Struggling with breakup

Hello,

I was with my ex for four years and we recently broke up in June. We were talking here and there and play on a co-ed recreational sports team together up until June. We had a rocky relationship. In the beginning, there were issues with her ex-bf (who broke up with her) coming back into the picture trying to win her back. She still worked at the same restaurant (side-job) as him even after they broke up and we started dating. I told her the issues with a previous girlfriend were I was cheated on and didn’t think it was good idea she still worked there. She agreed. But, there were times where he threatened me on IG message. It was childish even though he broke up with her. There was a night were he stalked us and follow us onto the highway and wanted us to pull over. I told her that she needed to get a restraining order against him, because enough was enough. One night he was like posting sappy stories on IG hinting that enough was enough. So, her mother told him to reach out to see if he was alright, which should not have even happened, because who cares at this point that relationship was over. Then like months later she liked an IG post from a friend that had her ex tagged in it, which is whatever, but not cool after all the crap he put us through. It was just always something with this guy that pissed me off.

Anyway, we had a good year and a half of the relationship, but there was always constant bickering. I felt like she never put me first or as priority, and she would say I put you first in ways you do not see. I like to see my gf’s maybe like 3-4 times a week, and she said I’ve never been with anyone who wants to see me so much, and she believed in quality or quantity. I’m not a needy person. I have friends, and have a lot of activities. The issue was just wanting to see my girlfriend. I felt she would always run for certain people, but would never be there for me. Every time, I had a complaint or wanted to vent she never just listened, it was well see it from this persons perspective, etc. This is not to say that I was a saint in this relationship. There were times I could shutdown or could be distant, but it never came across as a sign of trying to hurt someone. It was a coping mechanism for me. We got into a huge argument, because I went to see my mother during COVID and wanted to check in on her. She was pissed because I went inside and saw her, but I believe she was made because she didn’t want to potentially get sick and not be able to see her family. We didn’t speak for like 4 days in the same house together. And ever since then, that was always the issue of getting her to commit to moving in or marrying me. She always had an excuse as to why she didn’t want to move in. What if we get into a fight and we don’t speak. It get’s harder when children are involved, etc. My issue was just her actually committing to me and letting me know she actually cared. She always looked at the bad times, and never the good times. The good times on the vacations, or when we were sick with COVID and stayed together for two weeks and never fought.

We decided to take a break in March (her idea). During that time period, I tried to do whatever I could to make it work. We eventually met up and she decided we should try and make it work, but only talk and see each other once a week. I obliged even though I thought it was a bad idea. Then we started getting right back into things and it was like we never discussed the break or next steps, which I felt wasn’t fair to me. Yes, I could’ve said something, but I’m the type of person that doesn’t want to bring things up if it’s going to cause an issue. I was moving out of my home and I felt she was never there for me, being that I helped her family move twice in four years. She would say well you never ask for help, but I also think my GF of four years should want to help me during a tough time. I just felt she was never there for me during this stressful time. The nail in the coffin was our trip to Mexico for a wedding over MDW. We were fighting leading up to the trip and there were things the both of us did that just rubbed each other the wrong way. We hardly talked on the trip. I felt like I didn’t go to Mexico to hang out with her friend and her GF the entire time. I wanted some alone time with her. She thought I wasn’t being cordial to people, but I was I paid for drinks a bunch and even lunch a few times for her friends. She would introduce me by my first name and not say this is my boyfriend and that hurt. She always wanted to me to be more affectionate and when I was on the trip I felt like I was, she was stone cold. We quickly broke up after we got back.

The thing is, I always felt like I was being nitpicked every step of the way. Nothing was ever good enough. So, the month of June it was basically me reaching out. I would reach out and she would never ask me about myself of how I was doing. She sent a lot of mixed messages that entire month. “I don’t know how I’m going to feel in a a week, two weeks, six months from now. I love you so much, and I don’t want to do this, but I think it is best for me.” She even said to me, “I never close the door on my ex’s; my ex-fiance accused me of horrible stuff and did horrible things, but who knows when I’m 75 if we see each other and get back together.” We saw each other at volleyball a few times and there was no ill will. I reached out one night to tell her I was her and she said I do too; not even I miss you back. The last time I saw her at volleyball I even drove her back to her car. After that night, I reached out one last time on July 1st, to see if she wanted to get coffee to talk about us, and it took her 4 hours to get back to me. she said she didn’t think that was a good idea and she wanted to move. I said well if two people love each other then why not make it work. She said we had bad communication issues and love alone doesn’t save a relationship. I don’t think seeing each other is best for our healing process.

Now, here is where things get shady. Her ex-bf dad passed that same day and I believe she had reached out and she went there. She’s followed a lot of things he started to follow on IG and constantly likes the same stuff. They do not follow each other on IG, but it isn’t a coincidence that the both of them are liking stuff. Me and her still follow one another on IG, and she looks at all my stories. I know for a fact that they are either back together or taking things slow. It hurts me that this person would run back to their ex after 4 years of us together. I did always feel she still loved him. It hurts me that, she could just discard me and everything we went through – families being close, my family treating her great, nieces and nephews, etc. She hasn’t reached out since, and I will not reach out to her. It just hurts me that I’m going through this pain, and she’s out there living her life without a care for me, and back with her ex. I don’t get it. I should understand how life works, but it kills me inside having to go through this everyday. I don’t think I just never really thought she was this type of person to do something like this. What do her friends and family think? This is acceptable. Maybe they’re telling her, well you need to be happy, and you do what is best for you. I don’t understand how someone can just talk about taking time to “heal”, but wrong right back into another relationship. How is that healthy. Sorry for the long response, but I’m just struggling at the moment.