What should I do, I’m just feeling confused!

@Raven, so yesterday we finished having sex and after I wanted some ice cream, I actually wanted to share a bowl with him , so he tells me that it’s ok that he will have his in a separate bowl , so I went to the kitchen serve myself come back to the room and asked him if he wants some , he is like no, why didn’t you serve me the one that I like? (Which is his fav flavor) I thought we were going to share, he was like, I will have mine, So I told him I will get it for you, he was like no I will get it.

And thereby tells me that I am selfish that I have to think of others, blah blah….gets upset, go gets his ice cream, comes to the room grabs his mobile and goes to the other room in the house, puts a movie and he even stayed to sleep there.and left me alone in our room.(he has done this a couple times when supposedly he can’t sleep well. “So he “wont wake me up”.

Is this recent behavior or has he been like this since a couple months into relationship? If this has been going on for a while, I would seriously consider bouncing. If this is recent, then there is some kind if reason, so ask him what it is, why he is being on the edge.

I hope the example you gave was a bad one because I would be irritated with you too. OK, I agree he handled it in a childish way, but he said he didn’t want to share and you brought back a bowl to share. I broke up with an ex because over and over he did little things that showed he either didn’t listen to me, didn’t care what I wanted or was controlling. I was never sure which it was but it drove me so nuts I couldn’t stand to be around him any longer and stopped trying to work it out.

Do you have any better examples?

I agree with everything Tallspicy says, but apart from that you sound totally incompatible. “I actually wanted to share a bowl with him”. Why? I guess you felt it would give some cozy togetherness feeling but honestly, I’d find sharing a bowl instead of having one each irritating.

But, look, he’s categorizing you. Labeling you selfish, and immature.

So he thinks you are deficient. and he is better. I get it.

Hes got himself up on a pedestal and you can’t do anything right.

He can get his own dam ice cream. Then he punished you by retreating to another room over ice cream.

Been there, babe. Narcissist.

Immediately I got the sense that what is going on here, is that he is dealing with something that is making him insecure about himself. Is there someone else in his life, that is putting pressure on him, which he is taking out on you? If not, maybe it’s himself?

Secondly, I also got that he might have lost his sense of self identity, or that he is being “smothered.” Not that you mean to do this, or that you have any ill intent, but, instead, just that emotions are really confusing, and we are all a lot more sensitive to them than we’d like to admit, even to ourselves.

However, more importantly, “right” and “wrong,” “good” and “bad,” are often times very relative. It’s sort of silly to me, when people engage in a kind of competition, to see who can “out-good” the other one. That’s nonsense. So, if you genuinely aren’t doing anything that harms him, yourself, either of your well-beings, then I’d maybe guess maybe you’re not doing anything wrong. Maybe, nobody is doing anything wrong? Sure, we might do things that are insensitive at times, but is that necessarily wrong to do? Not that it is ever “right,” but that, again, emotions are difficult, and we are all humans, who make silly mishaps and the like. We don’t ever mean harm, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t someone, who inevitably feels hurt, by something that we did or said, even when we never meant any harm at all.

as for the ice cream incident, I’m guessing it’s a lot less about the ice cream, and probably something else to do, with something that was said or done by you, that is still affecting him. Something that he (and you) needs to keep in mind, is that nobody (besides me probably – I joke) is a mind reader. If something is on his mind, and same for you, you cannot sit around and wait, hope, or expect, that the other person, is going to bring it up. More often than not, we are completely oblivious to these things, and would have never brought them up at all. Why is this? Again, because very few people ever actually mean to intentionally cause or inflict harm, pain, or suffering on someone else. Being that it never had crossed your mind to hurt him, it’s also not going to cross your mind, that you did anything that perhaps may have been insensitive, or had hurt his feelings.

Honestly, if throwing “selfish” at you is the worst he did, then, no, he still cares very much about you. You might not believe in its accuracy, and that’s perfectly fine, because it would be a very large over exaggeration.I’m sure that what he means is, “right now in this moment” or “that time that you hurt my feelings, you were being selfish,” etc. It’s not fair to say hurtful things like, “you’re selfish,” because we immediately react to each and every which way possible, that we could be being selfish, or at least perceived that way. Isolating incidents, discussing them, and reaching an understanding, of why things hurt our feelings.

Again, it’s not a discussion of who was hurt when and how, because that’s already been made clear. You don’t need to relieve the painful details, or be reminded of every last bit that hurt you. Instead, understanding within ourselves, why things others do hurt us, falls on us. That is our job, to figure out. Then, it becomes our job, to inform others, as to why what they did, hurt in the way that it did. All you’re doing, is communicating the ways in which things made you feel. It’s not accusations of intentions or motives, but, instead, it’s just giving the inside scoop, if you will, on what’s going on in our minds. It’s unreasonable for a rational person to enjoy or want to be in an uncomfortable state of confusion or pain. It’s much more reasonable, to reach conclusions about things, to have resolution, not compromise. That’s such a petty way of saying I’m not going to budge because I care much more about my ego and how my feelings were hurt than I do about someone else’s feelings. It says much more about how you care about someone’s feelings than it does anything else, and often, that’s what hurts the most; Use that to help fix things, not as a weapon. We don’t hurt the things we love.