This topic contains 21 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by anony 4 months, 2 weeks ago.
February 28, 2016 at 7:23 pm #510677
Dating a guy for just over a month, but chatting for over 2 months (met online). Noticed his contact got less frequent in past 2 weeks, I only sent x2 messages that i initiated to say Hi and he would respond. We still went out both weekends and it was a nice time. Then i noted i hadnt heard from him for 4 days, so i sent a very nice light message saying i noticed he hadnt responded to my last text and as has his contact had lessend so i assumed i wouldnt hear from him so based on that I would move on and best of luck. In essence i was ok enough just to leave it be (cant stand waiting around) he replied next day, saying things were full on (blah blah) and he was basically trying to keep his head above water – but that i could go to his that night if i wanted to (as if im going to drop everything and go over and thought ‘IF I WANT TO!) I think NOT! So i offered for next weekend and again no reply it’s been two days now. I wont say anything further and i have by no means chased him or called,text etc… HOW DO YOU KNOW IF HE IS PULLING AWAY AND WILL PROB BE BACK OR IF HES COMPLETELY LOST INTEREST AND WONT COME BACK??? I have deleted everything of his as just helps me to forget either way. BUT…this is where i find no expert answers the diff between the two and when you should know hes not returning.February 28, 2016 at 7:31 pm #510679
No way of knowing but I feel he may have just been being polite & is not interested.
I’d say if a man says nothing for a week it’s a clear indication of lost interest. However if something stressful truly is going on, I think 2 weeks could be more like it.
I wouldn’t waste your time wondering about him though.February 28, 2016 at 7:33 pm #510681
My attention span is short so it may be different for me but after a week, I delete his number and never speak to him again. After a week I think you should move on.February 28, 2016 at 7:42 pm #510684
Yep it felt to me as though he was trying to be polite also – the ladies around me said he is still interested but im not so sure about that and am not the type of person to fool myself. I know he is full on atm and i know will be this week and next, theres no doubt about that and his parent is dying also. He acknowledged that he hadnt been in touch and was sorry but just had to do what he had to to get by right now, then offered i come to a family pool party at his that night. I already deleted ALL his stuff – then there is zilch chance of me contacting him. I already said to him good luck and that i didnt expect to hear from him, so if hes not interested, then why did he come back showing interest?? he couldve just gone with my nice see ya and good luck text and been done with it?? thoughts??February 28, 2016 at 8:04 pm #510690
His parent is dying and his family are having a pool party? Does that not sound a bit strange?February 28, 2016 at 8:26 pm #510696
Pool party is not strange … As I have been one. Death nowadays are mourned differently.
But I would put dating someone new on hold if that happens…
Dating are never black and white.
Why sent text like this over a guy you meet online?
No need to enlarge his importance unless he becomes an important person of your life.February 28, 2016 at 9:59 pm #510713
Sorry his parent is terminally ill, not dead yet but will die prob this year. Your right in terms of importance placed, but doesnt matter where we meet i don’t think, matters that we have been dating?? All i really wanted to know was how long before knowing that it’s not a man pulling away, hes straight out lost interest and wont be contacting. Also, i sent the nice see ya text and he came back still showing interest – so i think ‘why bother doing that, that was his out big time’February 29, 2016 at 12:03 am #510728
You poked …
He poked back…
Now what …?February 29, 2016 at 12:49 am #510734
Leave him alone. Maybe he was just being polite in responding. He knows how to get hold of you if he needs to, if he does and you’re free make a decision then. Personally I wouldn’t get wrapped up in this, it seems soon he will be grieving (sadly) and that is a whole different ball game. Move on would be my suggestion, get back online and keep dating.February 29, 2016 at 2:50 am #510749
It sounds like he has a lot on, but even so, I think he would likely explain that and not leave you hanging. He invited you to the pool party, so he could have invited you before you got in touch if he’d wanted to and had been thinking about you. He may be swamped, in which case he could be back once his life has calmed down. I’m glad you’re not waiting around for that to happen thoughFebruary 29, 2016 at 3:05 am #510752
Anwering the main question, well there is a big probability, that he went silent and not interested, otherwise he would have called you. For me, I wait for like 2 days, nothing more. Talking to someone everyday for 2 months, and then suddenly nothing for four days or more means that it’s a no go for me!
I was actually in the same situation, it’s been 2 weeks now and I don’t even want anything from the guy.
Kelly,focus on yourself, be with your friends, and go out with others. Don’t contact this guy!
