Too much too soon


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This topic contains 9 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Tracy 1 week, 1 day ago.

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  • #819722 Reply

    Anon 2

    Long story short, recently out a long term relationship and am dippibg my toes back into the dating world.

    Connected with a guy on dating app who i like, not met yet been talking a week, planning coffee in a weeks time. However i feel for having not met me he’s been a little full on. Calling me honey and being overly worried when i said last night that i was really tired and had left work early. It just makes me a little wary when someone ive never met says oh honey whats wrong? Are you ill? Im worried about you?? And when i said goodnight saying things like wish i was there to help you get cosy.

    I mught be over reacting but ive just came from a narcisstic relationship where everything was all sweetness and sugar at the start so im just feeling a bit off about it.

    Do you think im over reacting and should still go meet him or am i right in being wary??

    #819724 Reply

    Tallspicy

    I get a weird feeling as well when men seem to overcontact or be overly involved before we meet, especially with pet names. That said, why did you tell him you were sick or left early? He does not need to know any of that at this point. Just let him know the basics and positive things about you.

    I would say yellow flag and just pay attention. It is not narcissistic.

    #819727 Reply

    Anon 2

    I never said i was sick…just really tired through no sleep night before.

    Thanks though, i’ll keep to the basics and positives 🙂

    #819736 Reply

    Newbie

    I think its a bad sign. I did online dating a little bit and had the same reaction as you. One guy calling me sweetie and so. He wanted to grab a pizza, i said ok. Then i cancelled. Years later i logged in once and realized the same guys were still there. They had no real intention to find a partner, just being on the dating site was their way to spend time. Of course this was my interpretation. For me its a no

    #819738 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Newbie,

    Judgy much? You had one experience, which hardly makes you an expert. Do not poo poo it, especially when you clearly had less than optimistic attitude that may not have helped. It is one of many ways to meet people and nothing wrong with it…. one in 4 long term relationships start online now. That said….Online dating is a mixed bag, and you have to take it without having a negative attitude or taking anything personally. Just do it, be open and only engage where you want to. No need for so much editorializing. I have had several lovely men enter my life via online. All professionals and all around good men. You just focus on the ones you like, ignore the ones you don’t and have a open humorous attitude about it all…. keep your expectations low and love your life. Which in general a good way to be about anything.

    If this dude bothers her, just cancel.

    #819741 Reply

    Newbie

    Yes tall, thats why i specifically added the notion that this is my personal interpretation and i still stand by it

    #819743 Reply

    Anon 2

    I appreciate both of your input but i do tend to go more with its a yellow flag. I’ll continue for now but if my gut keeps telling me NO then ill bow out 🙂

    #819760 Reply

    T from NY

    I’m not going to argue with anyone’s gut – but I don’t ever continue with men who are overly solicitous and pet-namey in the beginning. It’s projecting intimacies and association on you that hasn’t been developed or earned. Not to mention coming in way too fast and strong and that’s not typically what men of high quality do.

    And though I do agree some men are only on the apps because they aren’t emotionally unavailable and don’t want a real relationship, just constant courting and honeymoon stages, then rinse and repeat – I am also a face you would see again if you logged back on because my area is kind of small and I haven’t been in a significant, long term relationship in 3 years and I take big breaks then try again. Dating apps really have changed dating and privacy about being single is not as much of an option. And if the chances of meeting someone in real life were slim before, with covid and masks chances are even lower. And with winter coming up vetting is even more important.

    #819800 Reply

    Peggy

    I would proceed with caution and see how coffee is, if you feel comfortable meeting by that time. When I did on-line dating, I often had initial contact messages from guys that would address me as Baby, Princess, Queen, beautiful etc. I never responded to them ad I hate those “tags” and they knew nothing about me. Most had not really looked at my profile, but were sending generic “fishing” messages. If it feels he is acting overly familiar before he has “earned it”,then just watch and see how he is and decide accordingly.

    #820572 Reply

    Tracy

    RUN! It’s not natural. If you are asking the question you already know its not right. I wouldn’t even bother meeting him

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