Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › STD question
This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Tallspicy 1 month, 1 week ago.
I went on a first date with a guy tonight I’m semi interested in. He seems good, responsible, mature, independent. All the good things. But he told me about a prior treatable STD he got 9 months ago. He did the right thing and immediately told his partner he was with at the time and she got treated as well. My question is…is this a red flag? If I was going to have sex with him I would obviously make him get a full test of everything again, but should I still be worried? How did he get a STD in the first place? I’ve never gotten a STD (other than HPV in my 20’s, which was cleared), but I do NOT want to get any. Would you date a guy with a prior STD?
If my feelings are lukewarm i wldnt meet again.. but if like sparks flew and there is awsm chemistry thn i may get to know him more and then decide.
It’s good that he told you the truth, although I think that may have been a bit heavy for a first date. However, I can see why he would bring it up because if someone were going to be put off by it he would want to know right off the bat. Was it completely cured? Did he know how he got it? It’s not necessarily a dealbreaker but only you know all the details. Many people have had an STD at least once in their lives so just the fact that he had one, in my book isn’t an automatic no. But I”d need the details to make a decision.
I think it’s a good sign he told you and was honest about it. If you’re interested, get to know him a bit before jumping into bed with him. See if he’s consistently honest or if he talks about things that sound like he has questionable judgement or is irresponsible, or if he has bad boundaries and a tendency to overshare too much too soon. This isn’t something you can just know without knowing him. If you’re uncomfortable already and don’t want to get to know him further, that’s okay and understandable, too.
He got an STD because he cheeted on his (then) partner…
THAT should be issue, not the STD…
Thanks everyone for the responses. Yeah it’s not really clear how he got it because how he explained it to me was that he was dating (and sleeping with) a girl then ended things with her. He started to get symptoms, but at the same time started seeing another girl (non sexual). He went to the dr to get tested and the urine came back negative. They ran a swab just to make sure but those results were going to take a while. That night he slept with the new girl because he thought he was clear. The next day they called him and told him the swab actually came back positive.
Something about that story doesn’t add up to me. Do you guys think he was cheating?
Maybe he was cheating, maybe he wasn’t. He may not be forthcoming with the details if he was cheating.
But even if he wasn’t cheating, we know one thing: He was awaiting results of an STD test and then slept with someone before he had the results. He couldn’t have waited another .. day? week? (no he couldnt.)
I don’t want to stigmatize him for having an STD in the first place but it sounds like he acted irresponsibly. So I guess the question is… did he learn from that experience?
If you pass, it’s not because he had an STD… it’s because he has some growing up to do.
I find it strange someone would go into that much detail about their dating history and sex and STD on a first date. That’s more of a second or third date discussion.
I’m with Jane. The STD is now not the central problem. It’s his poor judgment. He should have waited for the all-clear, especially since he had symptoms. And first the results were going to take a while and then they call him back the next day?? I don’t get it.
There’s really no way of determining if he was sleeping with multiple women at the same time or if the first girl he was dating was sleeping with other guys.
If you do decide to date him and at some point decide to have sex with him, tell him he has to get tested for the battery of STDs and you will need to see a printed copy of the results before anything happens.
What everyone else said and I’ll add… please, please, please if you decide to sleep with him use protection!
To me, the entirety of his behavior is suspect. And also, it’s not that hard to just use a condom.
Ladies, your judgment and somewhat lack of education on stds is staggering. A person can be very careful and still get one… use a condom every time or only be unprotected with a partner once tested.
It says nothing about a person that they get … many of them are undetectable or dormant with or without a test (carrier) and many others can’t be tested for without an outbreak (30% of people have herpes, and they don’t test due to false positives and negatives)
And if you get cold sores on your mouth, you have ab std that you pass on.
My point is that honesty and showing up like a partner is better than you thinking you are with a clean partner, when that is a fallacy.
You should be using condoms no matter what most times. And many diseases are still transferable with a condom.