This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Anderson 1 month, 1 week ago.
March 5, 2021 at 5:04 pm #847641
So I met this guy online , we were chatting and face timing for about 3 weeks before we met , we don’t live in the same city , I noticed early on almost all our conversations were about money , how he didn’t have enough money , how he needs to make more money , how he couldn’t spend a certain amount of money on a girl etc but I ignored it , we finally met, he came to my city , got a hotel that we stayed in , We got hungry and decided to order pizza,chicken and drinks , pizza arrived but the machine kept rejecting his card so I paid with my card instead , no big deal , I didn’t even tell him .
The next day we decide to go out and he asked me to choose a place , so I ask what he wants to do and he says he wants to eat Chinese , i asked if he has anywhere in mind , he says “anywhere not expensive to be honest “ I showed him a couple of places and he picked the cheapest , mind you this person is far from broke and earns well, I know this because he told me . We got to the restaurant had our meals and when the cheque came he said “ oh we spent all this , this is a lot “ and went further to let me know how much our meals cost , I’ve been on several dates and I can’t remember ever having an idea of how much the meals or activities cost because my dates always get the cheque without complaining.
During the date all he talked about was how he needs to make more money and how other people have so much money and he needs to make more money , the entire date that’s all we talked about . Then he goes further to say when he visits again he would stay at my place because he doesn’t want to have to spend money on hotels , (mind you ,he’s been visiting my city before he met me and has been staying in hotels ) , I would have offered anyways but I expected him to at least wait for me to offer .
I like to go all out when I’m dating someone, buy them nice things , I already even had a trip planned in my head for his birthday but I can’t do that for someone who wouldn’t reciprocate it .
He’s been asking what’s next with our relationship ( if I want to make it exclusive ) but at this point I’m turned off ,he finds a way to bring up money talks in every conversation and I don’t know if I should break it off or talk to him about it .March 5, 2021 at 5:32 pm #847645
OMG! You really have to ask?March 5, 2021 at 5:37 pm #847647
Why did his card get rejected? Even if he makes a lot of money, that doesn’t mean he’s good with his finances. Maybe he has a ton of debt and his money goes towards paying off credit cards, which is why he’s so stressed. Or he’s just cheap.
Anyway, people are on their best behavior at the beginning of a relationship. Expect him to just get moreso the way he already is over time. Not seeing eye to eye on finances is a huge reason couples break up and important to gauge before serious commitment. Sounds like you have different attitudes which will be incompatible down the line if you’re already annoyed.
You can try talking to him about it if you really like absolutely everything else about him, but it’s already long-distance and not an easy situation in that sense so it’s understandable if you don’t want to bother working through it. And you haven’t known him very long. In this case, I’d personally break it off and find someone more compatible and less into comparing himself to everyone else and being obsessed with money… but for me, I see lots of insecurity (which is why people get overly caught up in comparing themselves to others) and all out frugality (versus conscientiousness but not obsession around money) as negatives.March 5, 2021 at 6:26 pm #847649
NO NO NO. Tell him you don’t feel a connection and thanks anyway and throw this one back.
He told you exactly what he was right up front and for some reason you glossed over it.
All of this made me cringe… and then the part where he told you he wants to stay at your place next time so he doesn’t have to pay for a hotel???? Oh HELL no. And he now wants to be exclusive? Beyond hell no!!!!
I’m with Raven… I’m puzzled as to why you even have to ask after all the things he did and didn’t do.
You need to get much better at spotting warning signs early and not ignoring them. You’ve wasted a lot of time and energy on him. I’m not expecting to date Mr. Moneybags but there is nothing more of a turn-off than a cheap or stingy guy. There’s nothing to talk about with him. This is who he is and how he is. I pity the woman who is foolish enough to marry him and tolerate all this BS. (Hey, there’s a pot for every lid…)
Also, don’t waste your time talking a lot on the phone or FaceTime with guys you haven’t met yet. Creates false impressions and false intimacy that rarely pans out when you meet in person.March 5, 2021 at 8:25 pm #847661
Needless to say this is a no-go and a severe incompatibility. You can communicate this to him if you like. But he’s not going to change. Mentality towards money is often deeply ingrained and sometimes doesnt change even when the bank balance changes
I personally prefer a partner, or even a close friend, who’s neither a reckless spender nor penny pincher. Frugal or thereabout. Like me. I’ve always gotten great satisfaction from saving or being smart with my money (coupons, discounts, waiting for deals sometimes etc) even though outside of college I’ve never really needed to be frugal *knockonwood*. I’m sure someone might see me as cheap and they’re allowed to have that opinion. But not being a reckless spender has been well received by literally everyone who’s known me, especially exes. But that’s also because I was also raised with the old fashioned notion that the man should always pay when dating. And majority of the time even after.
Which makes me interested in knowing why are you going “all out” when “dating” someone? Why so premature? Yes it feels great to spend on a partner in a relationship. But the keyword there is relationship. Not dating. Personally, I’m very aware that I dont want to be trying to win over someone in the dating phase by buying them. That’s not someone I would want or could value. I hope you aren’t unconsciously trying to do that either