Sofia text convo date part 2

Very cringe…..why do you even care at this point? Was just one night sex followed by some non sense texting. You saw him practically once. Got far too obsessed. What do you even like i mean you haven’t gotten to know him so pardon me but i actually believe he might have wondered that himself. If you want to be so desperately presented as cool girl or fun act like one by saying I’m out with friends having a great time lets schedule something during daylight or let’s have dinner my treat and actually do it. If you’re out having fun why would you use your phone and ditch your friends to go to some guy’s place, this means I don’t have much interests in my life just going out getting wasted…and please don’t ask guys to come pick you up you and your friends…its too much for someone you just met. It felt almost like you were trying to use even when he was telling you hes tired and will sleep you kept pushing. You can initiate and contact the guy but have some plans in mind like going to a museum or concert and invite him or dinner but don’t text while already making plans and intoxicated. Do you really want to be the kind of person who goes out and they are glued on their phone waiting for the guy to pick them up? If you wanted just that you would have dropped him because it’s too much work for booty call. And you’ll have already 3 4 other guys to text for that also. You obviously care cause you like this guy but he Didnt have the chance to like you. Next time be more open to connect with people. Not everything is about sex. Organize some fun activities and invite the guy then you can have sex again but its important to let them see your personality and character. He sounds like older than you and probably went through all this so maybe age compatibility is also a factor.

We are about the same age he is maybe a little over a year older than me but pretty much the same age. I guess I was trying to come off as just contacting him last minute like I didn’t care that much. I’m not sure if he bought into that or not but I guess it’s pretty obvious that I’m interested in him? I thought that when I did contact himAnd we made plans for Friday I thought that was good on my part but then he didn’t seem to follow through

Not interested let it slide please and make a new start. I am giving you an advice for yourself but you are too much into him to see that. Once you walked that road there’s no point in starting over. He isn’t important he is only for the context. You will meet more guys as you go and trust me you will. So please start working on yourself. If you want connection and love and something serious and not casual then start building a life for yourself so the guy you will chose can become part of it but you should be happy and satisfied and emotionally stable to handle relationships ups and downs. You aren’t ready for that now and this is not a bad thing. Drop this guy for good don’t bother with this story anymore. Take a break to give things clarity. Casual is not about being cool or relevant it’s actually outdated cause it reduces interaction to physical and no challenge or growth but due to circumstances people end up choosing this. If you are sure you want that, then chill and enjoy variety of people. If you want connection then invest more than late night mediocre texts and show the other person that you want to get to know them beyond sex and hook up calls. If they are on the same page, things will run smoothly. This guy didn’t contact you after first date you did and repeatedly you did. I know it’s comforting to tell yourself that he was interested and you screw up than to accept that maybe he didn’t think you were compatible or had such an amazing chemistry as you thought. He went along as you were asking him out and never accept offer of someone picking you up to take you to their place unless you know them and they have properly asked out on a date and offered to pick you up. Don’t be this woman be independent and secure. Confident but not aggressive or pushy. Women are empowered to have the freedom to date multiple guys or be single or enjoy sex toys and etc for our sexual liberation but don’t confuse it with chasing over guys and doing their work for them. There should be a balance in effort and investment not going overdrive when it’s clear it ain’t progressing.

I stopped reading about halfway through. This guy is not interested in seeing you again. Has made zero effort but, yet you keep reaching out. Please stop and move on.

The big tell is he at no point invited you on a second date. He only texted you about going to his house, even with the first message he initiated. I’m just hanging out at my new place, without saying let’s go meet up somewhere else, implies he wanted you to come over (even if he had to drive to pick you up to get you there). In every message, he was only interested if he didn’t have to put in much effort and it was on his schedule and convenience. That’s not a man who wants a date, it’s a guy looking for physical contact. Even if you were more available and made it simple to see you, I guarantee you’d have ended up not doing much besides hooking up again.

Honestly, you can’t tell much from hitting it off on a first date past, that was good and I’d like a second date. That’s really it. I’ve had amazing first dates and then found out on the second date a guy had a ton of issues and we didn’t actually connect at all. That’s why it’s important not to over-invest on early dates, no matter if you’ve slept together or not, and take things one date at a time before worrying about a relationship — you don’t know each other at all yet!

Take the advice you’ve gotten on your other post, get your life and drinking more under control so that you can show consistency to the men you meet and build the foundation for a stable connection. That’s not what happened here, unfortunately. Deleting his number is a solid plan :)

Rule of thumb: any man who has not contacted you within 24 hours of first time sex is not interested….First date. 10th date, does not matter.

Please go to a therapist. Work on your anxious attachment.

Oh darling, its not meant to be. When i first met my current boyfriend we made out in the toilets of a bar then went home and had sex. He asked for my number the night before and i took his phone and texted myself when he asked me how do i know if its your number. The next day after he left my place i just texted him “just confirming this is my number” and left it there. 24 hours after he texted me to go out again. Since then we’ve on multiple dates ending up with sex but intimacy and connection was built up gradually by going to the movies, museums, having dinner together and etc. I didn’t have to chase him cause he was equally interested in seeing me. If it’s meant to be you won’t have to sweat it. Just forget this one and enjoy your life. When you will meet someone who’s a match you will feel it.

Hi Sofia,

It may have been one night but if you had a great time and liked him that meant something. From the IMs it’s clear you’re interested and he was interested in meeting you also but his effort appears low. He’s inviting you over which is fine if you’re fine with that but he is cancelling late and letting you know he has other things on which in my opinion can be a bit stand offish.

Maybe take a few steps back, let him come to you now and next time he asks to meet say your busy but are willing to make an actual plan/date. For some reason men appear to respond well to you appearing unavailable.

Sometimes with one night stands it’s best to see them for what they are – Regardless It will work out with the right guy whether or not it’s a one night stand!

I second Ewa’s point about not texting a man to thank him for the date. The dating coach’s book ( look up Rachael Greenwald and her book about why he didn’t call ) I think has great advice,is based on a survey of over 1000 men. The guys said that if a woman texts to thank them after, it comes on to them that she is too after. He will text/call/ask you out if he wants to see you again. The rest of your actions are very cringey here. Just don’t ever do that again.

Do you know how many times women tell men what you said, especially “I never do this on the first date” right after having sex on the first date? Too many to count where all my male friends laugh and joke about it as they’ve have all heard “those lines” too many times.

He KNEW you were up for more sex, as you had no problem going to his place the moment he said “hello”. Didn’t believe what you told him, knew you were bluffing, and toying with you every time you reached out to “hang out.” Even I winced when I read those texts and sorry to say but those are exactly the kind the guys I mentioned laugh and joke about amongst each other.

Listen, if you want to be “fun time Sally” then be “fun time Sally.” However, if you cannot be authentic, honest or believable, which your texts to him were not, men will not take you seriously. If you have to keep REMINDING a man you exist, then you do not exist. The moment a man stops communication, delete and move on. If he “pops in” after a long time (several weeks) trying to get you to his place, delete and move on unless you want more NSA sex, if so, then just show up without all the text drama.