“Ground zero” rules for the forum

[buttercup]

[deleted]

[SLS]

Eric,

Thanks for saying that comments like the one below are the kind you think are wrong and will get people banned. I don’t respond/react, but this is exactly the kind of condescending, mean and vicious comment that runs completely counter to the purpose of the site and makes me not want to visit or post anything. Maybe other people are more thick-skinned, but for me it actually feels like someone just said this to my face. I have a physical reaction. It’s just so incredibly ugly. So please make sure there’s a rule to cover this (I guess it would be something like: Don’t be condescending, vicious or deliberately insulting). Thanks.

OMG, the ENDLESS rambling in here… I actually think it’s offensive to write looong comments and expect people to read them. Seriously, do you go on and on about things in real life too? If so, I feel sorry for your friends, family and co workers etc.

[Eric Charles]

@SLS – Yup, we’re in agreement. I will make sure of it.

[Mistral]

It’s amazing how many people like to judge others without walking even a single footstep in the other person’s moccasins. I would say rule #1 should be “Treat others as you would like to be treated by them”.

[Lizz]

OMGGGGGGG i just got finished reading all this and wth!!! I thought we were just supposed to stay on topic, the rules, thats all right? La Girl, Maria, Buttercup banned!! Please no Eric, NOOOOOO! They were just trying to prove the point that this one person that changes names every five minute has caused all this trouble. You know who see is BANN her SERIOUSLY. Ok give the others a warning but do not ban them. Ban that one person who caused all this..

This has all gone to far. Eric has already stated in my post what his solution is, so implement and let that be that. But i will not sit here and the the Regulars be bashed now because someone came and made a mockery of us and this website. Oh no!!!

Ban the one who needs to be banned, because that person has caused this and very easy to spoke. Regulars are not bullies, and never have been. Let the rules be set in place and lets end this already. But please dont ban people that has been here for years.

[Harley]

And….The Nobel peace prize of 2015…goes to… Lizz.

Thank You Lizz.

[SLS]

It’s not all about the one person you think it’s all about, Lizz.

I am not defending anything she said, but I don’t defend anything anyone said to her, either. All of it was really ugly. The way everyone piled on her was awful. Maybe in the beginning she lashed out because she was hurt. Sometimes people do that when they’re hurt and they don’t know how to deal with it. Maybe if when she lashed out people hadn’t been horrible, it never would have spiraled out of control.

This is not the black-and-white issue many people seem to think it is, and Eric is really being very fair. I’m all for banning people that on a thread that’s supposed to be about creating a solution keep stirring up drama and trying to stop the solution from happening.

ONE person did not cause this. And who is a bully is a matter of perspective. I’m looking forward to a less toxic forum.

[Eric Charles]

@Lizz – I didn’t ban Maria — why, did she do something too? (raises eyebrow)

Buttercup and LAGirl deliberately instigated the already very apparent problem.

I already said that I’m handling it and doing my best to help the situation. Buttercup was straight up lying (portraying herself as innocent, helpful and against “how Eric was handling things” and LAGirl was doing a similar thing (framing the situation like I’m a greedy businessman who’s neglecting the forum, allowing trolls to run free, etc.)

This wasn’t them proving a point. This was them feeding the drama while simultaneously acting like the drama is my fault and putting the blame on me.

They were caught red-handed. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t other people who are getting banned who clearly were trolls… the problem was already going to be taken care of.

They showed their true colors and they are gone.

You don’t want to believe it but trust me, there’s a TON more that I can see from my end that you all just don’t know (and I’m not interested in sharing the details).

Trust me, there are other members here who are going to get banned for the same type of stuff — creating problems, instigating the crowd to turn against some common enemy and then acting like they’re innocent.

Truly sick behavior. You think they are people that they are not. Be careful.

[joan]

I think the concern may be that some people here will feel a person may have become a facebook friend and will tell the tale of unjust dismissal but could be a serious nutjob about to infringe upon your personal life. I can fully understand Harley’s concern, as a public person, brave enough to show her face.

[S]

I don’t see any really bad consequences for a person who has been banned from a public forum. Is that such a big deal? They can participate in other forums if they want to. Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t see what the concern is about.

[joan]

S – stalkers and nutjobs are real. You would be amazed at the length some people will go to :( They can go to anther forum but every forum is unique – once they like a place they do all they can to destroy it or rule it. Power mad people can be disturbing, as Eric Charles has shown in several examples of outrageous behaviour he discussed here. My concern was triggered when I think I understood why Harley may have been worried. I could be overly concerned but it never hurts to be cautious nowadays.

