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- This topic has 12 replies and was last updated 4 years ago by
Lane.
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M
So my ex and I have been back in contact for a few weeks. He’ll say his “heys” and “what are you doing”… we’ll chat back and forth for a minute… flirt here and there. It’s been positive, albeit a little lacking on his end. Although I rarely reply right away, I always reply, which makes me think maybe I’m giving the impression of being too available. These are strange times for us all and I don’t know how to proceed forward. A few days ago, we texted back and forth a few times. He asked what I was doing and I sent a cute picture to show him 20 minutes later. Three days later, I get a reply saying “I never saw these… that he was looking through his text conversations and saw that he’d never replied. That could be true, but I also know he’s been on his phone… and how do you not see a new text come tthrough. I understand that I’m not the top of the priority list at the moment abs he could also be having lots of text conversations as he is single. I don’t know whether to give him the benefit of the doubt and say no problem.. have a good week…. or just ignore for the time being. I’d like for my value to increase in his eyes and for him to miss me instead of being readily available.
kaye
So why did you break up? How long ago? And how long were you together?
For now I would just ignore his response. Let him initiate. Mundane texting is not the way to get him to miss you.
Tallspicy
When I am texting others and a text comes in, I miss something that someone sent.
That said, what do you want from him? Friends or to get back?
M
He was unhappy with life, stressed with work, etc.
It’s been an on and off relationship for the past couple of years. It’s always been him that comes back and for the most part, I’ve been available to start things up.
I am trying to get out there for myself and date/meet people.
Newbie
Wanting your value go up in his eyes actually shows you will accept just about anything. You need to know your value and be the best version of that. And you do that with not accepting breadcrums from on and off lovers, going back to texting but wait a few hours. Not playing to be unavaible. If a guy doesnt deserve your time and attention and this shows just that, its time to say goodbye and move on.
Tallspicy
On and off is always a euphemism for a relationship that should be off. Either because you are a poor match or there are not so great relationship skills. I feel curious as to which one it is here.
kaye
Being unhappy with life or stressed at work isn’t a reason to break off a relationship…unless the relationship is contributing to your stress! If you are going to be a partner with someone where there is an actual future you want them to turn TO YOU when times get tough and stressful and not AWAY FROM YOU! Besides how do you think it makes someone feel if they’re disposable whenever life gets tough? My husband and I have been married for several years now and have gone through 3 deaths in our immediate family during that time, his mother’s heart surgery, the death of dogs he’s had for 15-2- years, the stress of owning our own business and continuing to build it, trying to keep up multiple properties we own, him having to learn how to be a step dad to my kids, and multiple other bumps along the way. What kind of partner would he have been if he had left when things got hard? With the new information you have given I would tell him you need some time to yourself, and go no contact. Let him deal with his unhappiness, his stress, etc on his own just as he’s chosen. Do your part to move on and meet new people. He gave up his ability to have you as his shoulder to cry on when he dumped you!
kaye
That should be 20 years.
Alice
I woudln’t reply to his late response. And when he texts you again to see what you’re doing, say “why so curious all the time?”. Some dudes need to be put on the spot.
He sounds bored like the rest of the world is right now, guard your heart babe.
Zoe
You never miss a response from a person you love and miss.
WOULD YOU?
Stop initiating at allM
Agreed! I didn’t respond.
And judging by what I just scrolled past on his social media, I’m honestly turned all the way off at this point. Some joke about him being single and quarantined.
Honestly, I do care for the guy and I don’t think he’s over me either, but…
Time to ignore and block.Ellie
“It’s been an on and off relationship for the past couple of years. It’s always been him that comes back and for the most part, I’ve been available to start things up.”
– This, on its own, is NOT a good sign. There are guys who treat gals like a “transit lounge”. They go to them when there’s no other option out there… then when there’s a new interest, off they go again, and the cycle repeats. He always comes to you doesn’t mean he still likes you. It’s because you’re always there.
My ex did the same to me. I was a naive 20yo in my first serious relationship. For the first few times he came back I thought he must still like me and want to patch back, but no, he would come back to me for brief moments and disappear again. One day I found out that during the periods he disappeared he was actually with other women, and the periods he came to me were those when he was single. I was just someone to fill those days of loneliness for him. When I tried to cut him off he got nasty with me, but I cut him off anyway.
So do yourself a favour and move on. Don’t let him disrupt your life again.
Lane
Like they say “a form of insanity is doing the same thing over, and over, and over again, yet expecting a different result.”
There is a pattern of no results so why stay on the hamster wheel going nowhere with this guy? He’s bored, he knows how to get you back in his good graces only when he needs you because there’s no one else he can play with, and then finds a way to dispose of you when his needs are being met elsewhere. Either end the insanity or stay on the wheel—-wash, rinse, repeat. Choice is yours.
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