Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › 3 months texts and have not yet met!?
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Sherri.
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Anna
Hi there. I really hope that you can help me with this because IT has been doing my head in.
I have met a guy online we are both 22 years old and live in the same city. We started talking in mid December. A few days after we started talking he went back to his home country for a few weeks but still we messaged everyday and for hours on end during the day. He said that he is Looking forward to meeting me when he is back in town as was i. When he came back we still texted every day he has hold me that he was usually shy. We had set up a day to finally meet although it took awhile for that. The day before we had to meet I was waiting for a text to confirm that we would be meeting but I got nothing just a hey how are you text late in the day which was unsul because we usually talked kinda first thing in the morning so I told him that if he didn’t want to put the effort then maybe it’s best if we didn’t meet. He said that he doesn’t usually plan things ahead. So we didn’t end up meeting. But still texted every day and from time to time talk on the phone. He was away from town and again talked every day and promised to meet but once back there was nothing! We both have very busy lives but sometimes he has nights In and does nothin other night he just goes to dinner with friends so I think that at least one of those nights in the past 3 months he could have devoted to meeting me but he says that meeting his friends is a quick thing and he doesn’t want that with me. I went off on him a few days ago via text because I was so sick of it. He had texted that he’s relaxing and will meet friends later and i texted him saying oh lucky people for whom you actually devote a few hours of your life for and he replied that I was passive aggressive and that he doesn’t want to meet me like that. After that we had a text conversation and calmed down and he said that he does still want to meet but he never makes any spacific plan for it! Ever since out argument his text have been getting less and less and to be honest I haven’t been making an effort as well because im just kinda sick of it. It’s been 3 months and we text every day but never made a specific plan. What do you think? Am I wasting my time? Should I just stop responding to his text or should I just continue on with it?Khadija
Hello Anna,
This sounds like such a waste of your time. I don’t think he plans on meeting you ever.
Some of these online guys just like to chit chat and play games.
No one is that busy, move on and stop being strung along.Anna
Should I just stop responding to texts? It sucks because I feel like I’ve invested 3 months into a lie…
JC
I had a guy who I texted for a month and he still had not made any plans to meet me so I stopped rresponding to his texts. But he then found me on Facebook and instagram and I still ignored him. If he is that shy then he shouldn’t be dating. He doesn’t want to put in the effort so move on.
redcurleysue
Hi Anna,
Just tell him you don’t have time to meet him and since that is unfair to him you don’t want to continue communication.
Raven
Anna,
For all you know, this guy is a fat, hairy, transvestite named Haugistine living in his Auntie Raven’s basement…In other words, yes – after 3 months you are wasting your time…
MissDay
I bet if you went no contact on tis guy he’d step up and actually set up a meet up. And if he doesn’t next! Hopefully you’ve still been seeing others in the meantime. As the other ladies mentioned this guy is a time waster. He may step up if you just stop contacting/responding.. but he may not. Try NC and see what he does and date others as I get a bad feeling with this one.
Janet
Anna, Google e-tethering. Give this guy no more of your time. You did not waste your time, you learned a valuable lesson, if they do not meet you within a week or two they are time wasters. You know for next time.
Raven – you made me laugh out loud!! Soooo funny xxx
Anna
His message explaining himself;
Maybe passive aggressive was the wrong word. But meeting these friends is a quick thing, they live near me and it’s often spontaneous when I’m supposed to be working. Not that that’s an excuse but I don’t want to just quickly meet you if its for the first time.And I did genuinely want to meet you. My life’s been turned upside down for the past few months and I’ve never been this busy. That being said I’ve tried meeting with you and have suggested times and then you couldn’t make it. You’re also very busy and it’s not easy to find a time that works for both of us. I also don’t see why you can’t suggest meeting on a specific time but I guess that’s just my opinion. And I did genuinely want to meet you. My life’s been turned upside down for the past few months and I’ve never been this busy. That being said I’ve tried meeting with you and have suggested times and then you couldn’t make it. You’re also very busy and it’s not easy to find a time that works for both of us. I also don’t see why you can’t suggest meeting on a specific time but I guess that’s just my opinion. And no I’m not 40. I’m 43. But all kidding aside Im 22, turning 23 soon and I have no girlfriend. If you want to know I broke up with my girlfriend in early September and have been single since because I didn’t know where my life was gonna take me..: which it turns out is the us, changing lots of things tooAnd honestly I don’t see how you feel like the person I only talk to on trips. In the past few months I’ve not talked to anyone more than you. I’m happy to continue talking because I enjoy it but if you feel that way then maybe it’s not the best thing to do. It was honestly not my intention to make you feel that way and I apologize for the times where I said we could meet and didn’t. I’ve just never been someone to plan too far ahead so sometimes it’s difficultLane
Hi Anna.
Honestly, this man is never going to “step up” and you will be constantly frustrated by his lack of action and giving out excuse after excuse. If you want a TEXT BUDDY then continue to text, but if you want to date real live people then stop allowing him to WASTE your time.
I think you need to work on your self-esteem here. A confident woman who doesn’t settle for scraps wouldn’t have given this guy a lick of attention. You have no boundaries and when a person doesn’t have boundaries it allows people to take advantage of you. This man is thinking, wow this girl is so desperate for attention she’ll talk to a guy for several months and all I have to do is feed her some words to get her tethered without having to lift a finger.
You CALLED HIM OUT, he turns it around on you and continues to makes excuses and here you are gobbling them up! I highly suggest you stop talking to him, work on your self-esteem, set some boundaries and get out this bad texting habit with guys because its not healthy when you allow a device and some typed words to control you this way.
redcurleysue
Text him back and tell him to ask you out on a date for either this Saturday, or the following Sunday or the following Friday (you choose 3 different days and times that you are available). Tell him you need to know by tomorrow afternoon because you want to have these times also available for other things but are not planning anything on them until tomorrow afternoon.
See what happens.
Sensy
He has showed he has no intention of it going anywhere whether you two met or not. Think he is just playing you.
Sensy
Lane gave you really good advice. Hope you take it in.
Anna
So me thinking that he is just shy is bullshit and I shouldn’t think that it’s my fault? Thank you everyone I think that you’ve summed up the situation but I do have very bad self esteem issues as well
Anna
Also do I just stop responding all together or slowly drift away?
Lagirl
Anna
It’s a waste of time… Just stop responding.Some men just like attention and have no intent on meeting up or moving forward. Never waste time texting for months … If you can’t meet him in person within a few weeks, then move on. You got emotionally attached to a person you haven’t even met.
Lagirl
By the way.. Women do this too. Years ago I met a man at a gym when I was traveling for business. We exchanged numbers and he kept in touch. Sometimes I gave him tons of attention, and other times I would give crumbs. This went on for two years.. He kept asking me when we could see each other again. We would make plans and I would find an excuse and bail.
I was even in his city again for business and lied and told him the trip got cancelled. Why? Because I liked the attention but wasn’t looking to really date him or be with him.
If I texted him today.. He would jump like a trained puppy.
Don’t be a puppy.
Sherri
Yep, I’ve to agree too I’ve done this as I liked the attention. That’s why I recognize when guys do this to me n cut it off right away.
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