This topic contains 13 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Lane 1 month ago.
June 21, 2021 at 4:53 am #885445
I have seen this guy for almost two months. We meet once or twice a week, but we pretty much never meet outside. It is always his or my apartment. The time we spent together was great and quality. But it starts bugging me that we almost never meet outside, and he did not make plans. The reason we did not meet outside first is because of COVID, then he worked a lot, pretty much everyday by 7pm. So he will run some errand or do some sport before meeting. I proposed to meet on weekend few times, but most of the time he already has plans. He texted me few times to ask me to come over after 9pm, but I never went because it seems like a booty call for me (maybe it is not too late?). I am not ready to meet his friends and do not want to introduce him to my friends too. I just want to know him more before making commitment. We text pretty much everyday, but sometime it took a day before he replied.
I get comfortable with home dating but, I feel this shows we are not going to be something serious. Do you think this is a bad sign since we did not hang out outside?June 21, 2021 at 5:11 am #885448
He’s a minimum effort guy and he’s not gonna take you seriously if you keep at this , it’s just going to look like old friends kicking it at home
No need to put the horse before the cart by talking about meeting each other’s friends already.
Start going out for real dates outside of each other’s homes. Let him come up with ideas and plans.
Next time you have a date just say something like I think we should try out new things and new places and have some fun activities, we’ve been manning the couches for too longJune 21, 2021 at 5:16 am #885450
Yeah, this is going nowhere. A man who really likes a woman will consistently make plans to spend time with her, and also show her what a good BF he would make! If he isn’t auditioning for the role of a great BF, whereas texting DOES NOT COUNT (look up *e-tethering*) you move on pronto.June 21, 2021 at 5:47 am #885462
I had the same problem with the guy I am dating at the moment he was always proposing home dates and I said to him that I am not interested in that and I’d rather go out and if this isn’t for him then we’re done.
So since then he has not proposed a single home date yet.
I am not sure if you have spoken to ‘your’ guy about it but I think you need to be firm, if you want him to take you out or do something outside the house just say it.
The fact that he has messaged you after 9 pm asking to come over is not a good sign and I would be thinking the same as you that he is not really after anything serious.June 21, 2021 at 9:45 am #885578
u did right. avoid home dates.June 21, 2021 at 9:52 am #885581
Sorry to be blunt, but this looks bad. Dates in public serve to build trust to let someone into your home/go to his and ultimately land in the bed and you completely skipped that phase. I totally get it that the guy doesn’t bother to go backwards, why would he?
“The reason we did not meet outside first is because of COVID” why did you agree to that?! Even during lockdowns it was clearly communicated if meeting with someone it’s better to do it outside. Instead you using the situation to get to know him from a safe distance, he used it to skip the evaluation phase altogether.
He doesn’t want to meet you for a drink after work one day, but meeting you after 9pm is fine and weekends are also no go? Sorry but this is a botty call territory. It doesn’t sound like he’s worried that you might walk away
The only way to try to salvage this is to stop agreeing to homedates and see if he steps up. But be prepared that he’s not interested in anything serious. For the future, don’t let anyone convince you into homedates too soon if you’re looking for something serious
Stop agreeing toJune 21, 2021 at 9:53 am #885582
*without the last lineJune 22, 2021 at 5:32 pm #886322
Thank you all for the valuable feedback. I talked to him, and we agreed we will do more activities outside. We went for a walk yesterday. But he also said he need more time to see how thing goes between us. I think this is quite fair because I also don’t want to rush into things. So I guess in the end it’s not too bad.June 23, 2021 at 8:09 am #886542
when you start talking abt meeting outside of the house, he says he needs more time to see where things are going? that’s gud? not sure i understand how its good.June 23, 2021 at 8:27 am #886548
Vivi I think you should start preparing yourself for a heartbreak because this guy it seems only agree to meet you outside because you wanted it and he figured to keep you in his loop he might go for a walk.
But I got a feeling the next date will be a home date againJune 24, 2021 at 10:50 am #887113
Does he need more time to see how things go because you asked him to date outside his house? Also, is he financially stable, like can he afford outside dates without digging deeper into his wallet? Not that this is an excuse but most men don’t know how to say it and instead just planning dates that don’t always require spending.June 24, 2021 at 2:56 pm #887206
The conversation started from I asked him what are we now? He then said it’s too early to tell and asked me what do I feel? I said it’s hard to tell because we barely only see each other indoor. So we agree to do thing more outside.
I think he is financially stable but just don’t go out to eat often.
His answer sounds reasonable for me because he is not easy to open up, but on the other hand, i am wondering whether this might be an excuse. I got a bad experience before, so I might overthinking about the situation.June 26, 2021 at 10:53 am #887730
“What are we?” is the kiss of death for a lot of relationships. Personally, I think if you have to ask at all then it’s most likely, the answer is nothing. If a guy goes on to ask you how you feel, but is vague about his own feelings then it’s a not a good sign.
Look, I think this guy is way too comfortable and hasn’t earned anything or done anything to show his interest in you, he’s just bringing his D to the game. you need to pull back. Stop being always available and accessible to him.June 26, 2021 at 12:48 pm #887753
You are taking over the man’s role, and that is never ever a good way to start. If the man isn’t putting in his time, money, or a lot of effort to spend a lot of time with you (outside of the sheets) then he’s not interested.
You need to know that men, within a few nanoseconds of meeting you, know if you are someone THEY want chase (get to know better), or not! This man will do ALL THE WORK when they are smitten with a woman; whereas you, as the woman, literally have to do NOTHING, nor say anything other than show up, when you meet that man.
Check out male (giving) and female (receiving) energy. You are operating from “masculine energy” which is one who pursues, gives, protects, etc. which is a huge turn off to men who have the same energy, which he does. You would be better off dating a guy with more feminine energy OR learn how to tap into your feminine energy which is a major turn on for a masculine man.
True Feminine energy doesn’t have the desire to pursue, chase or capture a man’s heart. Nope, she allows the man to pursue, chase, and capture her heart! She doesn’t have to do anything but show up to the date, be herself, and if the man is interested (“smitten”) HE will NATURALLY tell her how he feels without her having to saying a peep :o) You need to be patient, and just listen, watch, and observe him over several dates (outside of the sheets); whereas, if he’s not the one planning a lot of time to spend with you, or opening up by telling you how he feels first, on his own, then you walk away. If its not a HELL YES, then its a HELL NO! Read up on the “HELL YES, or HELL NO” concept, and adopt it in your dating life too.
This is how most of my relationships started btw, by taking on the Feminine role. It works but you need to learn how to balance it or the relationship crashes, which is what happened in my marriage when I allowed my Masculine energy to take over—won’t make that mistake again! Staying in the Feminine role with your partner (appreciate, and respect everything he does which makes them want to keep doing it), and use your Masculine energy at work, is how to strike the right balance for long-term relationship success.