Oxytocin: when will it wear off?

I think you are crying because you are wondering what went wrong and how you could not have seen it.

It hurts to be hoodwinked…it hurts to be out of position…it hurts to care somewhat and not have that level of caring returned.

While you “think” logically that you did not connect what woman do you know has sex (letting another person enter their body) and have no expectations besides someone who is paid for the moment? For you there was a connection-which also tells you that whether or not you realize it that casual sex is not for you emotionally. Perhaps sex and intimacy has taken on a new meaning for you????

Men can easily disconnect sex and emotion….women are relationship built…we want our encounters to mean something to someone….especially intimate ones.

Thanks for your replies they’re very helpful.

It’s alright….I knew there would be people judging me on here or else I wouldn’t have bothered making a post. I just needed an answer to my question.

I’m 20 and he’s 24 – I know the saying that guys of that age aren’t looking for relationships but instead will do anything to get into your pants – the reason why I tried to prepare myself for any fall backs that may occur while trying to date them.

Just a year ago I was in a FWB relationship with a guy for 2 months. He made it clear he wasn’t looking for a relationship and I was fine with it considering I was not looking for one either. When he ultimately left I wasn’t affected in the least but just continued back to my daily routine which is why I found it very strange that I was reacting this way today.

This guy told me he was looking for a relationship. I was not specifically looking for one – just going with the flow and willing to accept whatever we became. After the sex I called him out on it clearly telling him that I was okay with whatever we were and that all I wanted was for us to be on the same page. He said we were dating and that he didn’t want me just for sex so he arranged our date on Thursday. However, throughout it he seemed to have pulled back….barely speaking and displaying no affection (holding my hand, touching, kissing) that he did in our first 2 dates.
He use to text me everyday. He was even suppose to contact me yesterday because he invited me to a friend’s party but I didn’t hear from him. I sent him a text but he never responded.

I feel that it’s pretty clear he’s not going to respond so I best move forward then again I did not expect the crying

What hurts is that he lied to you when you were honest. People tell lies. Its horrid but it’s true – who knows their reasons. But liars hurt.
Breath in deep, love yourself and you will feel better in no time x

I agree with Janet, it’s the deception That makes you so vulnerable. Protect your heart but never lose your own integrity and values. I don’t believe it’s Oxytocin, I’m not saying the hormone isn’t real, all I am saying think there is more to the dynamic of the relationship than there is to the Oxytocin.

Dear Jordan,

Do not get depressed…this guy told you he was looking for a relationship but he decided obviously that he wanted to look elsewhere. And that is ok – when you are dating that is the name of the game…you will dance with lots of partners and almost *95% of them will not be workable with you. And that is also a good thing since when someone special comes along you will appreciate them. Of those 5% some will love you more and you will love some more…and somewhere in that 5% will be life partners that are your balance.

It is much easier when you look at a guy and say “he is not for me – he is for someone but not for me” than to hear that from a guy…but those are the thorns in the roses…we all get a few turns in the “not picked but wish I were” line. It hurts since there were some feelings involved..

The key, as you know, is to keep your emotions out of a situation until the man has clearly picked you. This I know is hard to do but to survive it is necessary. Resolve to scope a guy out for a long time before you get attached – make sure he is worthy and has already given you his heart…

UPDATE:

I just need to vent on here. I’d been left in Limbo all week as to whether or not we’re still “dating” or seeing each other. I decided to send him a text to confirm we’re not seeing each other. He responded with a yes. Yet again here I am in tears over this guy I barely know and it makes no sense whatsover. I’m at 20 – the ripe age of casual sex and flings not one where I get emotionally attached to someone who I’ve known for just a month and whose almost a complete stranger.

I need to know how you guys do it – how do you get over someone. Pls tell me – any advice will do. I am desperate. It’s been difficult to concentrate on work all week because I’ve been so obsessed over him.

To be honest a part of me just wants to call him over the phone and ask him what went wrong and if there’s anyway he’ll take me back. I’ve already deleted his number but sadly memorized it. I know how needy and desperate that sounds but I’ve never felt this low before – it wasn’t even this bad when I split up with my boyfriend of 6 months. Ladies pls I really need your help on how to handle this

Oh and Nice saying; you cant lose something you never owned in the first place, and a girl doesnt need anyone who doesnt need her, enjoy your youth ;)

“This guy told me he was looking for a relationship. I was not specifically looking for one – just going with the flow and willing to accept whatever we became. After the sex I called him out on it clearly telling him that I was okay with whatever we were and that all I wanted was for us to be on the same page. He said we were dating and that he didn’t want me just for sex so he arranged our date on Thursday. However, throughout it he seemed to have pulled back….”

I think he was actually turned off by your honesty, even though he seemed okay for a while. Because then he realized you didn’t really like him nor wanted to date him… That last time you went out he probably was well aware of that and like he said, he’s looking for a real relationship. He just wasn’t brave enough to break up with you upfront… I’m sorry, but I think you made a mistake as well.
I don’t think he’s rejecting you as a person, but the situation in itself. You don’t really like him so no need to feel that depressed, considering you were into a FWB relationship before as well. You’re strong! I’m sure you’ve lots of other interesting things going on in your life!

But personally, I think it’d do you good to focus on yourself and what makes you happy and maybe later dedicate to someone you actually care for and hopefully cares for you. You deserve nothing less than that, and I guess that’s what he must be looking for too.

Can’t thank you ladies enough for your help

Just reading your comments helped me understand my situation more and it stopped the tears from flowing. I, of course, wanted to maintain whatever dignity I had left in his eyes so despite the urge I didn’t contact him again and I don’t plan to now ever again.

Hopefully all works out for the best

The problem isn’t oxytocin.

He texts, you get butterflies. He compliments, butterflies. He initiates a date, butterflies.

You conditioned your well-being around his responses. Therefore, you need to undo the conditioning.

I second the prevailing advice to bulk up your schedule. At worst you’ll be too tired to dwell on what going on with him. If you need to cry during this time, do it. Just don’t wallow.

Actually, what you need is perspective. Talk with other people. Listen to them. Meditate, pray, look at the sky, whatever. The point is find a bigger picture beyond this. You’re not the first to get burned. Things will get better if you work for it.

Write the Things I Hate About Him list, it does wonders:)