This topic contains 14 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Lane 4 weeks ago.
July 11, 2020 at 2:08 am #795980
My man has told me the most confusing thing last night and I just want to know some opinions on it.
The night before we were together at his place and everything was well, even better than it has been lately actually. We were cuddling, watching movies talking about life and ended the night making love. The mext morning i woke up and we had breakfast together and went to work. While i was at work he sent me a message asking me about if there’s any other guy interested in me at work. I told him there was a guy from another department back in march. But that’s dealt with. Then he asked me “And outside of work?” I responded with the guy friend of a friend of mine that asked for my phone number. (It’s nothing he doesn’t know already.) I wondered why he was questioning me about this and I did ask but he didn’t reply back so I let it go.
Evening came and I was at my place and he told me he’s heading out with his brother in law. We chatted by text every now and then as usual. Then he told me this and got me confused. He said “You give me bad vibes” with a sad emoji. I asked him how he meant. But he did not respond. Hours later I got sleepy and told him goodnight. And he responded with goodnight.
I woke up this morning and he use to text me when he gets home after a night out but I didn’t hear from him. I sent him a good morning text and said I hope he got home safe. I’m waiting for him to respond/wake up because i want to open a conversation about what he said. In the meantime can anyone decipher what could make him tell me this? I dont know why this bugs me so much but it does.
My thoughts are, to me it sounds like he doesn’t trust me? We have been together a year. I’m always informing him of what I do or where i go, just sweetly telling him about my day and when i go to places and who’s with me etc and so does he. I am an open book. So i don’t think I’ve ever given him any reason to not trust me. Any idea?July 11, 2020 at 7:21 am #795998
He sounds jealous and insecure. Without cause. I wouldnt tolarate this kind of questioning when im at work where things are implied but not outspoken. I would flat ask if he doesnt trust me and why. In person not via text. And absolutely not be worried about him. This is him not you. He has to fix itJuly 11, 2020 at 8:01 am #796003
Thank you so much for responding.
He told me “Maybe because you’re pretty and I expect these situations” but then he said ” Lately the vibe just don’t feel right.” And in my head I’m like what? Lately things gas been way better in fact.
I thank you for your response because i do realize that this really has nothing to do with me. And I told him so politely.
I guess the next question now is how do you handle trust issues and insecurities in a partner?July 11, 2020 at 8:08 am #796004
I never had to deal with that. I can only say i would have low tolerance for a guy like that. To me it has a manipulative side where you are in the position to reassure him over and over. I tell my man from time to time he is my stud and he gloats really all over the place if i do. I think thats healty. Thats why i would sit him down and be really tough in that i dont tolerate those implied accusations and he can go if thats the mindset he wants to have.
You can judge this the best. Jealousy often comes with a controlling nature. You can view that whole packageJuly 11, 2020 at 8:34 am #796006
Women rally need to stop sharing everything with their man especially if it has to do with other men.
I would have answered no, because once a guy has an image in their head, its difficult for them to get it out haha. Seriously, they are bigger white elephants than we are!
I learned this lesson when I was married to my ex-husband, in about our 4th year of marriage. He asked me about a guy as he had heard something from someone else. I told him it was nothing, yet it continued to bug him, and kept pestering me about it! It got to the point where I told him, in a very direct, serious, no-nonsense tone “that if you don’t trust me, then there is no us! I will pack my bags, and take the kids back to the States (we were stationed in England at the time) because I will not stay in this marriage if you can’t trust me.” He knew I meant it, ended the interrogation, and never brought it again in the 20+ years we were married.
On the flip side, it could be that he’s guilty of something? He could very well be trying to make YOU look like the guilty person, when its really him. Is he the one really hiding something but projecting it on you so to allay his own guilt?
I wouldn’t pussyfoot around it. Get to the bottom of it by asking him how he all of sudden came to ask these questions or feel this way? If he said it was just *a feeling*, then I think he’s the one who may be hiding something because men don’t have strong intuition, like ladies do, where they operate more on facts; something they’ve seen, are seeing, or heard, for it to come out of the blue like that. I would also ask if he’s hiding something because you find it really odd that he’s bringing this up now, as oftentimes, the guilty party tries to deflect their cheating by accusing the other of it.
Have a frank and honest discussion with him about it, because if you try to avoid it, like cancer, it will grow into a bigger problem if you don’t nip it in the bud now. Just talk to him, and try to gain some clarity as to what’s going on with him, as he may be trying to lead you to breakupville because he’s the one who isn’t being trustworthy?July 11, 2020 at 11:36 am #796014
Its nice of you to share yourself like that with him and that means he shouldnt have insecurities.a girl like you is a prime real estate who can attract attention from the outside world and he should consider himself lucky to have you.
