – but life does not always move in a straight line. It hurts when you planned things a certain way and it did not pan out……..as you already know sometimes things we want do not always appear. And sometimes, even if you cannot see it today….it may be for the best in the long run.
Today you hurt….there is no cure….there may not be an answer to the question why. So just ride it out like the rest of us. We have all been there in one form or another – and it sucks but we put one foot in front of the other and continue to fight our way through life.
Consider this a part of being human in all its rages and glory.
Gina
I’m going to disagree with the others. Sometimes people need to break up, to realise what they had all along. My parents had a break up for 7 months they told me. I know one of my friends who broke up with her man and they got back together and are now married.
If you love her and miss her and she made you happy? Reach out. Don’t suppress how you’re feeling. Reach out in a friendly manner, something light and casual and see if she responds. If you broke up with her? She’s possibly hurting and not wanting to disrespect your choices to end things.
Steph
Why exactly did you two end things? I think in some cases, “exes” can get back together and have it work, if the issue that broke them up in the first place is no longer a problem. Missing someone is normal but doesn’t mean you should get back together with someone because of it. I missed my ex who I dated for about 6 months and was my first love, to the point where I almost forgot why We broke up and came close to asking yo get back together. But in the end, I couldn’t be happier with the decision to go separate ways.
H
Redcurleysue, Yeah I can’t disagree with you, hopefully, time sorts this out.
Gina, In a way, of course I would love that to happen. But I do not want to give myself any false hope or anything along those lines. We mutually agreed to end things but it came from her more so than me. What I mean by that is she admitted she doesn’t know what she wants. I do miss her and we did make each other happy but we needed to move our relationship forward and we couldn’t do that because of her not knowing what she wants. That’s why I think I shouldn’t reach out to her. As I said above, I think that she doesn’t feel the same about me as I do her, otherwise, she would have got in contact since.
Steph, above I have explained why things came to an end. She doesn’t know what she wants, it became unfair on me and we couldn’t move our relationship forward. Love the girl to bits but unfortunately, this happened.
Gina
H, if she ended it because she didn’t want to commit to you? Then 100% do not contact her. She wasn’t keen to take things further with you because she probably didn’t see you as a long term partner.
Missing someone is a normal part of a break up however. You deserve a girl who wants you enough to commit to you. The right girl is out there.
H
Gina, yeah i know that’s why I deserve but doesn’t stop me missing her unfortunately:(
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