[S]

Yes I understand that. But the people here don’t use their real names. How do you know who they really are. I think the only thing that Eric can do is banned them. He does not know their real names. Only their email address and fake names.so what difference does it make to name a user name if we don’t know who the real person is?

[S]

I agree with you that if someone disclosed private information here in this forum should be concerned. There are definitely crazy people that enjoys attacking and hurting people. I’ve seen it on this forum.

[Harley]

I’m not overall concerned about my fb details. Fb is good about tackling imposters. .vicious posts etc.

It Is a concern that someone is using it to perhaps glean info about people to use here.

That’s why I wish Eric would be more transparent on who any other possible imposter is.

Already it appears to me on this site that other posters are perhaps believing that LA and Buttercup have been stirring shite for ages. Maybe they have…maybe they haven’t. The investigation Eric states he is carrying out should clear this up. record of their posts shall or shall not prove they have only impersonated on a few accounts.

My concern is that perhaps other posters have impersonated multiple, multiple times….and they are not being called out on it.

Like you Joan…I find it all fascinating.

[Marie]

[This post, and several others deleted. Some posts earlier in this thread may appear to be responding to “noone”, and that is why – we’re cleaning out a lot of the trolling going on here.]

[Raven]

Wow… Eric, are you going to do something here?

[Eric Charles]

@Raven – Yeah… I just woke up…

I’m continuing to ban the troublemakers as I find them.

To comment on something Harley asked in another thread – the only reason I named LAGirl and buttercup in other posts was because they were specifically portraying themselves as “the good guys” and expressing their disappointment in me (while planting a bunch of made up ideas to stir up controversy).

It wasn’t “just a trolling joke” – it was more malicious than any other impostor or troll had done. They were deliberately using their influence with certain members here to turn people’s opinions against me (mind you, while I already said that I’m going to solve the problem and working on it) and then, in addition, started adding to the problem.

Additionally, I spoke about them because those were the members that people would demand an explanation for. It was obvious that Kelly/Susanne was stirring stuff up and so kicking her out needed no fanfare.

But as far as the idea that someone expressed that SLS and S are also Kelly/Susanne? No… they are not. They just have a different opinion.

[Lane]

I’ve stayed out of the fray and been away for a couple days hoping for some form of resolution but it seems to be eroding even further and feel compelled to speak out.

Eric, this is your business and whether you profit from it or not you control and manage all its contents…none of us do. If a shopkeeper opened a store, threw some articles in it and a cash register then asked the customers to do the “right thing” by scanning the price tag and paying for it themselves, how long do you think they would be in business?

If you don’t have the money or time to invest in the forum, asking strangers you don’t know and have never met to police it for you without having the capacity or power to change or effect it is wrong. Of course in a PERFECT WORLD this forum would operate as you envision it should but we do not live in a perfect world whereby every company/operation who conducts business online (FB, twitter, google, et. al) has to spend considerable time, energy and money to keep it operating effectively because there’s millions of people who wish to undo it for a myriad of reasons that’s beyond another’s comprehension—like those on that Catfish show.

The problem is by taking the “out of sight, out of mind” approach and not investing any personal time into this forum by popping in regularly (at least once or every other day) to provide advice thereby not only showing others “HOW” you want it doled out, it wouldn’t get to the level it does. You need to be the one to set the example and continue to monitor it or it will fall by the wayside—its human nature.

This whole escapade should have ended on your first warning to “Kelly” (aka Jessy, et. al) by immediately “blocking” out her posts that violated your warning thereby physically showing everyone that it won’t be tolerated. SHE should have been made THE EXAMPLE well over a week ago but for some odd unknown reason you allowed it to escalate by entertaining her (allowing her to post)?!? By doing nothing she then escalated it to her “poaching” contributors names and again did nothing to immediately stop it by locking down the thread—why? This is an honest question that many are trying to figure out.

I have no idea “why” BC or LAgirl did this as its not in their character at all and you know it. She’s making very good people do bad things because its become a feeding frenzy of posts that you can say and do what you want and nothing will happen. I honestly believe they were trying to either: A) show you how easy it is to “poach a name” and it needs to be fixed; or B) to end this fiasco by getting rid of the true instigator, blocking these dramatic threads and working on real solutions, not endless drama. What rule did they break because IT APPEARS to people looking in as if its OK for the “Kelly’s” to do it, but not others since nothing had been done in the other thread, e.g., blocking those posts and making an “official statement” that from hereon out if anyone engages in this activity they will be banned.

