I'm not ready to be exclusive yet with a really great guy!

Do what the men do but a honest version. When either one backs off then you will know which one you will miss. If you are looking for a relationship with great love, follow your heart.

Do not worry about your age. It is just insecurity.

Be honest and don’t string anyone along. Good karma will always come back to you.

I would tell both that I can’t fully committed yet until i have clarity. Commitment will follow soon as decision is made. Be a great lady with inner beauty, you can always attract men for life regardless your age.

I am was in this dilemma with 3 men. I’ve had sex with one of them. The one I slept with and one other are not ready for a relationship. They told me this and we are now good friends and I am not sleeping with any of them now. The one who is ready for a relationship has backed us off to just friends recently..probs cos he knew I had the other 2 on the back burner. I am bitterly regretting the other 2 now and wish I could turn the clock back cos I have fallen for bloke 3 and I have fallen hard. However it crossed my mind that having to chose between them all meant I probably shouldn’t be with any of them? I am keeping them all as friends, doing my own thing and seeing what happens in the future. Weirdly the one I slept with ( sex was mind blowing) is the one who makes the most effort with me and sees me the most and texts me at least 50 times a day. He’s away now and is still texting me all the time and sending me piccie of what he is doing. He met my children recently and gets on with them. He acts like he loves me but he doesn’t want a relationship. I was very sad a the time but accepted it. He’s not with anyone else 8 months on. I will never get men lol

I think the issue is not either picking the apple or orange for now. It is finding the right fruit that you can enjoy and cherish over and over again.

Unless you just need to grab something to keep you satisfy for the time being.

Think to yourself — who will you miss more if they stop contacting you — the doctor or the attorney? or alternatively, flip a coin –heads Doctor, tails Attorney ….deeeppp down which side of the coin do you want?

There’s nothing wrong with dating two guys at the same time –but you cant equally string both of them along, esp after having sex with both of them cuz then it’s going to create a big mess.

IMO, focus more of your time on the doctor — don’t discuss exclusivity, but just try to enjoy the time you two have with each other — can you see him as being someone you’ll spend time with in the future?

Spend a bit less time with the attorney, dont reply to his texts right away, but dont cut ties off with him yet. But perhaps, don’t have sex with him again.

If while you’re with the doctor you feel satisfied and completely happy, then maybe ditch the attorney. But if you find yourself missing the attorney and thinking about him, then maybe the doctor isn’t right for you and you should shift more of your attention to the attorney.

You said you’ve been with the doctor for 2months? I think that’s way too early to talk about commitments and exclusivity, so I dont think you should feel guilty about not knowing which one to pick.

I totally agree that two months is way too early to talk about exclusivity. The doctor assumed that when he brought up getting off the online dating site and I did, that it meant we were exclusive. To me, it meant that I didn’t want to date anyone new and that I was happy with my current rotation of two. I’m seeing the doctor tonight and have to bring this up with him gently. I’m not ready to be exclusive yet. If I were to make a list, all the check marks by his name would be filled. He’s even my same religion (Jewish). And while being stable and responsible is great, he’s not all that fun. The attorney is really fun and I have a blast with him. The attorney knows I’m dating other people and is working it hard to try to get me to choose him. He came by my house on Sunday and surprised me with champagne, flowers, and chocolates and helped me pack (I’m moving next week). I was in sweatpants and hadn’t showered yet that day and he told me how beautiful I looked. I feel in the long run, the attorney would be more accepting of who I am while the doctor would get annoyed with me because I don’t balance my checkbook or something boring like that. And even though the sex with the attorney was just okay the first time, it was the first time. I’ll have to give it a second try to make sure. ;)

So I think I will ask the doctor to slow it down a little bit, give me a little more space before being exclusive. I’ll still go out with the attorney and make sure he really likes me and its not a competition that he’s trying to win and then decide in the early fall with whom I want to be exclusive. The doctor will just have to accept it is too early for me. The doctor is everything on paper that I could possibly want in a man, but its the attorney who makes me really smile when I think about him.

After years of being incredibly needy and pushing men away, it is very refreshing to see how the advice on this website and Rori Raye and other similar relationship gurus really works. I have a very good problem and I’m lucky I have this problem. Once I started loving myself and putting myself first for a change, I’ve brought great guys into my life. It works, ladies!! Love yourself first. It took me several hard heartbreaks and pain to bring me to where I am today and I wish I knew what I know now at almost 50 when I was younger. It would have spared me a lot of grief. Don’t ever settle for less than you deserve.

Thank you everyone for your advice. Wish me luck!

Claudia – You give me hope!! I’m 56 just entering the dating seen after 24 years married.

Heather – Thank you for sharing your journey with loving yourself first, it’s inspirational and good luck! Please let us know how it goes…living vicariously through you for now. LOL