why are we feeling this way?

Disorganized attachment usually seeks constant validation. So distance will either trigger anxiety to reconnect or numbness and disconnection. Both are different types of defense mechanisms against loss and abandonment. Once you get in your own heads, negative self-talk can lead to feeling like the other person won’t stay interested in you if they really knew you because you’re not enough. This isn’t true, of course, but in response you either need proof of interest or you may want distance to keep from feeling as attached because it’ll theoretically hurt less if you get left behind. What you’re both feeling comes from fear.

It’s also kind of a problem with object permanence, that if something isn’t in front of you then maybe it’ll change or leave, based on earlier life experiences.

Since the issue you’re experiencing stems from BOTH distrust of self and distrust of others, both of you will need to work out a combination of what schedule works enough for you to see each other (as you said, maybe adding in Skype Thursdays) AND to work on feeling comfortable on your own (ie if you don’t see each other all week, that’s okay, time apart doesn’t mean the connection is gone… you’re enough just as you are, you deserve to be happy, the other shoe isn’t about to drop, everything is okay). If you only address one side (how to interact with each other more often) or the other (feeling good about yourself when apart), it won’t totally fix it, it needs to be both parts. It’s important to build yourself up so you feel just as comfortable being alone and apart yet still connected as you are when you’re together and still connected. Which means leaning into feeling good about yourself, doing activities that make you feel strong and confident days you don’t see each other, building trust together over time that you can coexist apart on some days without it affecting the connection. The more stable and secure you feel in your own identity, the better you’ll show up for each other and connect together, and the better you’ll feel whether you’re physically together or apart.

Why is this happening – because as you said, you are both disorganized attachment styles. I honestly believe if you two are serious about each other and having this work out, it’s time to get yourselves into counseling together and separately. I know you get relief and support here but again if I’m honest posting here is only a plaster on the wounds, which comes off quickly. You’re going in circles and not getting to the root of the issues. Strangers on the internet can sympathize but cannot truly empower you to solve this problem. Your relationship will not last nor will it bring either of you any real happiness unless you’re both willing to do the work. What will happen sooner or later is one of you will do something wacky to push the other away. And then you’ll be off in a toxic cycle of pain/apologize and make-up/pain/apologize and make-up and so on and so on. It’s actually abusive.

You know I’m in your corner P. I hope you two will go tackle this with someone IRL. Hugs.