This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Raven 5 months, 2 weeks ago.
May 7, 2020 at 1:33 pm #790612
Hi! So this whole thing is kinda awkward for me, I don’t usually write to forums, especially not in topics like this, BUT. This is gonna be veeery long…
Like 2,5 years ago, I started to play az online game which my sister also plays, I got into the community she was already in for years. And there was a nice guy, who was always a bit weird, but I thought he was kind, he really is a loveable person. These years went by and we remained online mates, had fun etc. We had a huge gathering last summer with the other players. I’m kinda sure he was looking at me through his sunglasses from the other half of the table (I feel things like this), but, maybe this is just imagination.
But, last summer, couple weeks after the gathering, I noticed he kinda disappeared from game, and didn’t react to anything. So I decided to text him on FB. He wasn’t too talkative at the start but finally I started to drag things out of him. It turned out, he is in a depressed state, and it was because of something I said ingame. He said it didn’t hurt him, just made him realize, how other people may see him, and he thinks it’s a beginning of him, changing, so he was thankful(??). I was broken, that I hurt him and I told him. He said it’s okay, and that is where we started really talking. About everything, literally. About his past, his family (father problems), his school years, his feelings about himself. He’s very broken because of some bad relationships and cheatings. And he thinks he is not good for anyone, that he isn’t a nice person, he doesn’t deserve other people’s love and acceptance, he’s ugly, fat etc… He really poured out his heart to me. So did I, to comfort him. I also lived through some bad things and I see myself the way as he sees himself..
We chatted for a month, like nonstop, about everything. And I told him I like him. I wasn’t too romantic, just wanted him to know. I asked, if it disturbs him (I know, who asks something like this?!), he said “what the hell, ofc not”. But thats all, no “I like you too”.
A really small group we become, with him, my sister and another girl from the game. We are not really communicating ingame now, just on FB and Discord, but on Discord very often, and we play another game now. Our whole group is about teasing each other, but in a nice way, having fun. Sometimes we tell each other those intimate stupid jokes, all four of us, so I don’t think when he tells me something like that is special, he does tell these to the others too. But I think I noticed, that he treats me differently then the others. I’ve read almost everything about this “how do you know a guy likes you” thing, but still I’m confused. His voice is kinda different when he is talking to me on Discord, he was never rude to me, but it happened with others before. We both started a diet because both of us are a little overweight, and we started working out, we always tell each other about our pains and results. He’s talking to me on FB, but it’s not that instant responding thing. We have a group chat with the others, we talk there all day, and not that much in private messages.
I really don’t know why, but I can feel if he’s down. I always text him immediately if I feel that, and he knows that, sometimes he says he’s thankful, he’s bad with words tho :). He’s kinda busy all day, doing something, maybe that is why he doesn’t answer me immediately, idk. Sometimes he does. Generally it’s me, starting the chat, sometimes not. He gave me access to his streaming platform account, but he did to his ex, who she doesn’t like anymore…weird.
Some time ago, I started sending him good night gifs, now and then, he always replied. And a week ago he sent me one first. A burning heart, at that, but maybe that’s not important, we are cat fans, we send cat related gifs more often, sometimes hearts… Since that, couple times he sent me the first gif. I feel like, when he is rude-joking, wich we are totally okay with, he is avoiding telling anything funny-inappropriate about me. With my sister and the other girl, they are always teasing, but with me, he is different. I don’t know if it’s a good or a bad sign. He teases me too, but differently. When there’s just the two of us on Discord, waiting for the others, he always asks about my day, even remembering what troubled me the day before!!! (exams, etc.), then telling me about his day. If I’m struggling with something, I think he tries to help, if he can (?). There was a time we talked about the gathering last summer, and about a guy who was there, rubbing his knees to mine while sitting next to me. All of us laughed about it, because I told I’m not interested an I felt weird. He didn’t laugh. Remained silent the whole time! Maybe these are girl stuff, that’s why. Maybe not?
We were talking about having a small get together in August. I can’t wait to see him again. I told my sister how I feel about him, and she thinks he likes me. She said he’s telling me things he never told her, or anybody else, when something happens, like a private stuff, I’m the first to know (like once, his friend visited him because he broke up with his gf, and my guy just sent me a pic of them, drinking wine, and it seemed like, he just wanted me to know what he is doing). I don’t know if she’s right or not. This whole thing is very complicated. Sometimes I feel like I’m special to him, but sometimes not really.
