This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Alice 3 years, 4 months ago.
March 31, 2016 at 12:33 pm #521375
Have any of you had it work when dating a separated man?
I’ve been dating a guy for almost three months and he’s in the early stages of separation after an 8-year marriage and two kids. During the time we’ve been dating I’ve also dated three others, so I haven’t been putting all my eggs in his basket, so to speak. He is not dating anyone else and does not want to date anyone else. He said that he only dates one person at a time. I’ve been open about dating others.
However, lately, he started pursuing me a lot more. I’ve been quite ill and spent time in the hospital. He’s been bringing me things, helping me out a lot, etc. Really taking care of me in a way nobody has ever taken care of me before. Also, he sent me a very intense text saying that he wants me. That he wants me to go along on this ride with him through the divorce, be there after, he wants to be there as he surely makes mistakes with me, he wants to correct those mistakes. But basically he wants it all to be with me. At first I told him that this is nice to hear, but the logistics just seem too dicey to become exclusive with him.
Then I went on a date with someone else and the entire time on this date I thought of the separated guy. I realized that I’ve started to develop true feelings for him. He is so caring. And while he does make mistakes about how he is handling me and his ex, he always corrects things and never makes the same mistake.
With my health issues I’ve decided not to date anyone new. I don’t have that kind of energy. And I’ve decided to try out a more casual thing with the separated guy. But I’m finding the more time we spend together the more I want him. And the more I dislike him having to deal with his ex.
Am I living with my heads in the clouds on this? Could this work? Should I just accept this for what it is- two people enjoying each other at difficult times in their lives?
Tell me about your stories!March 31, 2016 at 1:06 pm #521394
There are always exceptions…
Unfortunately, there are more casualties than exceptions :(
You go into this situation knowing it will be rocky.
You have exceptional boundaries.
You know when to walk away.
He has to go through the steps of grieving…
Personally, I would never date anyone freshly separated…March 31, 2016 at 1:26 pm #521403
Ask yourself if you’re ready to and/or deserve to take on someone else’s baggage.March 31, 2016 at 6:20 pm #521493
I’m not sure yet I can call it a success story, but I’ve been with my separated guy for 18 months now and it’s still working – I’ll call it a true success when he’s fully divorced and we’re still together. Only you can really judge whether it’s worth the risk, separated can mean a whole different thing between one person and another. If he’s completely over the marriage and they’re just waiting to sort the paperwork that’s one thing and I’d be more willing to chance it. However if he’s still mourning the end of the marriage and going through the emotional fallout from it, I’d stay clear. One thing to think about though is that if they have two kids he’s going to have to deal with his ex to some extent for the rest of his life – if that bothers you already then getting involved with this guy may not be right for you.March 31, 2016 at 6:25 pm #521495
My best female friend is going through a divorce right now and she recently met the man of her dreams and is so grateful to have found him. It’s not an easy ride and you could either soar or crash and burn. But if you’re going on dates with your other guys and you feel guilty or wish you were with him, that’s a sign you may be ready to take that chance. That’s how I knew :)March 31, 2016 at 8:41 pm #521517
My parents met when my dad was separated. But..there were no kids involved, he wanted the seperation and he was totally over the marriage. I think a lot depends on whether he’s over the marriage and how much baggage he hwe.March 31, 2016 at 10:25 pm #521533
People check out our their marriages/relationships even years before the final separation. This happened to me and when I met my boyfriend he asked me: when did you check out? I immediately answered 4 years ago! I was not looking to date after my separation. I began my love story with him while still legally married, but had been separated for a while. My boyfriend was patient through my legal divorce and understood my loss and grief. No matter what, divorce is a loss and it is painful.
Asked him when did he check out? Be careful you are NOT the rebound!July 19, 2020 at 5:32 pm #796995
Currently have been in a relationship w a separated man for 3 years +. I thought it would be allgood at first, he assured me they were done and going to get a divorce but nearly 4 years have passed now and still no signed papers whatsoever. The three years have NOT been easy for either of us as we are constantly arguing about when it will happen and why it hasn’t as of yet, so I would not consider us a success story. My advice is to wait until you see some action that shows he really is over the marriage – don’t just go for what he’s saying in the moment. All the best, hopefully your relationship works out better than mineJuly 19, 2020 at 5:53 pm #797004
You’re responding to a thread from 2016? This thread is old.
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