Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › trying to make it work after cheating
- This topic has 31 replies and was last updated 2 years, 4 months ago by
Claire.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Maddie
Want to just add that if you have “Al-Anon” groups where you are, or can find them hosted virtually even if they are in another country, I highly recommend you start attending those. It’d another idea in addition to your own therapy. It is specifically for partners (or ex partners) of addicts and may help you with your side of the codependent feelings and dynamics. “I feel like if there is no check he will drink himself to death without me.” This is incredibly unhealthy for you to feel, though you’re not the only one who has been through this, and having a support group of people who have been or are going through it may also help you.
hazel
Guys, I know I will sound pathetic, I am ashamed like anything but I really feel like I will go crazy about him….but this thread has instilled so much hope….I have already become so depressed without, I just cannot deal with anything without him….I don’t like anything without him….I mean before these 7-8 months he had been so distant and was basically absent from my life, atleast emotionally….but still just the fact that he is mine, he loves just me, he has eyes just for me was enough to keep the hope alive that he will one day become the lovely guy he was in the initial 1.5 years of the relationship and I was totally whole in my life even though my relationship was a mess, I was nott caugh up in it intensely, I was doing my thing, my exercise, my early morning routine, chill with friends, office, hobbies, friends, additional courses, I improved myself manifold…but I was still obviously very wrked up because I did not know what was going on with him and he as the guy who had at one time made me believe in puppy love again, that cute innocent teenagerish love……..but now I do’t even have that…he had eyes for so many…..while he was continuoysly ignoring me….I hate him…he disgusts me. I feel so intensely betrayed that I feel like I can never trust anyone again…You really cannot ever know what a person really feels about you or another woman….people can fake things all their life….I can be loyal, committed, and loving maybe again in a relationship but trusting? NOVER
hazel
I feel like I will end up becoming one of those women who install softwares in their husband’s phone and follow them around or who cheat themselves so they don’t have to bad if they find their husbands cheating too….I don’t want to end up being so pathetic….I am sorry for the outburtst…but I feel good venting out
hazel
I have booked a session with a good therapist. Will keep posting here in case of further troubles. I liked the way people really followed my thread and wrote such wonderful advice for a complete stranger. This is a really good initiative. No trolls, no creeps, full anonymity, it’s a great place really. :)
Claire
It sounds like you are doing the right thing going to see a therapist hunni. I know it hurts now as I am going through a breakup too at the moment but you have got this.
Get back to being you… enjoying friends, hobbies, family… all the things you wrote in an earlier post that you said you enjoyed. He will still be in your mind and you’ll be wondering what he’s up to and who with and that will hurt like hell but in time, you’ll be happy again and feeling more able to move on.
I’ve been there.. it took a lot of time, tears, lonely nights being upset but I blocked then deleted his number and all messages / correspondence / memories so I had no way to contact him if I tried. It was hard to do, but when I came out the other side, realised just how toxic (& in my case, emotionally abusive!) the relationship was and it made me realise my worth and that I deserve better than that.
One thing is clear… you deserve better too!
You’ve got this… sending huge hugs to break this cycle
hazel
Claire, I am more of a hopeless romantic. I feel bad that the person who I thought was my soulmate, someone who I love so much, someone who made me feel like I waas his world, someone who made me love myself will no longer be part of my life…..because I am not sure if he was these things or not now…..I am just so so disappointed….and depressed. I miss his cute face and cry..but I know that cute face is not at all good for my health….but I wish he had never cheated and I could have considered my sweet relationship to be true love all my life….he seriously ruined it all…I don’t even feel like talking to any guy forget about thinking about dating anyone…..but I understand that I will never be able to feel the same way with my ex again….I will always feel like any stupid girl that he cheated on and who continues to stay despite that….what will I even stay for? The relationship was rubbish since the last 1.5 years, he had been cheating for the last 1.5 years. I just want to be out of this mess both emotionally and physically…as soon as possible….but I will take my time
…feels like I was nothing more than a body for him since the last 1.5 yearsClaire
I am a hopeless romantic too Hazel.
I promise you that your pain will ease slowly and get better in time.
Keep busy, keep taking one day at a time and block that man from your life and mind.
It’s toxic. You don’t deserve that. You deserve a prince.
Take it hour by hour if you need to BUT don’t look back or have him back. You’ll be repeating the cycle in years to come. The choice is yours x
-
AuthorPosts