Very interesting is, that when I’m very cute with him, he reacts weird. Not in a rejective way, just when you don’t know how to react to something. And there are times, when after I’m sweet, he acts weird for days. Like, not really talking to me on Discord, in the group chat not really reacting to what I say, like if he’s avoiding me. The other day, in the morning I started a silly conversation with him, and while we texted he sent me a morning pic of himself in bed, with a very sleepy face :) He was extremely cute. I was still in bed, I sent him a pic too. He reacted with a heart. We texted for a short time, the the day went by. And that evening, on Discord, and the next day, he was weird. Not really reacting to me, maybe it’s me, overreacting, idk. I’m very confused. He said several times that my new profile pic is so cute, and months before he said to one of my old pics, that it’s hot and things like this…then there’s this situation, when he kinda ignores me. I don’t get it. Maybe he’s feeling awkward? Because he knows I like him but he doesn’t like me the same way and doesn’t know how to tell me without hurting me? Or he likes me, and he’s very shy, that’s why he’s acting like this? He shows that he’s confident and all, but sometimes joking about himself being a wreck, and in a way he is, I know that, he admitted to me. It’s just a mask, and he’s not okay on the inside. That is why I think he is shy, and he can’t imagine, somebody likes him. I thought about many things that could bother him. Maybe the age gap, he is 28, I’m 21. We live 200 km apart from each other. I’m studying, he’s working. Or he just doesn’t like me.. My sister thinks it’s not a big deal, we could solve these things if he likes me.
He’s single for 4-5 years, I never had anyone before, actually this is the second time I feel like this, first time I was rejected, in a very nasty way.. I can’t even imagine how this whole thing could work. But I’m sure I feel something about him. Maybe this is just general love, like with anyone who is important in your life. Maybe more.
My sister and my best friend says when we meet again in person, everything will be clear, whether there are sparks or not. I don’t know. The first time we met, nothing happened. But, I could tell he was extremely shy, because of all the people around. He’s an introvert, like me. Generally, he can be nice to everyone, and it’s not rare he is! I’m not sure if him, being nice to me means anything at all, or he’s just polite and sees me only as a friend.
Last night I was in a bad mood, he felt, but said nothing. Today I sent him something silly, he laughed, then said (in his weird way) that it’s good I feel okay now :) Ultra cute.
So..I don’t want clear answers, because maybe there aren’t any. I’d just like to know others opinions too. What do you think, should I keep up, or just let it go and be friends with him? I think I’m desperate :( This is the first time something could turn out good, but I’m afraid . I feel like a teenage girl, so annoying.
Phew, too long, sorry. Thank you if you read and even share your thoughts :)May 7, 2020 at 2:55 pm #790616
What exactly are you trying to get out of this? You have met him once right? So essentially he is a stranger and it doesn’t look like that is going to change anytime soon. Long distance relationships are hard enough when the relationship is established but in your case there isn’t even anything close to approaching a romantic connection? I don’t even see any flirting or trying to get closer to you in that way from him. Just seems like an online-buddies type of thing to me.
Now that can be fun and distracting sure but it can also keep you from finding someone in real life.
I think you are wasting your time. Stay friendly with him (i mean why not), but focus your energies on connecting with guys closer to you and in person.May 7, 2020 at 3:35 pm #790619
I am in social games and have many ‘good friends’ i have never met who confided in me and others just about anything. If i can say one thing about social gamers, they lack something in real life (which was also the case for me). Anyway, in your case, first you are acting like nurse nightingale in all your attempts to feel his mood, cheer him up etc etc. I can tell you one thing about guys: they dont marry the ones that supported him but the hot new neighbour. So stop being so dam nice. You have one task in this world for now: take care and love yourself.
Second, 200 km is not that far to at least meet without having to wait for the gathering. Trust me, most guys are not that shy to ask a girl out (some are), but you can be totally right about him going through issues. So not being good dating material. The endresult in this case is the same: he creates a romantic vibe digital but absolutely has zero actions so far to see you. That is a big clue for you. He is not interested in seeing you. Thats the most important sign to see if a guy likes you. Dont neglect really big signs. Its ok to have a crush and see how the gathering goes, but downsize your expectations drastically. You Have a penpal. Thats it. You think i ever met of those ‘good friends’ from the games i played? Nope zeroMay 7, 2020 at 3:51 pm #790620
This is all in your head- Sorry…