All I’m trying to say is that had you immediately quarantined (blocked out) Kelly’s posts and all other names she went by and then locked down the threads and started your own for “the rules” that should have been moderated by you as the owner. If those posting couldn’t conform to the topic, then blocking that post out would have “sent the message” that it WILL NOT devolve into another “drama feeding thread” and now it has once again because you didn’t follow through. All I’m saying is that by doing nothing after making a threat or demand sets the precedent that’s its OK to do it if there’s no immediate or swift penalty (like a ticket for speeding). I don’t think its right at this point to “pick and chose” who gets banned when there are plenty of others who’ve done it or didn’t post on the topic of “the rules” yet are getting a free pass—it should be all or none.

I request that you un-ban LAgirl and BC, allow them to provide a public apology (if they wish to come back to this forum) and lock down the drama threads, post a new one titled “The New Rules” and monitor it heavily (keeping the drama out) so we can find better solutions that will benefit everyone coming here. Thank you for your time attention.

[zen2475]

Nobody does what is not in their inherent character to do. Saying that someone “made” them behave as they did is a cop out. As humans, we are given the ability to make our own choices. That makes us responsible for our own deeds. Holding some responsible for something we did is saying that they don’t know how to control their own life and to do what is best for them. No one can “make” you do what you don’t want. Period.

People always eventually reveal their true nature. Sometimes that true nature is a bitter pill to swallow.

Eric runs this forum as he sees fit. No one gets to tell him how to run it, nor is he accountable to anyone. If someone doesn’t like how things are done here, you don’t have to participate.

Asking Eric to second guess his choices just because you don’t agree with them is disrespectful and just rude.

[SLS]

Eric has explained over and over why he chose to go about fixing the problems on the forum the way he did, I can’t believe it’s being called into question again. He also already said he’s putting together the rules this weekend. He probably has to do other things like eat and sleep. Everyone has made their suggestions and he’s going to post new rules soon.

zen2475: Right on

[Lane]

Zen, I have the right to ask questions or provide a point like everyone else has. This has devolved far past the initial “topic” and ask that you refrain from censoring me by telling me what I can or cannot say.

You can speak for yourself but you cannot speak for others that you do not personally know. The “mob mentality” is a very REAL human condition as is many others which is why they have names and definitions subscribed to them. Why they did it I do not know because its so far outside of their TRUE CHARACTER based on the time I’ve gotten to know them in the forum. Humans err, are fallible and we do things we would never do under normal circumstances or conditions so trying to paint a person’s entire character on this one incident is not reasonable. If you told ONE LIE in your life then you are “a liar” and somehow I don’t believe you would like to be classified as such if you tell the truth 96% of the time.

No one’s character should be based on one bad moment without taking into consideration ALL the good one’s which is why I believe they deserve a second chance based on the “conditions” surrounding it. I do not in anyway agree or condone with what they did as it only perpetuated the problem but sometimes people reach a level of ‘frustration’ (boiling point) when one feels helpless or powerless to change or fix something (like having the ability to block the harasser or nasty message). I know many complained about her several weeks ago, yet she continued to harass and demean contributors and had it been nipped in the bud earlier this would have never reached the level it has. You have to look at the “cause and effect” (causation) and accept had A happened B would not.

[Carrie]

Actually this is a community in which we participate in order to help one another during difficult times. That said, Lane asking Eric to reconsider is perfectly natural given that she participates actively and given how transparent she has made her very reasonable perspectives.

[zen2475]

Lane – I never told you what to say or not. I merely expressed my opinion that I found you questioning Eric as disrespectful. Further, I never claimed to speak for anyone else. You are creating a straw man argument and I ask you to stop.

Eric obviously found the aggregate of BC’s and LAGirl’s behavior bad enough to ban them. Yes, we are all seemingly adults here and you don’t have to explain boiling points to me. Been there, done that. I do know that as an adult I can self regulate and not let other’s actions get the best of me and just walk away or ignore. It seems that has not been the case with some here. They were dealt with accordingly.

[Lane]

Zen, I wasn’t asking for your opinion as I personally addressed it to “Eric,” whereby I believe he’s fully capable of answering it for himself. One could easily say its ‘disrespectful’ or ‘rude’ to answer someone else’s post, mail or letter that wasn’t specifically addressed to them, so let’s not get into a tit-for-tat and allow him be the one to decide. Thank you.

[CiCi]

I’m a light to moderate poster but I do like to read all of the posts. I agree with Patricia 100%. Every single word!!

[Author]

Posts