“Ground zero” rules for the forum

[T]

Amen Patricia.

I’m a frequent reader of the forum and do not wish to say who I am when I post advice. But seriously, it’s done now. No, we may not LIKE it, but we must RESPECT it.

Everyone goes overboard sometimes, but Eric really strikes me as the type of person who doesn’t act without good reason. Some of his comments have made me pause. There was good reason LA and BC were banned. Let’s leave it at that. We probably don’t even want to know and we should just move on and get back to what this forum is meant for: helping those who are hurting and seeking advice.

[joan]

Harley :) I’ll satisfy your curiosity because I like you the best. I came here maybe a few months ago after having been a reader for years. I felt you and I had the same direct style and I hadn’t seen too many complaints about you. I like to give advice once in a blue moon but even though I started pleasantly, some of my replies to insane questions were getting into the tough love possibly being abrasive category. I was told off and felt I was behaving badly or just being new couldn’t expect to be as understood as you. I took my medicine but felt trouble was brewing. I had a feeling all hell was going to break loose so – curious like yourself, I hopped back for a visit while I had a holiday from work.

Since I feel like being honest, due to this upsetting situation for you all and want none of you feeling uncomfortable and hey – Eric would know who I am :) I will reveal my old username. I was only on for a month maybe but got so cross with several people that are now on the banned list that I left and now it’s all back to serious and people feeling sad, I don’t feel like hanging around again anymore but it’s only fair to be honest – I was fairycake lol – more like a poison cake but I wasn’t a troll or trying to ruin a forum – just a rather too blunt speaking person at times that wanted to help – best of luck all. I will leave you in peace :)

[Harley]

Thanks fairycake.

Good luck with all.

I like John Grisham. The Queen of Tarts has a nice ring to it I think…seeing as I cuss so much…Instead of the King Of Torts !

Ha ha ha ha.

[Kelly/Jessy/Susanne etc.]

[more posts deleted]

[Harley]

Tut…tut…tut..

manners now.

order in the courtroom.

Mr Charles. ..I’d like an answer to my question please.

In the interests of a transparent..unbiased forum going forward. ..where genuine posters can gave there questions answered without fear of possible ongoing attack and targeted comments. …It would be remiss not to try to enforce non discriminatory rules don’t you think.

otherwise. .I forsee a potential problem in that viewers of this site may not feel like their queries shall be taken seriously.

I mean…it’s almost like someone is trying to achieve some sort of result here. ..but IS it to make this a safe haven forum.. hmmm ???

[Eric Charles]

@patty – I had to delete all of Maria’s posts… she posted about 20 posts when this thread was all but settled… she deliberately wanted to stir things up for no reason.

The people I’m banning weren’t trying to solve the problem. They were interested in creating problems. They are banned and that is final.

I’ve been watching the forum and the tone is much better here… no more harsh, cruel, condescending responses to people seeking advice. It’s much better.

@Harley – Yes, I’m banning lots of people… but when a well-known member deliberately wants to create problems, that (to me) is even worse than some troll. It’s sad – because instead of wanting to be part of a solution, they showed that they really just enjoyed conflict. I don’t have time to deal with it and this isn’t the place for it.

I wanted to spend my weekend writing new content, but that’s was blown to hell when I realized I needed to spend the whole weekend babysitting this forum.

And the most destructive people weren’t the troll — it was long time members who acted like they wanted a solution, but really they just wanted to create problems.

These posts have been a thorn in my side. It’s the core members in here, whining and bitching (while only a select few have been helpful — Lane, thank you, SLS, thank you, any others I’ve missed, thank you)…

There are members who actually want to help others… do you know what they were doing this weekend?

They were helping others! Answering their posts, giving good advice, etc.

Do you know what the banned members were doing?

They were like moths to a flame… baiting drama, criticizing me for not solving “the problems” (that they were creating) and distracting me (and other members) from the point of all this… to help other people.

If there’s one thing I know about people who love stirring up trouble on the internet, it’s that…

They can’t help themselves.

I knew that if I left the posts up long enough, the people who were stirring up trouble would come out of the woodwork and show themselves as their true colors. Made my job easy.

I will be implementing more fixes… Rome wasn’t built in a day…

[Eric Charles]

@Lane — A motivated idiot with enough time on their hands can find their way back into a forum again and again.

But do you know what keeps trolls alive?

Reactions… if nobody was feeding this troll with their negative reactions, they would have moved on long ago.

