This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by T from NY 4 weeks ago.
July 11, 2020 at 4:18 am #795988
Hi and thanks for your time in advance.
Simple question that I’d appreciate thoughts on. I have started a new relationship and all is good. Only been a month but I have no concerns, pace a everything is good.
He was on his phone last night and I noticed he deletes all his messages, other than mine. All gone. I said to him you delete all your WhatsApps? He said yes I do. Just what I do, always have.
In the first week of us seeing each other we were unsure to carry on, and when we decided to proceed I recall him saying he’d deleted our chat, so I guess that fits again if he always deletes. I just wondered if this should concern me?
Might not be connected but hes a really neat and tidy sort of person in life and I have had no reason to have concernsJuly 11, 2020 at 7:14 am #795996
Why do you care if someone deletes their stuff? I delete most of my messages, where I’ve had people tell me, you have the cleanest e-mail I have ever seen. I too don’t see the value in holding onto every conversation I have with people, and delete it its immaterial, junk, or to clear out storage because that’s what eventually slows and clogs down phones, computers, etc. because you have too much unnecessary data.July 12, 2020 at 1:29 pm #796134
Thanks Lane. I guess I’m watchful about it because I’ve always been led to believe it’s odd, and something someone does to cover their tracks.July 12, 2020 at 7:05 pm #796165
My ex husband did this, as well as deleting history on his phone. I always thought it was odd and he said it was a habit he did everyday. He was having affairs, I later found out. Best advice, if you question something, its your gut telling you to ask for a reason.July 13, 2020 at 7:22 am #796193
Oh my goodness. Really? That has me worried.
I would say so far his actions and words tell me he is focused on me and into me. There isnt anything that tells me otherwise and should I assume deleting all messages is a reason to think otherwise if it’s on it’s own with no other concerns?
I’m thinking why I think its odd. And coming up with the answer that its because it isnt what most people do and it can be a major sign of cheating. But that doesnt mean he is cheating does it?July 13, 2020 at 9:01 am #796195
Harri, you shouldn’t jump to conclusions especially since the relationship is still new. You still are getting to know each other and that takes time.
Although I had a similar experience as Mimi, (ex cheated on me and deleted messages) I wouldn’t assume this is the case. The relationship is still new for you and with that being said you should still be on guard and take things slow.July 13, 2020 at 9:09 am #796196
I don’t think it necessarily means he is cheating, but neither does it mean he isn’t. I can understand why you would think its odd though, because, well it is.
I mean maybe its just a quirk of his, but why would he delete everyone else’s messages, but not yours?! I mean he has no one else in his life whose messages are important enough to keep? He has to start a new chat every time he texts someone? Why would you do that. Thats just inconvenient and making life more difficult.
And this isn’t emails we are talking about but phone messages, right? Unless you text like a crazy person with a million ppl it won’t clog up or slow down your phone. Also messages get deleted automatically after a few months (in most apps), so really there is no reason to delete anything.
But hey, it could just be a thing he does. Who knows
Personally i would trust him for now but keep a look out. Don’t accuse him of anything unless you know for sure ( bc that is just unfair) and give him the benefit if the doubt. You have only been together for a super short time, so I m guessing you don’t know each other that well yet. If after a while you still feel uneasy, or there are other red flags, you can always reassess and leave.July 13, 2020 at 11:19 am #796207
T from NY
Dating in a healthy way requires SO much patience. You sit back, enjoy, OBSERVE, and take note until the guy you’re dating character is revealed to you. None of us here can tell you if this guy is trustworthy and even though you’re dating him – you can’t either. Because you’re just getting to know him. I agree it’s weird – but absolutely not unheard of. It could be innocent – it could be completely shady. Only time will tell. And it always does! Being patient means accepting you will not know someone, really know them for a long while. Being patient means being willing to set aside your own nervousness and past hurts from other guys and just wait. Being patient also means forgiving yourself when you notice yourself not trusting or getting worried about things that may, or may not even be, happening yet.
As advised by others – enjoy the relationship, take your observations (even the concerning ones to you) and put them on a shelf labeled “Noted. He erases all his texts. That makes me feel some kind of way.” And then walk away from it unless anything else comes up. We all get worried. Worry is a killer of joy. Choose joy. Good luck