Too close to his baby moms


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals Too close to his baby moms

This topic contains 16 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Jennifer 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #900814 Reply

    Jennifer

    I need some advice as I’ve never dated a guy with kids before so it’s all very new to me as I don’t have kids myself yet so I don’t really know how to feel and when I was growing up my mom and dad weren’t together but they had a really dysfunctional relationship as it was an on and off for a long time and when it was off they hardly spoke….anyway enough about me…… the person I am dating has 3 kids and 3 baby moms he mentioned that he would like to throw a party at the end of the year for his birthday and wants to invite them all….. is this acceptable, I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable in that situation … what’s your thoughts.

    #900840 Reply

    Raven

    What is your end game with this guy?

    He has 3 children with 3 different women… This party that you are uncomfortable with, will be your life.

    #900928 Reply

    Persephone

    He has three baby moms?!? That sounds way more complicated and like his time is going to be at a premium. Are you hoping to become #4 in his collection of baby moms? If not, I’d move along.

    When I was dating I always hoped for the best for dads with kids. I wanted there to be a good relationship with the exes and even would have been happy had they rejoined with their ex so that the kids could have some stability. But if you get too involved with him, like Raven said, this will be your life and you’d be a pretty crummy person to create discord where there isn’t any (meaning wanting him not to be engaging like this with the moms). He probably needs to focus on being a dad right now anyway.

    #900942 Reply

    Maddie

    Have you been dating him long? Doesn’t sound like it? If you already feel uncomfortable with what he wants to do, then you’re not compatible. Don’t bend yourself for a guy. Listen to your gut that you’re not comfortable with his family situation, and that’s okay. Usually men who have had children with that many partners aren’t very emotionally stable or reliable in their romantic relationships. If you grew up with instability, the last thing you need is a guy who will trigger your discomfort and normalize more dysfunction. If you want to stay, it’s a good thing he has good relationships with all the baby mamas, much better than the alternative of him having bad relationships with them. But you’ll always need to deal with his complicated family situation as he should be prioritizing his kids and doing what’s best for them, and with all those people involved, it may be challenging. Is that worth it to you, is it how you want to live your life?

    #900964 Reply

    AngieBaby

    You’re the caboose on a very long train. That’s a fact that will never change if you stay involved with this man.

    How old are all these children? I’m guessing that he gets on OK with all of them if he’s throwing a birthday party and wants to invite all of the exes. That’s a good thing. How much contact does he have with them? How does he treat them (what he did with last ones is what you can expect he’d do with you)?

    What ages are you and he? Have you ever been married? Do you want children? How does he feel about marriage and more children? What do you want from your life and what do you want from this man? How long have you been involved with him? How does he treat you? Why did he break up with all of them? Was he married to any of them?

    I’ve asked a lot of questions because you’ve not given a lot of info and it’s hard to give advice not knowing the full picture.

    However, if you already know you’d be uncomfortable at a gathering with all his exes and all his kids and you cannot or will not change how you feel about that, then just do yourself and him a favor and end it and stay out of complicated situations like this in the future.

    #900965 Reply

    AngieBaby

    Also, on the practical side… what’s his financial situation with all of these exes and kids??

    #901125 Reply

    Amy s

    Jeez. Run forest run. Are you really willing to
    Sign up for this. Baby mama no 4 bring it on. Do you not aspire for better than this ?

    #901142 Reply

    Jennifer

    @Raven thank you for responding I like this guy and when we first started talking the 3 kids situation didn’t bother me but now as I am getting to know him it does as I’m not a priority to him and his time is always stretched

    #901144 Reply

    Jennifer

    Thank you for responding I one day would like children of my own and when we first started talking we did use to talk about this and he was a bit unsure of having more kids however started to come round to the idea. We have been speaking for just under a year now and I could probably count the amount of times I’ve seen him on both hands as his time is very stretched.
    I don’t want to create complications for myself and I would be coming into the relationship with no baggage.
    I think what you have said is good advice.
    Thank you

    #901173 Reply

    Ewa

    it is not about him having kids, it is about him having kids with 3 different women! was he in relationships with them or was it a result of one night stand, I am sorry to say but this is a bit too much especially if you want to have kids…

    #901193 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    “We have been speaking for just under a year now and I could probably count the amount of times I’ve seen him on both hands as his time is very stretched.”

    Why are you wasting your time with this guy!? You’ve been “speaking” for a year and haven’t seen him 10 times? That’s less than once a month!

    You’re not even dating, you’re just talking. This is a total waste of your time. Not to mention everything that’s already been said about the problem of dating a guy with 3 baby mamas…he’ll be stretched financially and stretched for time as well.

    Not to mention, I would find it a total turn-off that a guy is that irresponsible. I assume he was not married to any of these women? I don’t judge out of wedlock pregnancies at all, but if a guy doesn’t learn after the first (or second!) time, to me it screams carelessness and irresponsibility.

    #901254 Reply

    Jennifer

    Two of his baby mums he was in a relationship with the other one he was just seeing her and she got pregnant and he said he didn’t want to be with her as they viewed the world differently.

    #901281 Reply

    Jennifer

    What do you think I should say you this guy?

    #901300 Reply

    Raven

    Why do you feel the need to say anything?
    You barely see each other…

    #901327 Reply

    Jennifer

    Because I feel like there is a bit of an emotional connection there…. And I will find it hard to just cut him off without an explanation.

    #901332 Reply

    Maddie

    You can tell him that you care about him but don’t think you’re looking for the same things right now / some variation on you’re not in the same life stage, so you don’t think you should see each other anymore. That’s the nice way of telling the truth.

    #901447 Reply

    Jennifer

    Thank you

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