This topic contains 13 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by redcurleysue 1 month ago.
February 27, 2020 at 11:51 am #786320
We ended (I initiated) a break up 10 days ago.
He was talking to me disrespectfully, never acknowledged how hurt I was during problems and anything that annoyed me he called me out for being “insane” or “silly” or “my issues are nonsense”
I assumed, in a foolish manner if I left him, perhaps he would realise how bad he has been and this would cause him to apologise and appreciate me. One of my male friends advised me to gain respect I need to be willing to walk away. I left ten days ago, implementing no contact & now he is on Tinder, adding girls to his socials & I heard today dating another girl. So soon? It was only on Valentine’s Day he was telling me how he is “obsessed” by me and “loves me”
Now I’ve walked away, I cannot undo this because he will the revert to treating me badly. HelpFebruary 27, 2020 at 11:57 am #786322
He treated you poorly…
You broke up with a jerk & good for You!
He can be someone else’s problem…February 27, 2020 at 12:08 pm #786323
Well, firstly, he sounds like a dream (insert sarcasm).
But, you learned a valuable lesson – the fake break up. It is passive aggressive and immature at the same time.
But the good side is that he was already bad and was not going to change, so be glad he is gone.February 27, 2020 at 12:25 pm #786324
I agree with RavenFebruary 27, 2020 at 1:55 pm #786329
He doesn’t have a new GF, he has a new girl he’s dating. I’m sure you could easily go on Tinder and line up 3-4 dates for the next week if you wanted. This man disrespected you and hurt you and wouldn’t listen when you shared your feelings. You should be saying good riddance and knowing it’s only a matter of time before he treats the next girl the same way he did you!!
You can’t make someone change or respect you, but you can walk away when they don’t treat you the way you deserve. You did. Good for you!! But that doesn’t mean it’s not going to hurt for a little while. You will move on and find better!!!February 27, 2020 at 9:38 pm #786348
I think he treated you badly because he took you for granted. Now that you’re gone, he is probably bored and tries a way to fill his life again. Being on Tinder so fast shows already how immature he is. He sounds like drama and I’m proud you walked away. You should stop following him on social media and move on. Find another guy that will treat you as you deserve. Never settle for lessFebruary 27, 2020 at 9:42 pm #786350
How long were you together? She’s not a GF but most likely a rebound. You need to wean him from your system and up your bar. He’s a three and should shoot for at least an 8 – 10 in the good guy realm. It sucks and stings for a bit but trust me, you’ll be so thankful you got rid of this one when a better guy comes a long :o)February 27, 2020 at 9:49 pm #786352
This is how men deal with break ups. It’s textbook post break up guy behavior and all it says is that he is avoiding processing his feelings by distracting himself with other women.
And as the others said you are better off moving on from this guy… he’s not a good partner.February 28, 2020 at 4:10 am #786357
How old are you guys and how do you know he’s on tinder and dating? It sounds like you are probably young to mid 20s? So good for you for being strong. You broke up with him. So you don’t really initiate no contact he’s probably pissed off you dumped him and is trying to make you jealous. Either way if that is his reaction then he probably has a lot of growing up to do. Tinder is gross. Break ups suck but so do bad relationships. He will probably come crawling back to you but his pride is hurt. At least you didn’t get dumped and then he went on tinder. So the ball is kind of in your court. Maybe just let him be and you were too good for him..xoxFebruary 28, 2020 at 6:53 am #786359
T from NY
Do not wish an arse back again.
Do the work. Feel the pain. Grieve and tend to you. Then choose someone next time who treats you better. Be brave to face your disappointment and hurt instead of using your energy to check up on him. Redirect and start concentrating on YOU.February 28, 2020 at 1:33 pm #786364
OP- Tallspicys words were way harsh but she is on POINT – i’d never heard of the passive aggressive breakup but that’s totally what you did. he called your bluff. i’m sorry that you’re suffering but i think this breakup is for the best. there are too many things from your story that show this wasn’t going to be a happy ending. i’m sure this hurts to hear but he doesn’t sound like a winner. now you know.
got to second T from NY’s latest comment right before mine. focus on building up a high-quality self, and a high-quality life, ditch the “searching or performing for men” attitude, and you’ll be surprised what you attract. try not to focus on who he’s dating – it could all be for show, who knows. regardless, i think you want a happy relationship, and if you do the work on yourself, i’m telling you it’s out there.
best of luckFebruary 28, 2020 at 10:18 pm #786378
I think sure, it was a passive-aggressive break up, but we all get emotional at times. a man who truly loved you and who wanted to make it up with you, wouldn’t “call your bluff”, but would try to be understanding. he really doesn’t sound like a great match. move on, you should be proud to have freed yourself of a relationship that didn’t work. and yes, he doesn’t have a girlfriend. he’s just “tindering”. even if he had a girlfriend, it either wouldn’t be for long, or shallow.February 29, 2020 at 1:13 am #786379
If calling him out on his habits didn’t work then at most, you should’ve taken a break instead of a mind gamey breakup.
Your friend’s advice wasn’t bad in essence. What he probably was implying is someone who’s willing to walk away (not necessarily doing it), doesn’t get taken for granted or walked all over. Take me for example. When I love someone I can sometimes be overly romantic, thoughtful, understanding etc and I’ve been told so too. I enjoy it though. It’s rare for me to be that selfless with someone. You might even think I was a doormat, but I still don’t get treated as such. Why? Probably because people know I’m willing to walk away. I don’t know if it’s pride, but in spite of everything there are few things I will call someone out on or not not stand for. And coincidentally, one of them is a gf that I trust and expect transparency from, breaking up with me purely to expect me to chase after her as a way to “fix” things. I see this as an insult to the relationship and would accept the breakup and walk away. And I have once. It was a girl I loved a lot too. And “walking away” wrecked me. But I never once looked back.
Thankfully for you, a guy who minimized your issues/feelings plus started dating someone else immediately is not someone you should regret losing. But let this be a lesson… to not make decisions you can’t live with because they can backfire, and often do. There’s a lot of context missing from your story, but if a partner doesn’t respect you in spite of trying to show them in mature and direct ways, they likely aren’t worth it. So consider the breakup a blessing in disguise, because both of you need some emotional intelligence.February 29, 2020 at 8:25 am #786383
This is his way of coping. But who cares? You need to worry about you and what made you stay with a guy like this so long? Love? Love needs to be mutual – not one sided.