Did he lose interest? Help!


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  • #885147 Reply
    Sara

    I have been dating this guy since February, for the first two months everything was fine he initiated contact and dates but when he got super busy at work he stopped planning dates but used to text me everyday throughout the day and call me once or twice a week until now. 3 weeks ago we had a talk (initiated by me) about what we felt for each other where he said that he liked me a lot and he could be himself around me and liked me having around him and wants to see me more and talk more but he was a bit scared of commitment as he has been hurt in the past. His last relationship was of 4 years. Since the talk he has been acting a bit distant and is taking hours to reply texts, sometimes even 12/13 hours but he does initiate most of the texts. When I told him that he takes long time to reply he answer was “I know, but it’s not the best period for me and I am too tired to drive a conversation but you could to do that” . He is allergic to pollen and says that is making him sleepy and exhausted all the time.
    I haven’t seen in two weeks, I asked him to meet on Sunday and he said he will let me know and today is Sunday and he hasn’t confirmed yet.
    I don’t understand what to do, I have been giving him space, I don’t text often unless he texts me.

    #885220 Reply
    Maddie

    He is not ready to commit, and it has nothing to do with you. He’s not dealing with his own issues or taking responsibility for himself (“I am working a bunch and have allergies and have baggage I didn’t deal with and you are NOT my girlfriend but why don’t you compensate for my distance by putting in all the effort?”). A lot of dating situations change around the 2-4 month mark. That’s the time people often decide if they want to commit or start playing games and getting into power struggles if they don’t want a relationship but want to keep you on the hook. Unfortunately, I’d start moving on. At best he’ll get scared and pull it together for you, but if you’re looking for a serious relationship you don’t want a guy motivated by fear or laziness, you want one who is ready and excited to commit to you. This early in, the guy should still be on his next behavior, and his best behavior is wishy-washy. It’ll only get worse from here if you stick around and let him make excuses for his own lack of agency.

    #885221 Reply
    Maddie

    *best behavior, not next behavior

    #885230 Reply
    Lane

    Unfortunately, you met a guy who is ‘just dating’ to see what’s out there. In a nutshell, he is seeking temporary companionship but is not in the mindset to make any form of commitment.

    You need to learn how to weed out these guys from the get go, date 1, so you don’t find yourself in these situations. You do this by asking a couple soft, then a tough question to determine where he’s at such as: “What’s you favorite sport?” (soft) “How many siblings do you have?” (soft) “How long was you’re last relationship, and when did it end?” (tough). You CLEARLY LISTEN to what his answer is such as “We were together for four years, and broke up a few months ago.” A SMART WOMEN would end the date quickly and walk away from Mr. Rebound. Anyone who’s still in breakup territory (for every 5 years, need at least 1 – 2 years to recover) you simply don’t mess with.

    If their answer shows they haven’t been in a relationship for awhile (not in Breakup territory) ask a couple more soft questions such as “What’s your favorite sport?” (soft) What’s your favorite Hobby?” (soft) “What are you dating for?” Any answer that isn’t along the lines of “I’m looking for the right woman” then you drop them because if its anything along the lines of “I’m just seeing what’s out there” which in man code means “I’m just dating willy nilly, and going to waste your time because I’m bored sitting at home” A SMART woman walks away.

    If a man is looking for something ‘real’ (a relationship) only then should you ask the FINAL question. Again, a couple soft questions such as “How many siblings do you have?” (soft) How close are you to your family?” (soft) “What are your thoughts about marriage?” Very very carefully listen to this answer because if its not anything along the lines of “I’m ready to settle down, and start a family” its a STOP wasting your time dating the wrong guys.

    If a man isn’t ready to commit, he’ll tell you but you have to open up the lines of communication by getting him to talk about where he’s at emotionally so you don’t waste weeks going nowhere. He knew from day 1 it wasn’t going anywhere but he was missing the companionship, so you, and many other ladies are just filling his void until such time he’s fully over the ex, and ready (year or more?) for something real.

    #885242 Reply
    Sophia

    I’m sorry but it sounds like he fading out since the conversation. Everybody’s been hurt at some point if they’ve dated and broken up. That’s not a reason to not commit if you really want to. He also seems to have a lot of excuses for not seeing or even contacting you. If this isn’t a good time for him then you’ve no choice but to move on to someone who does want a commitment.

    #885228 Reply
    Keira

    What do you want out of this and why do you need him to reply? When you answer these questions you’ll be able to figure it out. If it’s consistency and relationship you might wanna date some more guys to have variation and not get attached to this one who isn’t 100% there. If it’s casual, nothing to worry you go on with your life and when re inititiates you decide what to do. Just stop reaching out. I started applying this rule if both sides aren’t hell yeah to meet and get to know each other, I let it die zero effort. You can’t force anyone to date you if they don’t feel it. And this commitment phobia is a myth, invented to make us women more understanding it’s total bulls***. If this guy truly liked you, he’ll be stepping up his game so don’t settle for his crap.

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