Bests, LekishaFebruary 29, 2016 at 4:16 am #510763
Thanks all :) like i said, i deleted everything and anything to do with him,- just my way of letting go irrespective of if he returns or not. I most certainly HAVE left him alone, not sure how one came to think i hadnt??? otherwise i would loose respect for myself – lol.. i have a level of dignity i like to maintain and that comes with NOT chasing a guy in any way shape or form. All the experts say guys pull away, but never tell you if you know they have pulled away or gone, i havent seen anything about how long one should ‘wait’ as such – which is the initial question i had. My life is pretty good, great job, lovely friends, gym, dancing etc…just would like the icing on the cake :) We both said we wouldnt date others – it doesnt matter what another person does to me, i will always try to hold onto my own morals and values and i have a great deal of integrity. I wasnt just ‘going’ to start dating others without telling him so, which is why i sent the initial text, not to manipulate in any way shape or form, but so i knew I was doing the ‘right’ thing. He then came back to me which threw me off – i wouldve been content had he not, or if he had agreed that we were not for each other…kind of bugs me that he did really but still isnt coming through – geez it really was his perfect time to let me go.. If in the next couple days, i still want to just move on and date others, i will let him know – if i hold off and don’t hear by weeks end – i will simply move on and date others.February 29, 2016 at 5:57 am #510774
He is not coming back. A man into you who is busy will communicate that so you know. Next time, no need to say what you said, as you were not in a relationship. You had basically been out a few times…February 29, 2016 at 9:19 am #510813
Why would you need to “inform” him that you’re dating other men? None of his concern. You aren’t exclusive. Just assume he isn’t interested and go on about your business.February 29, 2016 at 9:22 am #510815
“why bother doing that, that was his out big time”
Women think that just because they come back, it means they’re interested or suddenly came to their senses when that’s not the case. He doesn’t want to lose your companionship just in case he gets lonely or needs an ego boost. When in actuality it has nothing to do with wanting to be with you.February 29, 2016 at 9:26 am #510818
Definitely do not let him know that would turn him off because it would show you are way over thinking him. If a guy has lost interest & you said that, you’d be making a fool of yourself.
But as a rule of thumb, if a man hasn’t contacted you in a week, then forget him.February 29, 2016 at 2:20 pm #510962
Thanks again :) 1. because we were exclusively dating each other and he was the one that bought that up, not me – so if ive made an agreement i gen wont go against it unless i let them know. However, i now don’t feel the need – it’s a given as far as im concerned. Ashley thank you, you are one of the few that has read my posts properly :) Again ladies, we are not all fools, my question was simply ‘how long do you give them before knowing they are coming back’ as all the experts talk about pulling away but don’t give you a timeline. Paige, not all women think the way your suggesting, are not my thoughts at all, again i am not a sucker, call a spade a spade, don’t mince words and certainly don’t fool myself – it was simply a question that i havent found the answer from any expert.February 29, 2016 at 2:27 pm #510964
i think generally, we know deep down what we have to do. no one is an expert at these things, and everyone is different. but for your own specific situation, i’d say listen to your intuition – we sense when things are wrong, or off balance. we don’t always know how to describe what’s off but you, yourself knows what’s best. it seems like you know how to proceed with this, and there is no point on dwelling on the past, hoping for him to come back, another outcome, etc. i’m a firm believer of…do what you feel is right. trust that you’ve made the right decision, walk away and don’t make yourself fit with someone who seems unsure of what he wants. don’t settle for crumbs.February 29, 2016 at 4:09 pm #510987
Perfect Jacky :) so correct in terms of intuition. I absolutely no when things are not quite right – this is what ive been saying to friends including a male friend or two and they say ‘Maybe hes busy’, ‘cut him some slack’, blah blah blah… then i read too much BS about dating stuff, then each time im right and almost feel annoyed at friends for not trusting what im saying which 99.9% of the time is correct… him coming back i have realised was more about my ‘ego’ then liking him as was never really into him anyway, i kind knew he was beneath my standards in some ways, deff in regards to basic courtesy and respect to other people – lol.. learnt that about him for sure. I just had a little rest and woke up feeling good that i get to see what else is out there and get back to being me :)November 8, 2018 at 4:58 am #728672
Teresia Nduta Muigua
We dated for three months, we’re planning to get married, had even met his parents but he pulled away after we had sex. It’s now a month. Will he ever come back?November 8, 2018 at 9:58 am #728704
I doubt it.November 8, 2018 at 12:09 pm #728732
Usually when a man pulls away, there is some contact but less frequent and distant. If he’s not coming back there is no contact, especially if you reach out.
He sounds like he is probably not coming back, at least any time soon — especially because it sounds like things are just going to be getting worse due to his parent being ill.
If I were you, I would move on. Send him some good vibes when you’re thinking of him, then let it go. You may hear from him again someday but I wouldn’t count on it.