How should I deal with this…


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals How should I deal with this…

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  • #932593 Reply
    ..

    (Backstory)
    So posted previously months ago about a guy I saw briefly, on a night out was with my friends he was out also. ( knew each other were out) when I saw him mid through the night he went mental at me and said I stalking him etc etc. It was horrendous and I was humiliated and honestly was unprovoked. I live and go out in the area often so I was really upset and honestly traumatised about the way and stuff he said.

    Two weeks later I bumped into him and I honestly thought the air would clear but it go so much worse,he made lots of low key threats to be honest I just cried and ran home whilst he was screaming at me because it was honestly that bad. I was honestly really affected by it, and literally haven’t been out in the area in My normal places since. I really feel uncomfortable seeing him. We both just agreed to not speak and we’ve both respected that.

    Fast forward to bow he text me saying he is now dating my neighbour and wanted to tell me as I may bump into him. He said he was trying to be respectful and at the time I believed that. He then rang me to tell me he was recording our conversation and it needs to not be a problem. It was hostile and an unwarranted opening to a call to someone who’s just been trying to move past a real bad patch. seeing his car is not daily reminder I needed when the whole experience kind of traumatised me .
    Mine and this neighbour are in a flat type set up with a balcony that’s kind of shared so pretty inevitable I will bump into him. Tbh the thought of seeing him is stressing me out and I honestly can’t tell if I am overthinking it and just need to get over it, I guess I just feel really anxious dispite him saying he doesn’t want any animosity. I’m not angry it’s just really uncomfortable and I don’t really know how I should be feeling. I just can’t live on edge worrying about bumping into him which is going to happen immeninetly

    #932594 Reply
    Xe

    **** to clarify was dating him for a few weeks and saw him on a night out **

    #932595 Reply
    Raven

    He’s recording your convo & then threatening you?!
    You know he’s a sociopath…

    Might not be a bad idea to record him in turn. But, why haven’t you blocked him already?

    On your shared balcony, put up a room divider or something where you won’t have to see him.

    He will be out of your life soon enough, when he treats your neighbor the same way…

    #932600 Reply
    T from NY

    As someone who has worked directly with women and men regarding matters of domestic violence and stalking I would highly advise the following things:
    -Although it may be counter intuitive, and give you a possible brief relief – never block someone who’s stalking you or harassing you. You need to know if their threats escalate so you can take care of yourself the best way possible. The trick once you have made the determination that someone is harassing, stalking you, is to tell the person “Our communications have become extremely uncomfortable to me and I wish for no more contact from you. I will not be responding anymore.” Then you DO NOT ENGAGE. Do NOT answer a text, a call, anything ever again. This helps prove to law enforcement it’s not just “relationship/ex drama” if you ever need to seek a restraining order. Not blocking them also allows you to track proof you would need, in addition to monitoring if the person is fading, continuing steadily, or escalating.
    -Get a notebook and write down dates and times of everything potentially threatening has happened beginning when he first went sideways and blew up at you out in public. Write down as much as you remember. Then, each and every time he attempts to make contact from this day forward, jot down the date and time and a brief description.
    -Last and most importantly, try to never be alone with him. Vary your schedule or be as inconspicuous as possible when he’s over visiting your neigbor. If you haven’t told him already to leave you alone, you could do so IF he approaches you in person or reaches out. It only takes a couple of sentences like above – then say nothing.

    If his harassment continues, even if it’s months from now – I would seek what resources you may have in your community through law enforcement, criminal court for a restraining order, or any type of advocacy groups that may be in your area.

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