Unsure if I was being rude or if he is just overreacting?


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This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Liz Lemon 1 month ago.

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  • #814680 Reply

    nn201

    A guy who was enthusiastically pursuing me asked to go for a walk during the week. I agreed and we said we’d do Thursday at 2pm (today).

    I didn’t hear from him to check in/confirm and I had a lot of work, so I kind of lost track of it all.

    Anyway, at 1.30pm this afternoon he messaged me when I was out on the other side of town to see if I was still keen to meet up at 2pm. I apologised profusely for losing track of time and asked if maybe we could meet at 4pm or even tomorrow.

    From there he seemed really sullen and put off and has gone quite cold on me.

    Would you say he was overreacting or is this something I should try and prevent happening in the future?

    #814684 Reply

    A

    No, you did nothing wrong. You don’t confirm a date 30 min before. If they don’t follow up 3 hours before a date, I make other plans. Especially for the fact that you apologized and suggested another time/day, he shouldn’t be mad. That would be a red flag for me.

    #814699 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Did you know where you were walking?

    If you had a date, time and a place, you were in the wrong because the plan was set. If you did not have the place, here is how you should phrase it next time:

    Bob, thank you so much for reaching out! Sadly, when I did not hear from you to firm up plans, I assumed something came up and I have some work I need to do. I would still love to see you and I could do 4 today or tmrw if either works.

    This sends a loud and clear message and is still encouraging.

    #814702 Reply

    Talia

    I agree with A, we don’t confirm a date 30mn in advance. It is possible however that he felt like you didn’t seem very interested because you didn’t confirm the date either, nor cancelled, and ended up not going. Maybe he was trying to gauge your interest (aka if you’d text yourself to confirm) and is afraid to pursue someone less interested in him that he is in you.
    In any case you did nothing wrong and were not rude to the least, he just has to learn how to deal with his feelings in a more mature and regulated way I think (so yes, overreacting).

    #814710 Reply

    Clara

    As before said, if you had a time and place set, then he is right, but it is still no reason to get mad at someone. That would be a red flag for me. If there was nothing in place, then it would have been on him to confirm I think, or as a minimum, he shouldn’t be upset that given you hadn’t heard from him, you made other plans. I would have done the same.

    #814712 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    The fact that you “lost track” of the date speaks volumes. You aren’t into this guy. If you were, you would not have forgotten.

    I don’t think you were necessarily rude, because it was an honest mistake. But I can see how he would have assumed that you had an agreement to meet, with a time and a date. It was not a vague plan, you agreed on 2pm Thursday. So he may have not felt the need to follow up with an exact location until the day of. Some people are just like that. If he was otherwise “enthusiastically pursuing” you, as you say, I don’t think his not following up with a location means he wasn’t interested. I think it means he just assumed the date was on.

    So if I were him, I would be put off that you forgot about it. If I were in his shoes, and the person I had a date with totally forgot, I would feel they weren’t that interested in me. And I would probably stop pursuing them.

    I don’t think you did anything wrong. But this guy is probably not the best match for you if you forgot you had a date with him :-)

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