If he has a problem with something about you he should just come clear and say itJuly 11, 2020 at 11:38 am #796015
I agree with laine.
But it sounds like he might be losing interest and trying to project it onto you to find a problem. His behavior is already very passive and indirect, and immature. Never have these conversations by text. And stop chasing him which is rewarding him when he acts like a child….July 11, 2020 at 12:37 pm #796019
I dont agree with lane and tall. These are perfectly innocent examples of guys expressing some interest. Any normal guy can handle that even if it makes you jump for a second. Its not like she jumped on a guys lap (like in that other post) and told her bf. Yeah that leaves an imprint. The other part where you think there must be something else going on might be true. Although not my best guessJuly 11, 2020 at 3:38 pm #796038
Thank you all.
I’ve been trying to meet up with him for that talk but he told me he’s bringing his younger sister *somewhere*. He use to drop her to places so nothing new. And it checks out as well. However, it’s getting late now and I’m not getting a hold of him.
It’s rainning heavily also, so I’m not sure what he’s really doing. He doesn’t like to be pressured because that’s when he shuts down. I’m trying not to think the worst and just wait it out.
I won’t lie but he is acting strange. Maybe he is avoiding the talk. So frustrating especially when I just want to communicate and not make any drama.July 11, 2020 at 4:47 pm #796045
You dont need to chase him down to have that talk. I dont think thats what any of us meant. Let him come to you. He is the one acting weirdJuly 11, 2020 at 10:53 pm #796080
Violet, pump the brakes and let him find you, then say what you need to say!
You should never apologize for being desirable. You’re beautiful and it makes him insecure, not your problem. Still, I know you care for him so you want to comfort him naturally.
Just remember, you can’t control his confidence. All you can do is comfort and see if it helps. If not, it’s his insecurity to overcome, not yours!July 13, 2020 at 10:39 am #796204
Just had to come back and update.
I waited it out and when he got back home that same night after dropping his sister he told me to come over.
I went over preparing for a good talk. But he wasn’t in a bad mood. We didn’t even address the subject. He was himself, we were laughing and talking as normal. Men can be so weird. But it doesn’t look like we have a problem. I have let it go. If he wants to talk eventually he will.July 13, 2020 at 11:14 am #796206
Violet, its too early to know if its a problem or not. Just because he acted normal doesn’t mean he’s still not thinking or wondering about it. I would at least make a *mental note* of his behavior and if he makes another statement then you need to address it, right then, not a day or so later because ignoring the BIG ELEPHANT standing in the room, isn’t doing you any favors.
I understand a man’s insecurity when they have a beautiful/good looking woman; and may be worried or concerned that another man could come by and snatch her away because I’ve been snatched away quite a few times when I met another man I liked better, so its a real fear that he may have experienced and a legitimate concern. Your relationship appears to be new as you didn’t state how long you’ve been together, so it could be a twinge of insecurity or something he heard or seen, that’s making him question you. How long have you been together its kind of hard to know which one it might without having that information.July 13, 2020 at 3:11 pm #796224
Hi Lane, we met back in 2015. We were friends first. I was flying in and out of my home country as i was studying abroad and didn’t want a long distance relationship and neither did he. Then he went for his pilot training and we kinda lost touch. But last year around July he came up to me at a restaurant and it was such a nice surprise. We rekindled. And since we are both settled in our careers now and both single we made it official in October ’19. So we’ve been in a relationship roughly 10 months.
Of course now we are getting to know each other on another level. And knowing him, if this situation was an issue he would have asked for space etc. But the fact he is his normal self tells me that this could very well be something on his mind however, he is probably processing it without the need to put things on hold. Meaning, whatever he may have heard or “brain storming” on does not have any facts to it. So he may just be asking questions. But if he brings it up again we are definitely going to have that discussion or else I will be the one putting things on hold. Because if he is hearing these things or having doubts in any way, it must be coming from somewhere. We shall see.
Women never forget these things anyway so mental note checked!! Lol.
In the mean time I appreciate all advice. I like to be educated so I consider all of them especially from people that are more experienced and wiser. After all he and I are only 27 years old.July 13, 2020 at 10:10 pm #796265
Seems you have a good barometer of his behaviors which is a big part of getting to know each other. It could be a *one off* and a non-issue, or it could be something he’s grappling with. Again, too early to tell; whereas if he doesn’t bring it up again, then its probably a small twinge of insecurity that he worked out on his own, which is what you want, as it builds safety, security and trust.
Sounds like you have a good guy and relationship—may just be a little hiccup that works itself out, which is what you want, as it makes relationships so much easier :o)