I can do what I can to block them… and some measures haven’t been implemented just yet… but it’s the members that were reacting to the troll that kept them coming back for more.

Do you notice how the “potato head” posts aren’t appearing on any of the other posts, where people just ask their questions and other people answer them? Notice how the trolling isn’t an issue there?

It’s because the vibe in their is what this forum is for… it’s for Q & A on relationship issues. That’s it…

It’s not here to win or lose some personal battle against an internet troll…

The troll isn’t the problem… your reaction to the troll is…

@Raven — I’m right here… Believe it or not, answering questions is kind of why I started the site… not to police nonsense…

[Eric Charles]

@Raven – Like anyone else, I’m doing the best I can in the position I’m in.

I don’t know your life-situation, but I’m certain you don’t know mine either… I do plenty, every day, for a lot of people… it’s a lot of responsibility and it’s incredibly demanding.

I do the best I can…

[Lane]

Eric, in this case I disagree. There was a period of “ignoring” and when she wasn’t getting the response she wanted escalated it to very inflammatory and derogatory language inside OP’s threads that should never be ignored as it hurts the OP and readers who have to read that nastiness and must wonder what the heck this forum about—helping people with dating/relationship issues or women bashing each other.

You will ALWAYS have unsatisfied customers even if the opinions were completely non-abrasive and it actually shocks the contributors when it happens. Thankfully most of them leave without causing any disruption but its the one’s who lurk behind the scenes that never post or provide opinions but the moment an opportunity opens up and they go on the “attack” (appears to be seasonal) they seem to all come flooding in at once and that needs to be locked down asap because when you don’t it just gives them a license to keep doing it and your forum is in disarray for well over week plus—I raised two sons so I KNOW if you give them an inch they will take two miles! :-P

Sadly, babysitting a internet site is a necessary evil if you don’t have the software and/or manpower to monitor it which it appears your trying to fix and its a good step forward to immediately remove malicious content (including spammers) or immediately lock down drama threads that’s disruptive to not only the OP’s threads that get hijacked by it but the forum in general. Can you imagine how much goes into monitoring media and social websites…yikes!

Oh, and can you fix that face feature…it drops down to the bottom of the paragraph and is rather annoying. Thanks!

[Eric Charles]

@Lane — Yeah, I mean… like I said, I’m doing the best I can now… can’t turn back time.

But I hear you and I’m working on it… and I appreciate your contributions and level-headedness through all this.

I am working on getting a “flagging” capability up so that when nonsense starts, a member can flag the offending post and it can be quietly wiped without any escalation.

[Lane]

BTW, you look a lot like my younger son (age 23 next month)…handsome fellows :-)

[Harley]

Mr Charles. .how come you have not taken down the nasty comments about me ?

Also…It will be interesting to see if I start posting on threads again…shall I be harassed again ???

I make these observations in the interest of your site going onward.

[Eric Charles]

@Harley – Like I said, I’m doing the best I can…

I took down maria’s because she had flooded the forum with 20+ posts… I’ve removed a few other posts here and there, but mainly I’m just waiting on the next phase of rolling out solutions here.

It involves programming and my tech team is already loaded up, so it will happen as soon as it can, but it can’t happen immediately.

[SLS]

Okay since I started the thread I’ll try to officially do the honors and close it. Everyone have a wonderful day, thanks for playing, and maybe go give some good advice on one of the other threads !! :-)

[Eric Charles]

@SLS – Don’t worry, you’re not on my radar.

Maria, on the other hand got banned. I think that Lizz has been upset in this thread, but I’m not looking to ban her.

The only “issue” I see happening in this forum is, well, these threads that just don’t seem to die.

Everyone else is generously, compassionately and eagerly helping OPs with their questions… without any of the poisonous, unnecessary venom that used to be so prevalent here. The “tough love” as some people called it.

If that’s “tough love”, then I’m happy it’s gone from here. It was nothing but repugnance that drove newcomers away and dramatically stunted the growth of the community.

The only reason I haven’t closed this thread was that it was a magnet for the drama-seekers who couldn’t help but expose themselves as the troublemakers. Made my job easier.

Anyway… more fixes to come, but you guys don’t have to worry.

SLS, you’re fine.

Lizz, you’re fine.

Lane, you’re fine.

Harley, you’re fine.

This thread can die now unless anyone else wants to discuss the RULES that you’d like in place for the forum.

To respond to one of the posters regarding a forced, fixed username — no, I won’t be forcing a fixed username, but I will add some safeguards against deliberate trolling.

[Author]

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