Starting too slow?

Slowwwwwww down girlfriend. You’ve done all you can to let him know you’re interested and would like to see him. Now forget about him.

He’s wrapped up in his career and not actively dating. And either an introvert or not great with romancing women. So not the best prospect for a relationship. Either that was a polite brush-off or he will call you when he comes your way. Don’t make any further contact. Let him come to you. He may or may not. Don’t hold your breath.

First, I’m sorry that your last relationship was so painful. I’ve been in toxic relationships that were hard to get over and it took a long time before I got back to myself again.

That being said, I’m sure this guy you met is nice, but the red flags that he’s emotionally unavailable for a relationship are waving. The biggest one is that your friend “has never really seen him date in the years she has known him”. Combine that with he works a lot and “he thinks the right girl will come along when she is supposed to” (AKA, he doesn’t want to put work into a relationship and wants everything to effortlessly fall into his lap on his terms). The result is, he doesn’t prioritize romantic relationships in his life, and he in fact probably avoids intimacy. Plus, he’s two hours away. None of this means he isn’t a decent person, but having to struggle for someone’s interest after what you already went through will end up exacerbating your fears.

The good news is it sounds like you’re starting to open up to healing from your betrayal, as Daisy said. I’m going to take a leap here, but have you focused on rebuilding and redefining yourself since your last relationship? I used to be the queen of choosing emotionally unavailable men (it was uncanny how I could pick them out in any room!), but that reflected when I hadn’t dealt with my own baggage and was still operating out of fear. It’s a mindf*ck to think about, but unavailable or lukewarm men may seem more appealing when you’re struggling with processing past pain because you won’t be able to get as close to them. It is not conscious. But may be a form of protecting yourself while still looking for a connection. Or, they feel familiar on some level and maybe if things can be different with them it will heal past pain. Or both. So again, I might be taking too big a leap, but if this rings true at all then leave the ball in his court and take some time to focus on areas outside of dating that make you feel good about yourself when you don’t have a partner.

I tried to move some similar potential early dating situations along, and if I had to take the initiative to build the inertia then they were always a bad idea. Someone taking things slowly in earnest still means consistently reaching out to get to know you better even if you’re not intimate or you’re only seeing each other infrequently to start. It does not mean saying they’re not reaaaally looking for a relationship right now, you doing the majority of the initiating, blowing hot and cold, making you feel confused about intentions, or vanishing for long periods of time.